will i ever be able to move on (my daughter was abused)

looloo

i feel real down at the moment at the injustice of it all , i know the world is full of injustice but it just makes me so mad , did anyone on here move on after their child was abused and if so how did you do it ? i feel i cant move on till she has but at the moment that seems a long way off , bulimia and flashbacks seem to rule her life , the local congregation are not allowed to discuss it with me , even fellow victims mothers , probably because im worldly . i have wrote a strongley worded letter to the elders regarding the fact that had they reported the local min servant perv to the police years ago my child would not be like this , and that i reported him to the police to protect other peoples children so why didnt they? the letter is very long and sometimes borders on "apostate" do you think they will reply , as i have asked them to answer my questions ?

Shutterbug

I seriously doubt they will reply. They will hope it will all go away. Bug

misguided

I seriously doubt they will reply. They will hope it will all go away.

I agree.

My daughter (17 today) was abused by my ex-husband when she was 8 to 9 years old, when I finally managed to get him out of our home. He wasn't baptized when this happened. When I couldn't let my kids get hurt any more....social services was going to apprehend my children if I didn't get him out of the home...I was so indoctrinated that divorce was a sin, that it took an outside source to protect my kids. I was df'd. My ex got a 3 month jail sentence and 1 year probation for what he did to us from the "world." What did he get from the JW's?...BAPTIZED!!! Jehovah's holy spirit at work...NOT!!!

Rose

cognac

oh my goodness looloo, that's awful.

I wonder if you could take some legal action? I would be talking to a lawyer... They should be paying for your daughters therapy.

chicken little

Our daughter was raped at 16 and had a period of terrible shame, she would not go out, she hated herself and was far away from us. If you can keep on telling her how much she is loved by you no matter what she thinks about herself, it may help her to adjust her viewpoint. Many victims do not want to talk about what they have gone through, that should be respected but she needs to find a way to let her grief, anger out in a constructive way. Bulimia and self hurting only compound the problem. She is hurting herself (and you) and not the person who did this to her. She needs to take back her life, to find a way to not be the victim anymore. This may need specialist help....try and ring some of the help lines so you can get some insight into what you can do. Take up boxing or a self defense sport together, it gets a lot of aggression out!

The elder situation is actually secondary to your helping your daughter..........they are the ones who are guilty to allow this to go on. Still that does not help your daughter. Try to give her life stories of ones who have overcome their terrible backgrounds, reassure her that she is not measured by what was done to her. She needs to hear again and again that it was not her fault.

Our daughter came through but with scars on her soul. We love her so much and we are so proud of her. She is out of the jws now and we are so relieved.

Hugs Chicken little

Homerovah the Almighty

Thats a shame looloo , You know of course about the million dollar law suits for victims of sexual abuse within the JWS recently.?

The legality of the situation with your daughter is dependent on how recent this attack occurred, preferably under 6 years, something you might consider.

I hope your daughter moves her self far a way mentally from that experience, and she moves on to a happy and healthy life.

The obvious reason that the elders in previous times played hush, hush is that they were intensionally putting a blanket over the situation in an attempt to keep it

out of the general publics eyes. Very similar to what the Catholics did in recent times. We must keep the organization looking clean in view of the public.

It was directly because of the Catholic law suits and there had been many , the courts laid heavy fines and penalties also against the JWS. I guess what I'm trying to say is that if the

congregation did not notify the authorities of this individual that committed this crime you might be able to start legal proceedings.

Sexual misconduct with children is just one of the many situations that a group of elders in a hall will not go to the authorities. there are other circumstances too, such as spousal

abuse, business corruption, drug abuse, and the list goes on. So I wouldn't expect any kind of response from the hall that you've addressed the matter too, at least

don't get your hopes up. In any case take care of you and your daughter .

flipper

LOOLOO- I agree that on your own - the elders probably won't respond because as you well know , they abhor bad publicity . The leaders of the Watchtower are mainly concerned about the public appearance of their cult. They could care less about victims of child abuse. They really are pontificating bastards. So, tell you what to do. I agree with Cognac - make it hard for them . Get your ducks in a row paperwork and all and hire an attorney to handle it for you. The more victims that fight back against the Watchtower societies hideous policies of covering over child abuse - the more media exposure will come out informing others , and you and your daughter may get a day in court , or an out of court settlement from the Watchtower society. You are not alone friend. This is happening all over in the witness organization. I wish you peace , but please be courageous for your daughter and yourself

MMae

Dearest LooLoo -

Healing takes years, but most of us make it to the other side. Please, get professional help for your daughter and yourself. If finances or lack of insurance is a problem, you can probably get counseling paid for through your state's crime victim compensation program. You should be able to locate the number in state phone listings, through the police department, through a crisis care line, a rape hotline, or your comunity may have a community information line - usually "211."

Do everything you can to keep your daughter (and you) feeling safe. Absolutely do NOT make her tell the elders about her experience. They are NOT trained in dealing with this kind of trauma, and usually are only trying to find out how much guilt the victim bears - AS IF! And to pressure both of you to keep silent. Your daughter should not have to go anywhere that she may likely run into her abuser.

As far as legal recourse (suing) laws vary from state to state. If your daughter is a minor, the clock my not start ticking on the statute of limitations until her 18th birthday. If she is above 18, and had repressed memories, the clock may start upon the return of memories sufficent to understand what happened to her. A representative from crime victims compensation can give you all this information.

There is nothing, nothing, more healing than knowing you are not alone. And understanding that feelings of shame and guilt are normal, but that they are misplaced. They belong on the perpetrator, not the victim. After some individual counseling, survivor groups can be very supportive. (Sometimes they aren't though, so if your daughter isn't feeling like she's with safe friends in a group, find another.)

Oh, and soft blankets to wrap up in, and large squishy teddy bears to hug, can do more in a way of bringing comfort than you can imagine. A note book to write down feelings and memories as they come, or a locked diary if it feels safer, can be an incredible healing tool. For you as well. It helps to break through the confusion and conflict that tends to rage in victims minds and hearts. Others have a better outlet through drawing or other types of art. Where ever your daughter's talents are, they can be her salvation as well. And never underestimate the power of being destructive - just as long as it is carried it out in a safe manor. I knew one woman who went to the beach with a wooden baseball bat, and hit rock after rock into the sound until the bat was beat to a pulp. Then she went home and dismantled the chainsaw her abuser (a family member) had loaned to her, piece by piece, literally. There wasn't a nut and bolt still together when she finished. (She returned it to him in a cardbaord box.)

The worst thing is having to hold the silence of the nightmare in. She needs permission to vent, and to be able to do it at a pace that she can handle. God's comfort be with both of you. Our prayers are with you. Let us know how you are holding up.

Malinda

JK666

Looloo,

I am so sorry that you and your daughter have gone through this!

The main reason that the elders will not respond to your letter, is that the WT Legal Department will instruct them not to.

JK

KW13

As sad as it is, your anger will probably not find the justice it deserves, i know your going to be really upset because your daughter is the most important thing you have. I can imagine how desperate your situation is because there isn't anyone responding how they should and there isn't any one individual to direct how you feel toward making it seem very hopeless.

Personally if its possible for you, consider what you can get out of this. If there isn't anything for you to get (ie; lawsuit if its what you want, protesting if its what you want etc) out of speaking still to the Witnesses and being in contact with the Congregation then cut it off, honestly it will eat away at you. I've put a lot of what i can put behind me away and already i've felt better - saying that however i acknowledge the hurt your daughter has gone through with yourself makes my issues with the Society seem like nothing.

If this is any consolation i am sure that the human part of these elders who don't respond probably do want to, but are trapped also.

will i ever be able to move on (my daughter was abused)

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