any thoughts?

BIG D

For those of you that dont know me, i am a single dad with 3 boys for 5 years now, my x signed her rights away long ago.

No support ever, no insurance, even before she signed her rights away, many long stories of her abuse that caused her to lose custody to me years ago, she has never dealt with her abuse over even acknowledged it, i put my kids thru years of counseling, and they do not wish to see her, she has been calling alot lately, i dont hear from her for maybe 4 months at a time, she is crying , wanting to try to see them.

I must tell you she has , mentally , physically, and mentally sexually abused them, and then charged me with sexual abuse, with which it took me a year in evaluations, and family studies , and 35,000 in lawyer fees to disprove, and the judge saw her lies and removed them from her for abuse. I also believe she has many emotional problems , both real and imagined. she has threatned to kill herself both before and lately.

My question is this, am i a bad man for not letting her see them?

I feel i am making the right decision to not let her.

big d

BIG D

btt

avishai

My question is this, am i a bad man for not letting her see them?

Nope, you're a good man.

Exposing your children to a monster like that would make you a bad man...

I understand it's hard, but you're doing the right thing!!! Wish there were more parents in the world like you. I've seen the results of abuse firsthand @ my old job w/ abused kids.

mouthy

Gosh that is a hard question you ask. If she has abused them before -is it wise to let her see them? If she is mentally deranged ,it could cause them fears. What does her Dr or your worker ( if you have one) recommend? I feel for you.

Wish I had an answer that would help I just wanted you to know I care. ((((HUGS))))

BIG D

avi............

Thanks, thats what i thought, but i always value the opinion of others!!

mouthy...........

No caseworker for 5 years now, i have been doin it alone, i had a counselor for the kids for 2 years, she says no, hell no!

I always want to believe we are all inheriently good, but in this case its not that way.

big d

serendipity

Ask your kids how they would feel about a 60 minute supervised visit, if that's feasible.

changeling

Do the kids want to see her and are they old enough to handle her (supervised, of course)? If they are still little, maybe you should wait a few years.

If you allow her to see them, will she then get "ideas" and try to gain custody thus throwing you back into a legal tug of war?

I feel for you. I'm a person who likes "win, win" outcomes and I think you are as well (otherwise you would not be contemplating this question), but sometimes there has to be a loser. In this case, makes sure the loser is your wife and not the kids.

My best to you,

changeling

BIG D

stevie............

I have considered that , i did that twice before, and the supervisor stopped it, i forgot to mention that she hid them once for 6 months.

big d

erynw

The protection and well-being of your kids should be your first priority. If she has not made any attempt to get help for her own issues, then I would say no. Being sad and feeling sorry for herself are insufficient reasons to expose your children to her.

Mr. Majestic

Hi BIG D,

I have seen personally a case similar to yours where the father got the custody of the children because his wife was an alcoholic.

Being that he was brought up in care, he thought that it would be a good thing for the children to see their mother. I could see that it didn’t do them any good at all. She continued to show disrespect while around them, getting very drunk while they were in her care, to the point where the children looked after her while visiting.

I don’t know your case personally but that case I did, and it did no good to the children at all, though I did understand why he wanted his children to see their mum.

Hope this helps.

P.S. I still didn’t view him as a bad dad despite his decision.

any thoughts?

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