she's just a friend

by daytona27 23 Replies latest social relationships

• 

  Pubsinger

  I was in a relationship like that (minus the hot tub!) for about 7 years.

  For what it's worth, here's my opinion.

  As you are moving away - I'd tell her how you feel.
  If that "weird's her out" you COULD always set about regaining her trust by not going weird on her yourself.
  If it turns out that she has feelings for you you could take it from there.

  My experience tho of this sort of a (possibly) onesided relationship is not good.
  It eats you up because you want more and it's unrecipricated but you live in hope.

  I also believe that if it turns out that she definitely doesn't want the friendship to go further YOU should put some boundaries in place.

  The hot tub stuff is off limits and if she repeats it again I feel she is not being fair because she's sending out mixed messages.

  I HOPE that she wants to develop the relationship.
  My gut feeling is that she doesn't.

  When I look back over my previous relationships I sometimes think about the times I seemed to meet the "right" person at the wrong time, and I wonder what might have been.
  But when I think about the person I knew, who sounds alot like this girl, I really don't view it in the same light.
  Neither of us were attached, the timing could have been worked out, and the opportunity was there. I told her how I felt.
  She didn't want to take it any further than the "shopping" and "dinners" that you're having.
  We did continue the friendship but in the end I needed someone who wanted more with me

  In the end she didn't WANT it.

  Not much you can do about that.
• 

  daytona27

  Thanks for the posts.
  
  Unbeliever, you are definitely right. I haven't let too many people in. With this one, really the only reason I did is because I set up som "safe" guidelines stating that I was interested in even being interested. It's true, but what I was really doing is trying to put myself in a position where I couldn't be hurt. I realize that now.
  
  So, we met with some friends Friday night, talked a bit. Sunday, she went and spent the day with me and my brother and sister, an hour's drive away. They were raised young as witnesses, but never baptized and are not interested in the organization. Sunday, after spending even more time with this girl, I realized that although I care for her, there's a big difference between that and being interested in a relationship. I think there is a possibility of one if I pursued it, but I had to ask if that's really what I want right now, and it isn't. Over the past month I learned quite a bit from her in that she doesn't have to be with anyone either. She's got a really good head on her shoulders. So, we're both good friends without the trappings of a relationship. I still think that's the best of any relationship anyway.
• 

  yourmomma

  if she is spending that much time with you, she has feelings for you. she can tell herself otherwise all she wants, and same for you. people who dont want relationships do not hang out all weekend together. you can tell yourself you dont want a relationship, but you deep down know what you want. its what we all want, to meet the right person and be happy. here is an idea, your moving anyway right? why not just put it out there and SEE what happens. you can even be honest with her and have a real conversation about both your pasts, etc. The best thing in my opinion is to have an open conversation and if she feels the same way you do, simply suggest a no pressure, no obligation "testing" period to see how it goes. (obviously word it slicker than me, lol) dont let these kind of opportunities pass you buy where you may kick yourself in the future. so you have to move? thats cool, it doesnt mean that you cant do this. if both of you have strong feelings and the right motives you can work it out. this just reminds me so much of my situation with my current wife before we were dating. good luck.
• 

  daytona27

  She hit me up for another shopping day this Saturday...then heading out to watch some music. Will be fun.
  
  If any of this teenage stuff has taught me anything it's to not be hung up on someone, to just plain not let that happen. Don't give into it. I had a chance last Sunday to talk to her, and passed it up...wasn't in a hurry to know anything one way or the other. Right now, it's working the way it is. It just is what it is, and It's cool. I don't have a need to know anything specific. Tomorrow is the last day of the week and I'm supposed to have this job offer in writing. I'm thinking it might be into next week, but I'm supposed to fly out next week for the site visit. Either way, this little soap opera will shift. I'm looking forward to the distraction of moving and getting settled into a new job. But then again, it's gonna be really strange to pack up and move across the country again...not really digging the thought of that too much.