A decision... (page 2)

eclipse

But again, if life deals me a blow, I will hit back. I will come out swinging and have the last laugh.

Loved that

cognizant dissident

Sorry Changeling

I was just taking you at your words....they leave an awful lot of leeway for mis-interpretation.

But if at any time my life is marred by an accident or disease that is crippling, physically or mentally and that requires the sacrifice of my family to sustain my life, I will terminate my life.

You might want to be a lot more specific in your "living will" or your family may just decide to pull the plug if you get arthritis or a little forgetful or something.

Seriously though, I'm sorry what you are going through with your parents. That is a difficult place to be in and I think dealing with the cognitive decline is worse than the physical. It is a part of life though too, albeit a crappy one.

I hope you are able to find some meaning or satisfaction in being able to care for them through this time. It may not come until after the fact.

Cog

flipper

CHANGELING- I can understand how you feel going through what you do with taking care of your parents . I'm sure your kids would respect your decision and honor it. But you got a lot of life left in ya young lady. What are you now, 37 ? Lets not talk about pushing up the daisies too soon now ! Peace out, Mr. Flipper

tijkmo

couldn't agree more...

not long now

sweetstuff

This post is hard one for me. I understand and respect your decision Changeling, I really do, it is your decision to make. I worked with alzehiemers residents in the past, as a personal care worker and it is a hard job, seeing someone once so vital and with clarity of mind slip back into childhood, but it also was a wonderful learning experience. The childlike joy they would have over a simple hug or a "treat" was a wonderful mental reminder how we get so bogged down in being "adults" we forget the simple pleasures in life, all too soon. In their moments of clarity, I gleamed many words of wisdom from those patients that will stay with me forever.

We had one resident who was mid-stage alzheimers, her name was Helen, 96. She had a masters degree in biology, and one in mathematics. The conversations with her, I will never forget. She was a single mother, who raised two daughters, put herself thru school and had some amazing stories to tell. She never lost her zest or spunkiness. Her favorite remark when seeing a good looking man on tv..."He can park his boots under my bed anyday". (She always had us in stitches with that one!) She had the entire bible memorized and could quote any scripture you mentioned, as well as political information, biology, you get the idea. Yet she would forget where her room was. I am glad she lived the long life she did, because I got to be around an amazing woman who made me laugh and taught me alot, despite her disease.

Should the time come and most likely it will, that I need to care for my own elderly parents, I don't dread it or think of it as a burden (not suggesting you do). They wiped my snotty nose as a kid, they changed my diapers, bathed me. I don't see anything unnatural in my doing it for them, should they need my help. It's one thing I really noticed though, in working with alzheimers residents, our culture (north american) is so less family oriented than our european and southern neighbours.

I think perhaps we are a bit more selfish, whether that is good or bad is up for debate. But its rare to find a chinese or japanese, or italian person shipped to a nursing home, they tend to care for their elderly family, with a love we dont' seem to have on a whole in our culture. I find thats kind of sad, really. Life is about cycles, when we needed to be cared for, they did it, so, I figure, when they need to cared for, I will do it, not because I have to, but because I want to. I am sure you feel the same way, considering you are caring for your aged parents now.

I wouldnt' want to be a burden on my children either, but then, I have to take their feelings and desires into account as well. Perhaps I would be doing them and my grandchildren a diservice by not allowing them to work together as a family to care for me, when I need it, perhaps I would be burdening them. It's a very tough call, without a doubt.

Gregor

But again, if life deals me a blow, I will hit back. I will come out swinging and have the last laugh.

I think my loved ones will look back one day and laugh as well.

I don't know you or your family, but just in general the above statement makes no sense to me. If life deals you a blow you will hit back? If hitting back means suicide then I think your statement is very confused. Hitting back when life deals a blow would mean being a fighter, one who refuses to give up.

If one of your loved ones became disabled and needed your help would you prefer they just, what, slice open an artery? blow their brains out? sit in the garage with the car running? - Would you look back on their suicide one day and have a good laugh?

beksbks

If I am unfortunate enough to end up in a wheelchair unable to care for myself or speak, as my father did for the last 7 years of his life, I would hope that some kind soul could slip me a bye bye pill. Yea, I'm that selfish.

It seemed to make my mother happy to have him around to take care of, but the man was in misery, I know it, I saw it, I felt it. He would sit in his chair with tears streaming down his face. His life was nothing more than sitting in that chair. He had been the most physically active person I had ever known And a reader. He couldn't even do that. I find the idea that anyone would have wanted him to keep living, just to satisfy their sensibilities, the crueler and more selfish point of view.

I've had three physically healthy friends commit suicide. My only comfort, was that the were no longer in torment.

A decision...