This was the first house I ever knew...when Mom came home from the hospital...this was it. I waited all those months to get into this world and come and live here...a peaceful home. I had some toys and spent my days learning to ride my tricycle and then progressed onto learning to ride my beautiful blue bicycle which Dad had brought home as an end-of-year gift for me. It was beautiful. Shiny, new it reflected Daddy's love to me....every time it shone in the bright sun I could see the sparkle in his eyes!! I was his boy!!! He was so proud of me. He had saved money for months so he could experience the joy of giving his son the blue bicycle.
Later that afternoon and in the next week or so, the bicycle became a little less shiny, my hands and knees knew mother earth a little more intimately as I practiced and practiced to learn how to ride
I was 5 years old lived in a nice house on a decent size piece of property which my Dad had provided for the family. I had 2 dogs, a cat loving parents who loved each other and loved me. Life was grand..and I can still see it all so clearly now.
The next door neighbor was my age....his name was Gary and he had a small yellow bicycle. He could ride it like a champion. He was my best friend and I was his. I wanted so badly to be able to ride like him.
And then one day it happened! I got on my bike, cranked away at the peddles and a new rider was born. I was elated. I showed my dogs how well I could ride and reminded them that now I would be as fast as them for the first time.
"Gary, I have to show Gary I suddenly thought" and I raced out of my driveway and into his. His driveway was clear and the house was quiet. I rode up to the front door, in case someone was inside - that way they could see how well I could ride now. I knocked on the door...and waited.
No answer...I knocked again...nothing. Unperturbed I walked back to my bicycle and lifted one leg over...and I heard a peculiar noise. It came from the backyard in Gary's house. I dismounted, thinking perhaps it was Gary. I walked around the back of the house...the door on the porch was wide open. I went to stick my head through to see if Gary was there.
The 2 men were holding down the woman in the family room. One of the men held a bread knife pointing at her face. The other one was asking her questions. I looked more closely and I recognized the woman. It was Mavis. Mavis - the cleaning lady. She had been hit on the side of her face, obviously by one of the men. She was terrified.
I was too young to know what to do. "Is Gary home?" I asked. Hearing my boyish voice I think they were totally startled. Quickly one of the men grabbed me, he was the one with the bread knife. My life changed in that instant. For the first time ever in my life I had a new friend...that friends name is "fear". The man held the knife at my throat, turned to Mavis and said "OK last chance....where do they keep the stuff? Tell us now or say goodbye to this boy".
Even now I don't know what happened next...I simply cannot recall. But I know I was locked in Gary's closet and I never saw Mavis or the men again. I just sat there alone in the dark, shivering, afraid, scared out of my skull.
The darkness was so scary. That’s all I remember...
The police questioned me at my house...for what felt like an eternity. But all I could think of was those men coming back for me...at night in the years that followed that day...that’s all I could think about. The men coming out of the dark to get me and kill me. I had to eliminate the shadows....I had to eliminate the dark...the lights would stay on. I had to sleep in my Dad's arms...He had to keep me safe...yes he had to keep me safe for the next several years. I could not sleep by myself in my room....even with the lights on. Yes if I closed my eyes...it was dark...so I would not sleep. My poor parents had to put up with me sleeping in their bed or on the floor in their room until I was 9 years old. If they locked their bedroom door for some privacy, they would come out and find me laying on the cement floor outside their bedroom door.
"The shadow lurkers....the evil men...please don't let them come for me. Please Daddy keep me safe. Watch over me while I sleep, pray to Jehovah for me...I feel safe by you Daddy...I love you Daddy"