Undoing the Damage

Amber Rose

So, I was reading this thread http://www.jehovahs-witness.com/12/150394/1.ashx about psychological damage caused by being raised as a JW. Most seem to agree that yes, JW indoctrination is damaging to children. So here is my question: What do we do about it? I'm not looking for one-size-fits-all answer because that would be absurd. Looking at the list in the first post of that thread, I see a lot that I can identify with. (Learned helplessness, low self-esteem, denial, guilt etc.) What have you personally done to heal yourself? How far have you come since leaving the group?

journey-on

I don't know if anything can be done about it or not. Other than the emotional and psychological damage, most JW

parents are good people.....just deceived and manipulated, imo.

However, maybe the government should look into the WTB&TS "methods" of indoctrination and their strictness toward

those who voice dissent, especially where children are concerned. A few letters to the U.S. Dept. of Health & Human Services

regarding mental health issues focused on children raised in strict religious cults might begin to open doors for a closer look

at this organization.

garybuss

What have you personally done to heal yourself? I doubt I healed myself. I think it was too big of a job. I had lots of help.

When I quit working for the Witnesses, I didn't even know what my problems were. The worst thing the Witnesses did to me was teach me that I was doomed. That's a terrible thing to do to a kid. My parents #1 job as parents was to protect me and to prepare me for life. They failed. They took me into danger and they prepared me for death. I grew up with a constant feeling of impending doom.

How far have you come since leaving the group?That's hard to tell for me. I've been out since 1974 and I've been working on reformatting my personal operating system since 1991. I'd guess I'm operating on a beta system of some kind right now. I will say I'm pretty comfortable and I feel like I'm a student in search of a sage.

JAVA

What have you personally done to heal yourself?

Amber Rose -- I like your name; we have a nice restrant in town with the same name.

Time has a way of healing, and if you do a little something with that time, all the better. I spent about 20 years in the Tower, and I've been out for another 20. I think it's fair to say the longer a person is in, the longer it takes to return to something called normal. I took a few courses at the university, met some fun and interesting people along the way, and before I knew it, finished a 4-year degree. It helped to refocus and direct energy in a worth while way.

That worked for me, but it might not be for everyone. It's like you said, there isn't a "one-size-fits-all" fix. However, filling the void with something that benefits you is far better than sitting around feeling sorry about the years wasted in the Watchtower Society.

AK - Jeff

Recognition - then Time.

Most of us do not know that we are damaged goods when we first escape the cult. We need to expand the horizons, allow the mind to begin accepting that not all things are black and white. I'm not saying to throw out the good with the bad - there are good things that come out of being a Jw IMO - not just bad. But getting to the point where one can decide personally what one wants out of life is the key.

I listen to music that I missed or ignored when I grew up - I reflect on the history of the periods thru which I lived, trying to understand what was really happening in spite of my Jw blinders at the time. I read, read, read. Websites, books. I allow my curiousity to roam freely at times. There is a website called 'StumbleUpon' that will take you to random sites that match the things of interest to you. I sometimes just hit the button and let my mind drift thru the sites. I play 'devil's advocate' at times - taking a random position that is opposite the one I learned to adapt as a JW. I talk to people whom I would never have spoken to - except to witness to them - as a Jw. I meditate on my mortality, something I never accepted as a Jdub.

I am surprised how often I find that I am not the person I used to be. I find myself interested in things that I would not allow my self to even think about as a dubby.

Not too long ago I was wondering if the mental-hold ever released. I don't think it does 100% - anymore than a Catholic or Hindu can forget the life they used to live - but it gets a lot better with time and exploration.

Jeff

evita

garybuss pretty much summed it up for me.

It has been extremely difficult to shake the belief that all "worldly" endeavors are dangerous and futile.

I have times when my idealism and creative energies overcome those beliefs. But I also experience depression and anxiety from old and deep conditioning and ways of thinking.

It definitely helps to keep busy with mental and social activity. That seems to help me the most. Also taking care of myself by eating right and staying physically active.

Amber Rose

Evita,

It has been extremely difficult to shake the belief that all "worldly" endeavors are dangerous and futile.

I think this has been my biggest obstacle also. I quit attending meetings just over one year ago, and I have shed alot of the of my cynicism about the world in general, but there still sometimes is a nasty residue. I'm going to be starting school next week. Being around people and learning stuff should help me feel like a real person, I hope.

Lady Lee

undoing the damage

well I think one of the things I did was to examine what I believed and whether it felt true to me.

I had one friend (never a JW) we talked about everything. I don't think there was anything we didn't talk about.

His first language was French so sometimes the translations were a bit off and we agree that if there was something we didn't understand we would say "Define"

We defined everything. It was great for both of us; him for the language issue and me for redefining my world-view.

I try as much as possible here to not use WT buzzwords - worldly people or the world, the Truth, along with many others. I think that this helps me to see WT teachings from the outside-in instead of staying in the WT mindset.

I allow myself to do things that were forbidden or frowned on, like going back to school and getting a degree, celebrating holidays, wearing skirts above the knee (although I have given that one up), and YES I tried smoking and grass, had sex with someone I wasn't married to.

What I discovered was my own sense of values and beliefs, a personal set of values that sometimes fall closer to a JW belief but now I incorporate these values and beliefs because they are right FOR ME. They are no longer are dictated by an organiztion.

Undoing the Damage

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