Hardcore evangelical intellectual just fell for an enlightened JW girl

by Stuartmc 51 Replies latest social relationships

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  Stuartmc

  I'm new here, but am mightily impressed with the insights, care and compassion exhibited here. I like to briefly share my story and receive some insights and "good counsel" from you good folks. Here goes- I'm a 49 year old lawyer, whose been divorced for 8 years. Two kids in their late teens. One in college and the other lives locally with his mom. I'm a gym nut and very active, so most people think I'm in my 30's. I'm a born again Christian, having been saved in 1977. I went to a Christian liberal arts college, worked in the prison ministry with Chuck Colson in Washington, DC and had studied at the Holy Land Institute in Jerusalem. I had studied comparitive religion, and did a lot of research on cult groups back in the day. Yes, one of the groups I was quite familiar with were JW's. It's been many years since those days, but I'm still fairly conversant in the JW church doctrines.

  I recently met a 37 year old woman, who just plain knocks me out. We start to talk about spiritual things (as I frequently do)and I'm mightily impressed by her words and her very evident love of God. DANGER,DANGER, WILL ROBINSON...not only is she gorgeous, smart and a very fun person, but whoowhoo! she's a believer too! Then I hear the dreaded words "Kingdom Hall" and my heart sinks. We continued to spend time together - enough to know that I could seriously fall for this lady and she for me. I decided to take the bull by the horns and talked to her point blank about JW's. She was quite surprised that I knew all about the lingo and doctrines. I was completely honest about my position and let her know in no uncertain terms that at least one JW I know refers to me as "Kryptonite." She told me that she was married before to a non-JW and that she had been disfellowshipped twice. She still goes to meetings at least three times a week with her two teen aged children and feels that it is a great influence on them. Her family, who live several states away, have been JW's ever since she was a child. They are apparently much more ardent about following all the rules than she is. She was apparently the "wild child" for a number of years, but has now come back to the fold. She has not been a pioneer and has done no door to door missions work since she was a young teen. We talked about birthdays and holidays and she didn't seem to have a problem with my recognizing and enjoying them. Her best friend is a Catholic girl and in fact I met My JW girl when she was visiting with this best friend in my home town (her home is about an hour from me. They were out on her birthday and she didn't hesitate to tell me it was her birthday. She still gets and reads all the Watchtower Society material and she does espouse all the standard JW doctrine.

  OK, sorry for the novella. My question is this - Did I luck out and dodge the bullet this time? Could she be one of the rare, truly enlightened JW's who can accept me and my faith, knowing what I know? Should I still be skeptical even though I have told her that I won't aggressively try to convert her and that she should suffer no delusions that I might change my mind on JW doctrines?
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  mavie

  Welcome.
  
  Run. Away. Now.
  
  While you can rationalize away at the moment, when it comes down you or Jehovah a JW will choose Jehovah, EVERY. TIME.
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  Open mind

  Usually I'd go along with Mavie's concise advice.

  Unless......

  You describe her as an "enlightened JW". But you also said:

  "She still gets and reads all the Watchtower Society material and she does espouse all the standard JW doctrine."

  I'd try to find out just how true that last part really is. Maybe she's a "semi-fader" who's just going through the motions for family. If that's TRULY the case, you might proceed very cautiously. Problem is, if she still feels that the JWs have "The Truth, The Whole Truth & Nothing but The Truth", then your future may end up very strained. Is she willing to openly discuss "questions" you have about the JWs?

  Here's a good one, IMO:

  Is there ANYTHING that the Watchtower Society could do that would convince you they are no longer God's chosen people?

  If she really thinks that only JWs have The Truth and ALWAYS WILL, I'd stay away. Errr.

  RUN AWAY!

  Open Mind
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  Confession

  Stuart, I'll give you my best advice. From your description--and although she does appear to be very JW minded--she is probably considered a fairly weak JW by those in her congregation. I say that because--not only was she disfellowshipped two times--but because (from what you say) she has not engaged in the house-to-house ministry in a long time. Please understand that, from the perspective of the organization, she is considered "inactive." All things considered, I'd say that should go on the "Pro" side of the page.

  Please also understand that, if she is going to the Kingdom Hall regularly, she is getting a steady stream of guilt, as the entire basis of the group revolves around members actively proclaiming the organization--not to mention avoiding "worldly association." (Strike One) She has very strong family connections to the group--and they are (apparently) strong in this faith. (Strike Two) Although perhaps no one is strong-arming her now to make a more full commitment to the religion, I can positively assure you that, when her family members and fellow JWs find out she's dating a "worldly man," the pressure will intensify by orders of magnitude. There will be a further measure of pressure because she wants to set a good example for her children, and this will be another point her friends and family will argue with her on. All of these things go on the "Con" side of the page.

  Keeping two people apart by recommending they think twice before involving themselves in a relationship virtually never works. I know this, so I'll spare you that sort of thing. So just be aware of how this usually plays out. If this lady really believes it's The Truth--(and there is no other belief within this group unless she's carrying on some kind of charade)--then she believes that Armageddon is coming any day...that only those associated with JWs may be saved from destruction...that the only way to save others (including you) from it will be to convince you that you too must become a JW. If she doesn't do that, she is faced with an extraordinary amount of inner conflict--and, again, the concern that she's telling her kids one thing--but living entirely another thing.

  I hate to say this, but I'm suggesting that this woman--despite the many fine qualities you describe--may not be as well-adjusted as she seems. She is possibly about to enter into a relationship with a man that is completely against everything her religion teaches. Perhaps she can be helped to see it isn't The Truth after all. That would be good, although not without it's potentially profound consequences. But please understand that we here on this message board have seen things like this many, many times. It usually ends up going the other way, and big problems ensue.

  I wish you and her only the best.
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  Homerovah the Almighty

  Hi Stuart, it sounds like you have a predicament on your hands. If I can offer some advise is, this girl sounds to me like she doesn't really have her feet

  firmly planted in the ground with the JWS., we ex-dubers call these people fence sitters for not particularly being very devout and loyal.

  You may be able to make her withdraw from religion completely and less of a chance to make her convert to another and reason for this is

  for reason they press the point strongly that all other religions outside of their own are very evil and corrupt and are controlled by Satan .

  With that in mind I think you'll have a difficult time converting her over to your faith and make her a devout person, the chances I would say are very slim,

  but you never will know unless you try.
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  Satanus

  You're a born again bible believing christian. She is a semi cult follower. Seems like a match, to me.
  
  S
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  carla

  Run.

  You only think you believe in the same God, same Jesus. The jw's are a cult and you really need to research before handing your heart over to this woman. Your children deserve better.
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  sonny60

  Stuart,

  I am not a jw either but was in a relationship with someone who was for 5 years. It didn't work about a year ago he went back into the fold. I am sorry but sometimes they are looking for just a good time. I have learned from reading on this board unless they can open there minds to read what is on here and understand what the watchtower is really all about there is no hope of a good relationship. I two believe in god and all he stands for was raised that way.
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  DanTheMan

  Here and there among the JW's (and they're pretty rare) you'll find one who really believes in JWism wholeheartedly, and yet somehow they seem immune to the negative group dynamic - they have strong friendships outside of "The Truth", they're not wracked with guilt about not being strong enough in "The Truth", they don't really follow all the rules that go along with "Being In The Truth" and the elders never get after them the way they normally do. They're the ones who are just naturally very happy and independent but who have a religious need and JWism is the one that they're familiar so they go with it. If she's like that, then maybe it could work, but you're not going to get her to leave "The Truth" so you can fuhgetaboudit if you have those sorts of plans in mind.
  
  Do you believe that the "souls" of deceased JW's suffer in eternal hellfire? I could see that being a problem.
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  wings

  Please understand, I speak from experience. To be at signifigant spiritual differences is not only a bad foundation for a relationship, it can be a living hell. "Enlightened" will go away, believe me. To be a JW is to be a JW.