Marital Separation - Your Experiences

Bourne

Whoops. Too fast on the "enter" trigger. Happens sometimes. (ha.ha. yeah, I know)

Anyway, I recognize that this may be (or has been) a touchy subject for some, so I understand if you refrain from this thread.

Yet, I would appreciate any "condensed" versions you may be willing to share.

First mine.

I have been "unscripturally" (I know, it doesnt matter, but thought I'd throw that aspect in) for a bit over a year now. I successfully

pulled off a "fade", so in other words, she's in, I'm out. Things have come to a head and I know that a divorce will be happening soon.

Which, while sad, is needed to finalize things. No children, which is a plus. In the marriage, we were both miserable,

but she pulled the separation trigger, as I was still, unfortunately, under the Borg programming that tells you to "fight"

to stay in a bad marriage. Of course, that notion has since been purged from my mind.

The separation has had it's highs and lows, but in general, I believe that I have learned alot about myself and gained strength of mind,

as it were. It's still hard (loneliness) sometimes, but strangely, I am much happier knowing that I have the unwritten future ahead of me.

Bourne

P.S. Sorry about the unformatted paragraph. My formatting does'nt seem to be working.

Bourne

bttt.....because of my "enter" delay......Bourne

Thanks for sharing your experience. My wife and I have been going through some troubles since I stopped going to meetings. I honestly can't say what will come of it; if we can have a happy life together. I think at the moment, we both feel something is missing. Perhaps part of it is that we are still around all the people who know us in the congregation. We haven't made a "fresh start" since I've been fading. Her dreams of being in the truth and worshipping with a companion are dashed, and she'll never have it while she's with me. Is it selfish of me to deny her this, sticking with her? I can't say. Our future is uncertain, although we do love each other immensley. Is that enough to save a marraige? I don't know. I don't know if anyone has the answers - I guess the only thing to do is wait and see.

Bourne

Thanx for your post, daniel-p. No, I don't think it is selfish to "deny" her the dual-membership to the JW's.

IMHO, marriages (or relationships, for that matter) can survive a "so-called divided household". Granted, this particular religion makes it a bit tougher to maintain the

marriage in the healthy state it should be. But largely, this will be up to her.

Also, one thing that I DO appreciate from being a JW is the great respect for the institution of marriage it instilled in me, even if most JW's don't live up to

their own doctrine in this regard. Keep on working on it. It's a healthy thing to do, JW or no.

Bourne

Finally-Free

In working out my separation agreement I found myself spending a lot of time (translated $$$$) educating my lawyer about the JWs and what happens when you become an ex-JW. Try to stay away from that unless it's crucial to your separation agreement. My lawyer didn't mind asking questions about it, especially since I was being charged $280 an hour. I minded though.

Now that I've lived alone for the last 4 years I honestly can't see myself getting married or living with someone again. I like the freedom to come and go as I please, watch what I want on TV, cook what I want, fart at the dinner table, or whatever else suits my whim. Unlike a nagging wife, any background noise can be turned off with the remote.

W

Bourne

"Unlike a nagging wife, any background noise can be turned off with the remote."

ROTF!!!! Good one, Finally-Free!

Bourne

daniel-p

Thanks for those words, Bourne - truly encouraging.

yumbby

My husband and just got back together after a seperation. It was brutal and the hardest thing I've ever gone through, but it was good for both of us, realizing you aren't going to die without each other. We both found strength we didn't know we had. While I had always imagined the rest of my life with him I realized that I could go on alone if need be. As hard as it was, it was actually good for us both.

zenpunk

My husband and I are separating after 14 years. We got married in the KH and both left the organization. We are getting legally separated, we know we can't live together right now.

NewYork44M

I am seperated and divorced. The process was very painful and very expensive. But in the end worth every penny and sleepless night.

Get a good lawyer to protect your assets. I wrote checks over $80K last year not counting the asset distribution. My good christian ex wife thought she won the lottery when we seperated.

Which is ironic considering amoung her many complaints was that I was a "lover of money" and that I had a career against Wt policy.

Marital Separation - Your Experiences

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