Do you ever miss it? Ever? (page 4)

R.Crusoe

The missing feeling is one which you feel strong for years and due to circular reasoning cannot fully solve the puzzle!

It is why you should list all the feelings you know were absolutely sincere and were shredded!

They will have been shredded by third parties!

Not by the 'authorless' publications!

This is why you find it hard to attach direct responsibility to them! Their system is cleverly abstract so that any suffering you feel can be blamed on you or others human weakness.

Never forget they set up the whole system and called it 'divine'.

It is a cruel system! It will hurt many! It will claim not to intend it! But it judges - that is its core belief and why JUDGING PERSONAS thrive in it!

I have sometimes missed the feeling that comes with believing you have all the answers. When you believe it's the "truth", everything is laid out for you. No guessing or having to look for answers to meaningful or difficult questions. Just go to your WT index...

I sometimes miss the feelings I had after the assemblies and some meetings, especially after giving talks. But again, those were predicated on the notion that the JW's were God's organization. It felt like I was in God's organization, many times.

But I finally did my homework. I honestly, sincerely and thoroughly examined the faith from all sides while remaining objective. I had no bone to pick with the organization or reasons to leave it. I just never knew how dead-wrong they were, and, just how often they were so very dead-wrong. I never realized how conrolling it was either. Afterall, I was used as an elder and a very busy person with many responsibities. That "buzy-ness" keeps you from thinking too much, IMO. My reasons for rejecting specific JW teachings were as sincere as there can be. I could not just go along with them any longer, once I was fully informed.

I do not miss the social aspect very much at all, like some others do. Though there were a few nice relationships I sometimes think about. But today, I can see just how conditional they all were. And THAT is major turn-off to say the least.

Overall, as one that came into the org on my own, you cannot spend over 16 years without missing some aspects of it, in my opinion. But also overall, my quality of life today is better than when a Witness. Freedom is a valuable thing. Taking responsibility for your own beliefs and decisions is another good thing. Cutting the JW leash definitely a good thing.

Though not always the easiest thing.

monophonic

i miss the social benefits and that's mainly what the wtbts holds as a gun to our heads, losing so-called instant connection with people all over the world.

i miss going to europe and having instant family dinners with people i never would've met in my life.

but, i'll never miss it enough to go back. especially my circle of 30-40 close friends i had in my early 20's, i want them as far away from me as possible for their misdirected anger and instant cutting off just b/c i went inactive.

which brings up college....the wtbts is so against college b/c it's mainly a place for people starting their adult lives to connect with other people who share their same interests....it's amazing, the little college i did before the elders finally harrassed me out of college in the 90's, i'm still involved with some of those people b/c we're in the same region and shared similar career decisions.

i feel your pain...something that has helped me over the years is continuing to take classes at extension colleges, artist workshops, etc. i've made friends over the years that way.

and, i'm very active in my community in a couple of different artists scenes, volunteering, etc. that's my church and it has helped a lot to always have a project going even if it's a money loser.

AK - Jeff

Interesting comments, many of which mimic mine very closely.

I of course, will never go back. I do experience occasional 'flash back' moments that cause me to remember certain aspects with fondness.

But I am happy to be out and free, never any doubt.

Jeff

flipper

JEFF- No. , I don't miss it . The friends I did have all based their friendships on the conditions that I would comment at meetings , average 10 to 20 hours a month in service - and be friends with all the " elite " spiritual people in the congregation. It made me nauseous. The few good friends I developed over the years , witnesses or not , was always unconditional friendship where people are really there for you. But , no , I don't miss the meetings at all! They bored me to tears ! Peace out, Mr. Flipper

Gayle

Do you have a xJW "Meetup" in your area? Here in Phoenix there is. I just went to one a couple wks ago. I may go once a month, may be able to handle that. I decided to be a self-appointed 'library lady'..I've got literature for xJWs or leaving JWs to lend out for one month at a time (free- honor system),,also a few DVD related to cults but more on w/entertainment style like "The Village" and "Meadow Mountain Massacre" etc. There were 8 of us there (including my husband never a JW, but he's so supportive of me). I placed two books & two DVDs - hee-hee. I think I will find this fulfilling to me to share with local ones,

drew sagan

After reading many of the posts here I wanted to make a comment on the conditional friends we all had in the Watcthower.

I just wanted to say that while I do agree that the friends you make in the Watchtower are conditional, I think we can sometimes forget that it is the end product of the Watchtower system that makes them that way. I too was a conditional friend as I'm sure many of the posters on this board were.

I do not look back with the feeling that all the people that I knew in the Watchtower where shallow people only willing to give conditional friendship. Instead I look back knowing that all that can be gained within that system is conditional friends.

I will also say that after is DA'd myself I got a call about one month later from a friend within the JWs. We talked for about five minutes or so. He never mentioned anything about the JWs, just wanted to know how I was. He broke the rules to call me. I know there were many others that wish they could have too. They are trapped, I try not to blame them too much.

bluesbreaker59

Sure I miss being able to see my father's smiling face, and talking to him. I miss my "good friends", that are scared to death to talk to me now, due to my being DF'd. I miss seeing my little cousins grow up (they were 17, 8 and 4 when I left). I don't miss giving talks, going to meetings, dealing with elders, going in service or anything else. I also don't really miss the witness "gatherings", where I would almost always be forced to sing and play my guitar at, and had to be concerned about "which songs" I played. I don't miss dealing with ego-maniac janitors either... I don't miss seeing my ex-wife's family at conventions...

jaded

NO! NEVER! Jeff, I am more of a lurker than poster and have followed some of your posts. I really understand what you are going through and just wanted to say that I think it is wonderful that you have taken on the responsibility of raising your grandkids. I am sure it is difficult yet very rewarding.

Hubby and I are both 56 and are helping raise our two granddaughters ages 3 and 5. Our daughter is a single mom. We are fortunate that she has grown to be responsible and holds a decent full time job. We babysit while she works, has appointments or occasionally goes our for the evening. The kids spend most of their waking hours with us as she works a lot of evenings. At times it is difficult but I always say that I get paid with multitudes of hugs, kisses and 'I love you's'.

Of course we have lost all of our so called 'friends'. This is harder for hubby as he is much more social than I am. I have always been more of a loner. We have each other, our two adult kids and our grandkids. We have gotten to know neighbors that we chat with when we take the grandkids for walks but really have very little social life. To tell you the truth, I am so tired when the grandkids go home that I really don't much care. Hubby does have some buddies that he plays poker with and I am glad for that. I often wonder what life will be like when the grandkids are grown and have their own lives. It is sometimes a very scary thought.

Sorry for rambling. I am not usually one to post more than a few words but this just struck a cord with me. I have also been meaning to say 'hello' to you for ages. I wish you and your wife all the best.

WTWizard

The part I think I miss is also no longer available, since they have cut back sharply on the entertainment and most of the events in my early indoctrination were "baiter" events (things done to make me think it was going to be fun). If I rejoin or get recaptured, I know there is no way I will see those events again.

What I actually do miss is seeing snafus. I liked it when people were late for the group and things got disrupted. I liked going to pick someone up and they are not ready. I liked those chain errands that prevented us from getting any work done. I liked it when someone was nice enough to play some rap music for me while we were on the street. I liked it when we drove all the way across town, only to have the person not home. I liked when we had to waste time hunting for a house or street, several times, after I saw it the first time and kept my big mouth shut. I liked it when no one showed up for field circus. And I liked it when the meetings got cancelled for snow.

Do you ever miss it? Ever?