D,
No advice...too late to think...just wanted to welcome you and wish you the best...
Keep posting!
V
I need some advice...my first post!
by Dehliah 29 Replies latest jw experiences
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flipper
DEHLIA- Welcome to the board friend. I too have been out 4 years and have had to fight to keep fading and not be harassed by elders even though I have not gone to meetings for 4 years. It sounds like you handled it brilliantly with those nosy elders at the funeral. I would just continue fading gracefully , refuse to meet with elders for anything, they just want to catch you at your words. Stay as close as you can to witness family without discussing religion or anything controversial. That is how I've done it, and it seems to work on those relatives of mine who respect my fade. Good luck, and Mrs. Flipper says hi! and welcome too ! Peace out, Mr. Flipper
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jgnat
I don't have much to contribute but I just wanted to say that I think you have a very stupid (extended) family. Shame on them for rejecting you. I think you are a woman with a generous nature and great common sense. You gave your cousin a beautiful parting gift, acceptance.
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delilah
Welcome Dehliah....you've come to the right place. We're here for you.
I'm very sorry for the loss of your cousin...I'm proud that you were there for him. You have a kind and loving heart.
Dark Uncle said, when I first saw your name I was dyslexic and thought it was Delilah, the famous hair styleist from the bible.
LOL...I thought my eyes were playing tricks on me too...
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Gilberto
Hi there and welcome.
Just a point on the elder asking if you considered yourself a JW.
It could be to rule you out from disfellowshipping.
I was asked the same question. I avoided answering, I thought sayng no would constitute DAing myself. I was then asked if the elders could come and see me, I said "no, don't bother". I thought they were after me, but nothing happened, it has been a while now.
The reason is, if you don't consider yourself a JW and have not asociated for some time they can leave you alone. The main thing is do not meet with them.
Here is the section Pay Attention Book. p99/100
Baptized persons who have not associated for some time .
If you learn of serious wrongdoing on the part of such a
person, the matter should be investigated if it poses a
threat to the congregation's cleanness and welfare or causes
a public scandal .
Consider the following :
Does he still profess to be a Witness?
Is he generally recognized as such in the congregation
and/or the community?
Does the person have a measure of contact or
association with the congregation so that a leavening,
or corrupting, influence exists?
How did the matter become known to the elders?
UNIT 5 (a)
99Is the person willing to meet with a committee,
thus admitting accountability to the Christian congregation?
Depending upon length of inactivity and other factors
suggested above,elders may determine to hold the
matter in abeyance .
In such a case, a record of the person's questionable
conduct should be made for the congregation file so
that everything noted might be clarified when the
person shows interest in becoming active again .
If the sinful conduct is known only to believing family
members and no congregation action is taken because
of the factors outlined above, believing relatives will
likely determine to curtail family association severely,
viewing the relative as bad association . (1 Cor. 15 :33)
If the individual still professes to be a Witness and is
willing to meet with the judicial committee, the matter
should be handled in the normal way . However, when
factors such as possible legal action exist, it is best to
consult the Society before proceeding . (w87 9/1 p . 14)
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TIMBOB
Hey there Dehliah,
As your background is unique, unfortunatly, its not an uncommon reflection. Im sorry for your loss. I myself have lost a close family member. Its never easy and it makes it even harder when the witnesses are involved. Also, since he was a person that could understand you as he had a witness background, it makes it even harder. So, if you ever need to chat. We're here. Not just saying that either. Send me a pm anytime. Or anyone else.
O and Welcome aboard.
Tbob
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UU Now
I'm so sorry about the loss of your cousin, and the behavior of your family.
Remember that you never, ever, have to speak or meet with anyone if you don't want to -- that includes the elders. It's easy to forget that when you've been raised to believe in their authority. If they ask to meet with you, say no. If you have caller ID, don't answer the phone when they call.
Be strong, and remember, your life is yours to live and no one else's. Live the life you want, and make that life a memorial to your cousin.
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Nowman
I left home when I was 18 too. I did not see my mom from 92-2000, my dad I have not seen since 92. It was tough, but I chose to never go back. I think it's terrible that many of us have struggled so much because of leaving the JWs, that in itself is just ugly.
My parents were major JW. I was not. Eventually, through life experience that includes trying to enjoy life and make improvements as you learn, things will work out and the JW thing will be further and further away. Luckily for me, we were the only 3 JWs in my familiy (A Great Aunt was), all the rest were not and I had their support and low and behold "worldly people".
Hang in there and take care.
Nikki
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momzcrazy
Welcom Dehliah!
I am sorry for the loss of your cousin. Thank you for accepting him for who he was. My sister is also gay and is living with her GF and GF's 2 yr old daughter.
Just so you know, not being DF'd or DA'd may not stop some family from shunning you. My mother cut me and my kids out of her life last week when I told her I was not going back to meetings and that we are celebrating the holidays. But my Witness mom-in-law got upset at that and still loves us. Go figure.
Gilberto is right. I had a sis-in-law who was living with a man and the elders asked me if she was still professing to be a Witness. I told them no and they said they wouldn't try to meet with her unless she started back to meetings. Nothing like being caught in the middle.
Good luck!
momzcrazy
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sspo
Sorry about the loss of your cousin.
You might not ready to be DF or DA, you're too much in turmoil with what's happening in your life.
If you meet with the elder and you say anything against the borg and its doctrines, you will be DF
and will lose your family.If the elders call, avoid them, tell them you're in a deep depression and cannot
meet with them. Do not answer any questions about the organization and being a JW.
Take your time, get back on your feet emotionally, plan your exit and if you want to keep your family,
do a fade, continue to show patience and love for them and try to keep a sense of humor with all the crap you're going thru.
This is what i did and it worked out better than being DF.