And it was probably blood that tipped me over from doubting to being sure it was all false.
I was visiting a hospital and ended up in an elevator with a patient in a bed being wheeled from theatre to her room. I saw a bag with bright orange blood and recognised it as cell saver blood. I thought that was just a blood transfusion with a gimmick and if the 'abstain from blood' things was a binding law from God, then that person was in violation. I also wondered how complicated adherence to 'abstain from blood' was and how volumes and volumes of words could be wrtten on what that meant. So, if cell saver was OK, so was every other blood product. And I thought cell saver blood was OK.
Then I recognised her.
I used to have my book study at her house in my old congo. On the ward was a man wating for her: he looked like an elder and he seemed OK with the bag of blood dripping into her arm.
That was, there and then, the end of my acceptance of the blood ban. That practice, cell saver, just didn't seem to meet 'abstain from blood' as described by the WTS and the blah, blah, blah surrounding it was just a smokescreen of fine sounding words to conceal a fundemental error. If cell saver was OK (and I thought it was), then 'abstain from blood' was irrelevent to modern medical treatments in my view.
End of being a JW.
End of pretending to be a JW took a bit longer.