Ok, so this is a unsent letter to a quite understanding and slightly
odd JW friend. We have had conversations in the past about my "doubts"
and he didn't get at all freaked out.
He recently invited me to go out in service with him, and what
started out as a simply declination turned into a rant that I
am afraid to send.
Let me know what you think?
-------
I have given your invitation to share in the pre-memorial
service work serious consideration, and although I appreciate
your sincerity, I am afraid I must decline.
Even if it is nothing more than handing out an invitation,
even in that act I am presenting myself as an advocate or
representative for a particular set of beliefs about life,
and death, and the meaning of the life and death of Jesus.
If those are not actually beliefs that I possess, I don't
see how it is anything but hypocrisy on my part to offer
them to others.
In Jesus' words:
"You must love the Lord your God with all your
heart, with all your soul, and with all your mind."
It seems clear that if there is a god, he is the one that
gave me this mind. He is the one that made the universe the
way it is, and he is the one that created the basic rules
that allow the scientific process to work in the first
place. I cannot imagine a just and loving god who would
make man with thinking and logic and science and then punish
them when they pursue the natural ends of such paths.
Over the past year I finally confronted a whole host of very compelling pieces of evidence that the world view I grew up with simply does not mesh with reality. That door is open, and I would not want it closed even if I had the power to do so.
I am open to the idea that the Bible is indeed an expression
of human's trying to describe contact with the divine, and
for that it may hold great wisdom and power for use today.
I also see that it expresses a simplistic and heliocentric
(the universe revolves around humankind) worldview that,
while understandable at the time, cannot in good intellectual
conscience be defended today.
The fossil record shows that for all of time animals have
killed and eaten each other in a vicious and bloodstained
circle of life. This simple fact seems completely irreconcilable
with the current understanding that the Bible says that before
the fall of Adam and Eve (indeed, before the flood) animals lived
in peace.
When the Bible makes it seem like all disease is a product of
imperfection caused by sin, and then scientists find Dinosaurs
with brain cancer, there is something wrong with something.
If I am going to believe in god, I have to accept that for
some reason, god created cancer.
When I read that historians have collected unbroken records of
Egyptian and Chinese cultures all the way back to 3000 B.C.,
and then the Bible says that those cultures were wiped off
the face of the earth in 2370 B.C., this is understandably
disturbing to me.
When the bible seems to say that every living thing was killed
by being covered by water miles deep, and then I find out that
such an disaster would easily kill all plant and fish life
(life forms Noah did not rescue) as well, That is understandably
deeply disturbing to me, seeing as:
There is a LIVING creosote bush "colony" in the Mojave desert
that is over 11,000 years old.
There are currently bristle cone pine trees that are over 4000 years
old and scientists, by comparing these living tree rings with dead
tree rings and matching overlapping growth patterns were able to
map out a tree ring sequence going all the way back to 6273 B.C.,
meaning that there were trees that lived straight on through the
time allocated to Noah's flood.
To pretend these facts don't exist or to suggest that these
scientists have no idea what they are doing seems to be simply
the arrogance of a person living in denial.
When I recently talked to [Elder A] and [Elder B] about this they
said "yeah, but are these things that really matter? Aren't
the really important things the truth about God and death
and the future?" Basically, I should just "trust in Jehovah"
to correct any misunderstandings in due time.
Well, I respectfully disagree. The time has been long due.
These scientific findings have been around and confirmed
for decades. I think the Bible's ability or inability to
explain the nature of where life came from and how it got
like it is today is HUGE, and until the writers of the
Watchtower and related literature turn and face what I see
as the unavoidable facts of history and science, I cannot
in good conscience represent such literature by taking it or
it's name door to door.
If there is a god, I would think it would respect honesty
over pious faking.
When I am honest with myself, I arrive at this simple
paradox:
I feel there is a god.
I think there is not.
This may very well change at some point, and I am honestly
open to a higher level of enlightenment, but I cannot
imagine myself ever again publicly defending a strictly
literal interpretation of the Bible in such cases as it
makes claims that overlap with scientifically testable
jurisdiction.
I'm sorry of this admission is disturbing, but please
understand that it was also quite disturbing to admit
this to myself.
I value our friendship, but I hope you understand that if
our friendship has a future, it will have to be one built
on a common ground deeper and more solid than that of shared
religious belief.
[inkling]