ok, thinking about taking the leap and starting a family. i've held back for years because of this subject. almost entire family are jw's, but my husband and i haven't been for many years and have no desire to raise children as one, or any other organized religion. i would greatly appreciate thoughts and experiances. and how do you handle this topic with your families?
raising kids without a religion - thoughts, advice?
by atpeace 19 Replies latest jw friends
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Cc81
its interesting you post this. My husband and i are trying for a baby and i am struggling with the same issue..
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changeling
First of all, congratulations on wanting to start a family. The joys you will experience and the love you will feel towards your children are beyond compare.
I raised my children as JW's, so I have no first hand advice on how to do otherewise. However, I think it is possible (preferable even) to raise children in a religion free environment.
Through your example teach love, respect, good manners and tolerance. Give them opportunities to experience different cultures and mindsets. Show them the value of using their mind and reasoning skills.
Above all: love them to pieces, help them achieve their potential in life, and cheer them on in their endeavors whatever they may be.
changeling
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dinah
I'm by no means an expert but I never forced any religious views on my children. For the most part when they were very young, God was simply not on my mind.
Of course they would ask alot of questions, and I would just answer as straighforward and non-biased as I could. I did tell them I believe there is a God and that each person really needs to find Him for themselves. It's not something I can do for them.
My daughter is 14 and my son is 11. They both attend church on Wednesday nights. They made that decision on their own without any pressure. They enjoy going, probably because their friends attend. My daughter is a little more spiritual than my son, but then she's a little older.
Of course, you will get renewed pressure to get active in the organization from family when you have children.
They learn more by your example than by what you say. Forcing religious views are not healthy, imho.
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WTWizard
Try this principle: One must not initiate the use of force, threat of force, coercion, or fraud against another person or their property. That is really the one and only rule you need--using that as a guideline should produce the maximum productivity and happiness when they get older. And, you might just find that those religions hold people back (or course the witless religion is much worse than average).
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changeling
As for teaching "right from wrong": Show them that it's wrong to harm others and the earth. Not because "god will punish you", but becuase it makes life miserable. Our goal should be to be happy and not impede others in their road to happiness. You don't need religion to teach "the golden rule".
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ex-nj-jw
I have 3 children and only one was partially raised in religion - he's the one that's screwed up! The other two are happy, well adjusted young men. They don't go to church, I have no idea if they believe in god or not and it really doesn't matter one way or the other to me. They are not criminals, drug addicts, alchoholics..... They have not had any children and hopefull they will continue to use condoms until they are in a position to raise children (married or not). They are respectfull and loving and very down to earth with regards to accepting others for who they are not what they believe in.
Children can be raised without religion, teach them right from wrong. To respect others and to treat others the way they would want to be treated. Most of all love them, be there for them. Encourage them to learn and explore their world and to enjoy the life they have instead of wishing for the next life or waiting for some non-existant sky daddy to save them or make life better.
Good luck!
nj
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Mulan
We raised our kids as JW's, unfortunately.
Our daughter and her husband left the JW's after their first child was born. When he was about 4, she started telling him Bible stories, but he wasn't buying into any of it. He has a genius IQ, and told her "that's not true............why wouldn't god just kill the devil?". It made no sense to him, so she never tried again. Today, he is 11, he thinks hebelieves in god, but says it's not important, and he is a very good, upright kid.
I think no religious training is all right. Just teach them your family morality. A lot of the rest of it, is inborn, and somehow works in our lives.
I had friends in school that were not any religion at all, and most were nicer than the Catholic kids or the Protestants. They were certainly more tolerant of my weird religion.
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atpeace
i somehow posted this question 2x - on another board as well, so if you see me again thats why.
for cc - i just ordered this book: - it's gotten great reviews. can't wait to
Parenting Beyond Belief: On Raising Ethical, Caring Kids Without Religion"
Dale McGowan; Paperbackthanks for your comments. the worst part is the family thing. grandparents will be devestated. its one thing for my parents to know i'm not active, but i think in the back of their minds they think i will come around when i have kids. i'm more convinced than ever i don't want my children to have the same narrow minded upbring. i feel like i missed out on so many things. i guess thats why i'm ready to start a family - why cheat myself out of another experiance. and the chance to do it different.
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worldtraveller
We have 2 kids, 17 and 12. Both were raised with minimal religion. I will not force any to accept any belief. I believe their freedom of choice is more important. If they find something that interests them, then I will encourage them to pursue. As long as it's not the scietology or watchtower nonsense. All religion must be free. Anything that instills fear or dire warnings will be pushed aside as they are still vulnerable.
I see nothing wrong with minimal exposure to most faiths as long as there is nothing forced. Like choosing you style of music.