The manipulation is sickening...

by AuroraB 16 Replies latest jw friends

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  AuroraB

  So, I just had another run-in with the moms. Totally unrelated to the truth, but we just disagree on so many things, and instead of being respectful and agreeing to disagree, I got the standard, "something is wrong with your thinking and you're going to have a hard time of it if you don't change." Or, in other words, start to believe what she believes. I've heard this for so long and from so many people, and BELIEVED it for so long, that the belief has left me in a very bad place in life. I'm so glad though, that I'm now able to shrug it off rather than dwell on just what is wrong with me and try to fix it to no avail.

  Has anyone else had to deal with this particular issue? I mean, the thinking patterns you have to adopt in order to be a JW are really black and white..I'm right, they're all wrong, and the people who disagree with me are either evil or damaged in some way.

  I feel really sorry for my moms sometimes, because I know she can't help it, but it's difficult to hold onto the compassion when she's so adamant that I'm borderline psychotic and/or doomed to failure for not agreeing with her points of view.
• 

  Gopher

  the thinking patterns you have to adopt in order to be a JW are really black and white..I'm right, they're all wrong, and the people who disagree with me are either evil or damaged

  Are these "thinking patterns" the ones like "be meek, yielding, peaceable with all, turn the other cheek"? In other words, don't ever stand up for yourself !!

  I thought that was the "Christian" way, and I practiced it. However, all it did was make me vulnerable to those JW's -- certain elders and those with strong personalities, so that they could push me around and have their way more often.

  The JW's teach this because it's easier to dominate docile people. Once people learn to say "NO", they are harder to push around.

  It took a while for me to learn to say "NO" and really mean it after leaving JW's. I'm glad I did.

  Really if a Christian teaching is "let your yes mean yes and your no mean no", sometimes you have to say NO and mean it.
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  tula

  "something is wrong with your thinking and you're going to have a hard time of it if you don't change."

  How arrogant. But I have heard the very same words said to others. The very same.

  It's like the warning before they call the thought police in to fix you.
• 

  flipper

  AURORA B- When they threaten you with " you're going to have a hard time of it if you don't change " it is a scare tactic that all " cult mind control " groups use , including Jehovah's Witnesses to keep you in fear of leaving them. THey scare you with " false expectations " of what will happen to you , you know, you will turn into a frog, you will commit adultery, or be a drug addict out on the street somewhere. Most always none of this stuff comes true. In fact as you said, you feel a lot better being out of mind control and having freedom of thought on how you want to live your life. So, take courage, don't let them intimidate you. That's part of their game plan. Don't be controlled by them . A good book I might recommend is Steve Hassan's " Combatting Cult Mind Control". It really helps you see what the witnesses and other mind control groups tactics are ; and how to avoid being intimidated by them. Peace out, good luck to you, Mr. Flipper
• 

  Alex Delta

  jaguarbass, your an ass
• 

  freedomfighter

  Manipulation is sickening and yet so effective. Shades of grey don't exist with the witnesses as you know. Black or white or your OUT.

  The real world goes from Black to white with all the shades in between. Finding a balance after leaving is difficult, but certainly not impossible.

  Enjoy the shades of grey, use your own mind, have a happy life.

  FF
• 

  Tired of the Hypocrisy

  She is your mom and you should always behave respectfully towards her. If she is locked into that sort of do it or else mentality, I suggest you do as I do. I treat whoever it is with respect and then I do what I feel is right. Above it was mentioned that there is no gray with the witnesses. I agree with that statement. Unfortunately, they don't see gray as even God does. The Bible is full of situations where did God not only give some slack over a situation but he actually bent some of His rules way out of shape.....

  So if she can't see eye to eye with you, please remember she gave you life, raised you to her best ability, and cared for you. She also loves you and whatever she says is coming from her heart. Treat her well and then do what you think is best for YOU to do.....Just my 2 cents worth.....
• 

  uwishufish

  JB your querys are on target my interogitorys would have followed the same line.
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  jgnat

  How I handle the dire warnings is to make a bet. Pick some day in the future and tell her if her warnings come true, you will take her out to a nice restaurant. If she is wrong, though, she will have to treat you.

  Witnesses have a horrible habit of deferring joy, and pain, to some indeterminate future. Make them accountable for their stupid predictions.

  I bet my husband all the time for his predictions, big and small. It seems to deflate the power of his words in some way because by "putting his money where his mouth is" he has to entertain the idea that he might actually be wrong.

  For this very reason, I take care ouf our pension. I'm betting on a long future, and I tell him so.
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  Gopher

  Please quit picking on Aurora - those of you who found her reference to her mother as "moms" amusing or disingenuous.

  Her posts on this board have been heartfelt and helpful. I might call my dad "pops" if he weren't avoiding me.