Is it wrong that I do not wish to see my family?

student1

Please excuse the ambiguity of this email, I am confused and unsure of my feelings about my family and have not seen them in a while now. My mum has tried to organise a visit but I have avoided going to see my family. I have seen my sister but the last time I saw her there was quite alot of upset (If you see my last family related post!)

All of my immediate family are Jehovahs witnesses, the rest of my family are not jw's they are delighted about my decision to leave but after years of having hardly anything to do with them because of the jws stand on worldly family I do not feel close to them atall.

I became completely detatched from my family even my beloved sister, I feel as though my friends are my family, i spend most of my time with them. I used to visit my family as they have continued to want to see me and I would visit once every few months or so. Besides from my parents being jehovahs witnesses which makes things difficult, I dont think I actually like my parents. I cannot ascertain wether my feelings are just anger at being raised in a cult and missing out on so much or I just find that the religion that I despise is so central to their existance Id rather not be around them hearing them talk about it.

Leaving the JW's has been very hard I am having counselling as I have quite low self esteem and sufferred with depression for many years. Since leaving I have been able to come off the antidepressants and am happier on the whole, but I remain in pain at the loss of many friends and guilt at causing my family especially my sister embarrissment.

My counseller has helped me to see that I do not have to see my family (or anyone for that matter) that I do not want to. I gave followed through with his advise and only doing things that I want to, but I feel bad about this.. surely its my duty to see my family especially when they are making the effort. The other side of this arguement is that many of you are in pain missing your family and would kill to have your parents ask to see you and here I am moaning saying that I dont want to see them!! I just feel horrible when I see them.

xxxxxx

Tara

Sorry. I'm glad you have a thereapist to work through your feelings on this. If they make you feel bad, I don't think you need to see them at all. You are conflicted though. What about meeting in a neutral place for coffee, or breakfast, lunch, etc. Something that will have a definite beginning and end time...(translated=short). The public place would help everyone be on their best behavior. When you're done with your coffee, etc, you leave.

Satanus

'My counseller has helped me to see that I do not have to see my family (or anyone for that matter) that I do not want to.'

I agree w your counseler 100%. You need to find your feelings, and go w them. 'Course, this may be just a phase for you, as you sort things out. Isolation in finding our deeper selves is a practice w a long history within many cultures; the catholic, the native american, buddhist, etc.

'I gave followed through with his advise and only doing things that I want to, but I feel bad about this.. surely its my duty to see my family'

You don't have any duty, in the pure sense, except to yourself and to your kids, if you have any. You need to get yourself well, and then, after that, you can see about others.

S

student1

thankyou satanus and tara, I do need to feel good in myself first - thank you xxxx

horrible life

To all at JWD:

Please note, the above statement made by student1, was made by student1 only, and even though resembles horrible life almost exactly, does not mean that student1 and horrible life are the same person. It is just a coincidence. I am sure it is not the intention of student1's to imitate horrible life's life.
Thank you, H/L

To student1, the only exception to your story, that is not my own, is that I can't afford counseling. Maybe we can make some kind of a deal, when you find out, what the answers are, I would be willing to pay for some information. I have really never seen on JWD, anyone who mirrors my family, and my feelings. And I too, wonder what is wrong. I feel bad, that I don't feel bad. So, I still have stress. Go Figure!!

student1

Horrible life... I would happilly share my findings from therapy.. please feel free to email me and tell me what is going on. xxx

flipper

STUDENT 1- Hey there, Mr. Flipper here. I'm so glad you have a counselor to help you with your thoughts. I agree with what the other posters said and I might add that you don't need to be guilty about anything. Guilt is a trait that the JW cult tries to instill in people so they can be controlled. The governing body feels if they are able to promote their teachings through fear and guilt, then they have the power and control over you. Be kind to yourself , don't put that unneeded weight on your own shoulders , or allow anybody else to put it on you either . If your witness family tries to preach to you- just set up boundaries with them about what you will talk about, and what you won't talk about . See your family- but on your own terms . Take control of the situation with kindness and respect . That is all you owe them. You don't owe them being in a mind controlled cult . May you have peace friend

Elsewhere

You may want to write an open letter to your extended family expressing what you express here.

Make sure you let them know that there is no ill-will. Make sure you let them know you just need time.

Hortensia

you know what they say, you can choose your friends but you can't choose your family. But you can choose to walk away from the family if it is healthier for you. If it is only guilt that is tying you to them, then you can safely let them go. If you realize you don't really like them, you're just facing the truth. As for what others think about it, you'll have to get tough and not care what they think. You have to live your life - try to live it happier than before even if that means walking away from your family.

Gopher

Student1,

I too am estranged from my JW parents. I'm DF'd so they're actually afraid of me (and my DA'd sister). I have held the door open for them to contact me and show they care, but except for a few brief phone calls they refuse. I cannot interact with them as they are, I can only dream of what might have been if the JW's didn't break up our family.

But as far as extended family and relatives, they are very glad I'm out of the JW's. I went to a family reunion on both my mom's and dad's side of the family, and the people were so nice to me. It's not like we're all going to be seeing each other a lot now, but at least we've established contact and have had some pleasant conversation. I hope you can at least get to know some of your extended non-JW family, because there's something special about being with relatives that make you feel like you "belong".

Is it wrong that I do not wish to see my family?

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