To those who've been DFed...

by IsaacJS2 12 Replies latest jw friends

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  IsaacJS2

  I was just wondering if anyone ever tried to find a mature way to defy their supposed authority to judge you this way and what sort of reactions you got. I haven't been DFed, but it could certainly happen some day.

  I'm not planning to meekly put up with the preaching next time Witnesses try it on me, which has made me wonder about this. It seems a bit immature to go right up to them and say "Hiya!" just to be mean - I'd prefer to take the high road - but it occurs to me that I don't want them to think I feel bad about it or that I accept their authority to pass judgment over me either. DFing is - to me at least - passive aggressive bullying. It's like they're saying, "See? We can judge you and make it stick. Stings, don't it? Yeah, sucks to be you."

  Has anyone ever found a good way to stand up to them on this one?

  IsaacJ
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  carla

  Why would saying Hi to them be mean? Because you know that they are not supposed to talk to a df'd person? Or because you accept their ungodly judgements? I would think the best way is to say Hi if you see someone you are fond of. In normal society it is considered rude to not acknowledge a person you have known for years and have see every other day as in dubland. Why give them power at all? Common courtesy should not be mandated by ungodly men. If an ex jw has left because they no longer believe certain things there is no reason to pretend to believe that a few men in a kh should continue to have power over how you behave. Kill them with kindness and see how flustered they get at the jw who left jah and are supposed to be nothing but angry and bitter.
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  Happy Harvester

  Radical acceptance. The only way for me to move on is radical acceptance. I can't and won't take on the responsibility of changing them. I can only work on me and my life and leave their change and growth up to them. Moving on is the only way. In the real world, if someone avoids you and tells you to piss off, what do you do?
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  Happy Harvester

  In the real world, if someone maligns you and treats you badly, how do you address it? It all depends on your personal style, coping skills, and on the situation.

  But if you know someone's going to "diss" you or disabuse you or treat you like a second-class citizen or act repeatedly in a toxic fashion toward you, why keep going back for more?

  A casual "hello" or "good bye" is fine for people like that. Why drive yourself crazy trying to figure out craziness? You have a choice. You don't have to live with it unless you want to.
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  Shepherd Book

  Isaac:

  You ask if anyone has found a mature way to defy elders 'authority' over them in regards disfellowshipping. I guess it's up to you as to whether I handled things in a mature manner or not, but I suggest this:

  If the elders call or stop by and wish to meet with you, especially if it's concerning certain 'accusations', don't give them a straight yes or no answer. Tell them you want to think/pray about the matter and promise to get back to them. Then send them this letter: http://www.watchtowerletters.com/our_letter_elders.html.

  When the elders called me, this is exactly what I did and I have not heard from them since then (it's been >3 months since the phone calls). I have not been disfellowshipped.

  Here's my home page: http://www.watchtowerletters.com, and from there you can listen to my phone conversations with the elder and read more about my situation, if that helps. There's a link to my email address there, too, if you have any more concerns.

  Hope it helps.
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  MikeA

  Ask them a simple question...... almost too obvious for words...... "Who do you think you are, God?" "Do you people really believe you are THAT important?" "What year did you graduate college and what was your major?"
  
  Ok, the last one was mean, but what the heck...... I'm not perfect like they so obviously are.....
  
  Oh yeah...... don't forget to laugh when they tell you that you are df'd. I was amazed at how effective that was when it happened to me. THey said something like "laughing to your ruin" and I said, "no, just laughing at YOU."
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  drew sagan

  My wife likes to smile and wave, but not run up to them. Just making them recognize your presence and showing them you are happy and could care less about their rules works for her. I've done the same thing but have run in to far less JWs than she has.
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  ex-nj-jw

  I was just wondering if anyone ever tried to find a mature way to defy their supposed authority to judge you this way

  The JW's are a religios cult, they have NO Authority over anyone unless that person gives them that authority. Why bog yourself down with "their authority", those elders are human beings just like you and I, they put their pants on just like you or I, one leg at a time. Ignore them unless they are taking care of you and/or yours, paying your mortgage and various bills, providing food and nurishment to you and/or yours,what they think, say or feel doesn't even matter in the big picture.

  I know loosing family to this cult is devastating but don't sit around worring about what authority they have over you, it's ZERO!
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  anewme

  My style is to appear very happy and relaxed and unfazed by their presence.
  
  This last summer my new husband and mother in law and I were eating in a local restaurant when in walks
  an elder and his wife from my old congregation.
  
  It has been six years since my dfing and departure from their lives.
  
  I continued to enjoy my meal and new family and completely ignored the other couple.
  
  As they got up to leave the husband walked by me in silence, but the wife smiled and squeezed my shoulder and whispered "Good to see you"
  
  
  I only smiled and nodded and continued with my forkful of food.
  
  My family wondered and asked who that woman was who touched me and spoke to me.
  
  I told them that we had been sitting right next to old friends of mine who came to my first wedding and who I had known for 35 years but who were under orders not to speak to me.
  
  I was proud of myself for behaving so graciously towards those who shun me.
  
  I hope they too will someday wake up to reality and realize the man-made prison they are in.
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  nomoreguilt

  Heap FIERY coals on their pin heads.They hate it.While I was df'd I would ocasionally run into some of them in public. The hard liners would give me the evil eye, to that I would smile. New ones in the borg would act like" OMG what do I do"? A WINK took care of them. My dearest of friends, and believe me, I had many, acted like old times. They could never be so cruel, and why should they?Nothing short of REAL death should ever come between you. Once I was re-instated though, I was like the Prodigal son to all of them, with the exception of the elders who knew.........Now that I have faded away? Who really gives a.......