Your opinion about Self Injury (page 3)

cognac

Ok, this is how it's been described to me:

Your mind is racing, like somebody pressed the fast-forward button on you. Then your heard is pounding and everything in your body feels like the blood is racing from one part of the body to the other. You curl up in a ball trying to make it stop and go away. You want to kill yourself because you can't breath and your in such a depressed state of mind that you feel like this huge weight is on you and you can't get it off. It's holding you down to the ground and you feel like you can't move.

Cutting makes that go away instantaneously.

Mr. Majestic

This is one of the hardest things for people who have never been there to understand or appreciate. I think that people try to look too deep into why it goes on:-

"It is a translation of mental pain into a physical one",

it is the person "feeling sorry" for him or herself,

"attention seeking",

even a "cry for help".

All of these statements miss the point of why it is done somewhat. Most people do it secretively and would be embarrassed for others to find out.

The bottom line is it is a switch, plain and simple. You have unbearable mental anguish, you may have had it for days, weeks, or months, and you are desperate for any relief. You hit the switch and it stops. Then you can numb over and cope for a little while without the pain of mind. No deep psychological reasons, just relief. Guilt sometimes comes with relief, coupled with shame (especially if someone finds out what you have done) but for no reason at all...

What needs to be appreciated is, not so much of what is done, ie self harm, but the amount of mental torment the person is in to do such a "shocking thing", as most would see it. Hard to put over but I would say that Cognac and Gadget have it spot on…

Deep, deep understanding is need to get close to even grasping the mindset motivating the act. Very easy to miss-judge and conclude wrongly. (usually condemnatory)

Upsetting to see and hard to grasp unless you know….

inkling

Has anyone read a new novel called "Sharp Objects"?

[inkling]

SPAZnik

You can't harm yourself, without harming others.

(And vice versa)

monophonic

just in case you haven't yet, definitely rent the film "Secretary" starring james spader and maggie gylenhal (sp?)

i understand it b/c i have panic attacks and would rather feel anything other than a panic attack....but i haven't resorted to that b/c i'm in therapy and trying to figure out other coping mechanisms.

sometimes it's sexual and i know a girl who loves to be tied and beat up, very rough sex....not my thing either, but maybe exploring that route could resolve issues....who knows.

Tatiana

My niece used to cut herself when she lived with my mother. I remember the day she told me, I just hugged her and cried. Because I knew why. Yet it hurt me to my core to see it. She said she did it in the KH. How, I don't know, but Crumpet, you said you did it at the hall with a pen. How did no one see you?

I never told my mother. She would have taken her to the brothers saying it was Satan.

Later she started stealing just to steal. I tried everything I could to help, but how could she get real help when she lived with my mom, and she was a teen? She ran away later @ 16 and started drinking, smoking weed, and doing LSD. So that took the place of the cutting, I'm guessing.

I thought of that Iris song too when I read this thread.

MMae

Yummby -

Perhaps this group is just too insightful and compassionate to be able to say much about why people become angry with ones who harms themselves, other than because of the fear and helplessness felt by their loved ones.

The people I've known that self-injured did so because of the numbness they felt, as result of childhood abuse. Pain was a way of feeling their body, instead of empty nothingness.

Crumpet

Tatiana, it made me well up when you said your niece did that too. I think my mother spotted me a couple of times and would slap me. Somtimes I'd get taken outside for a smack. By the time I was 7 or 8 I would do anything to get smacked pretty much - I turned it in my head into something I enjoyed. My parents didn't work this one out until I was going on 12 though.

Mae - there is definitely that aspect - the awful void of emptiness. When people say things to you which under other circumstances would make you feel, you'd respond, you'd feel human - there is a great numbness, nothing reaches you. You want it to so badly but you simply cannot feel a thing, so you cut partly in punishment for being such an alien and partly just to feel something, anything.

I think that alcohol and drugs can definitely exacerbate the propensity to self harm. I believe the reason for this is that the two reduce your natural ability to feel and actually trigger the symptoms.

Tatiana

((((Crumpet))))

My niece never got caught. I honestly don't know how she hid it. But she did. Even if she had, she would have just gotten smacked like you or worse.

This is what I do not understand. Why is it when some witnesses see signs of trouble in their kids, they think hitting them will solve it? My niece still has issues today. And when my sis was little, she started setting fires to everything, wet the bed constantly, and cut up frogs and tiny animals. My mom did nothing but beat her more. And when she ran away they sent her to reform school. She needed HELP.

Someone mentioned here that childhood abuse sometimes turns into liking pain when you grow up. I know you said you started enjoying it, Crumpet. I totally believe that. My sis kept picking guys who beat her up and abused her. The next one was worse then the last. I can't fathom knowing my child is suffering and not doing anything to help them. The mindset eludes me.

Sirona

As others have said - self harming is a reaction to extreme mental torture. Someone who hasn't had those types of intense feelings just cannot understand. Unfortunately, some individuals can't seem to empathise and therefore they react badly to someone who self harms - probably from fear (to see such behaviour is to shatter one's illusions to some extent).

I see self harming and alcoholism in a similar way. Both are self harming. As Crumpet said though, alcohol can make cutting more likely so its a horrid cycle to get into.

The shame of having self harmed just perpetuates low self esteem. Low self esteem means that you don't care so much about hurting your body.

One thing I will say is that some people are afraid to admit what goes on in their life for fear of judgements from others so we never really know how many people around us are suffering in the extreme.

From my own standpoint, the number of harming incidents I have had can be counted on one hand (thank Goddess!) but I chose another route to harming that appeared more socially acceptable (only to find it was not). Nowadays I'm not doing those behaviours but depression is a constant battle and I deeply fear ever being in the same state of mind again.

I didn't mean to say so much, but what the hell.

Sirona

Your opinion about Self Injury

Share this