A two for one special!
Today is my birthday and this Thursday marks a full year posting on the forums here.
It's been on my mind recently, thinking over the past year that I thought I'd do a year in review. Last year, around this time, things were starting to bother me. For all intensive purposes I had completely faded. My wife would drag me to the odd assembly and memorial, but that was the extent of my witness life.
It worked for me. I kept my family and didn't need to go to meetings or in service. The problem was our kids. They were getting older and I could see confusion in their lives. They were being raised with the witness ideals, but not as witnesses. At school they would be alienated and in the congregation they would be labeled as bad association. I set out to research what had changed in the organization and stumbled onto this site.
I had no idea about the generation change, UN scandel or pedophile problems and coverups. I was morally outraged as I continued to read and prematurely confronted my wife with all this glaringly obvious hypocritical behavior. Not the best idea. I laid it out for her that this religion was false and our children were being raised in a corrupt organization. In retrospect, not the wisest of moves. We had a long discussion and while she could see problems, she was willing to stick it out rather than with me. We discussed getting divorced since our views were so different.
Fortunately after a couple days for both of us to think things over we both avoided the hot topics since neither of us really wanted a divorce. We struck a compromise that she could take the kids to meetings and in service if she wanted to, and I would do the holidays with them, just not at home. I could understand that, you may not be happy your husband is a mouth foaming apostate, but you really don't need to see your house decorated with santas and halloween.
We had the first birthday party for oldest son and my wife came along as well. I think that was the biggest eye opener for her when she saw how delighted the kids were and after it was over, nobody was decapitated. Life went back to normal and things seemed to be working.
Later in the summer, we discovered Facebook and were having a great time getting reacquainted with old friends, both witness and non. The exercise was a bit taxing on my wife. Most of her friends weren't witnesses anymore. She was conflicted, they used to be her friends, but if they aren't witnesses that means they should be shunned. I suggested she contact them anyways and she did and rekindled her friendships. She was interested in why her friends left and found one friend that let her in on all the child abuse horrors. He had actually be abused and charged the predator later in life.
Through the conversation, my wife discovered this site and my identity here.
With the scales off her eyes, she could see the corruption herself and was amazed at everything that was sitting right in front of her, but she couldn't see. She could see that the organization didn't and would never have God's blessing.
It was liberating and sad at the same time. Our family could start to be completely united, but essentially the fade was over. We rent from a witness and my parents are in the same city. There is no way we could just do our own thing without my parents finding out. Personally, I would rather they find out from me telling them, then find out from someone else or the kids saying something.
I knew the result, but it had to be done, I talked to my parents and let them know that we were no longer witnesses. Initially the conversation went well, but after my parents thought about it for a while, they grew bitter and decided to shun us outright. The biggest source of bitterness was that they wanted to shun us, but still have access to their grandkids. Witnesses really expect special treatment for being part of "the one true religion". So when I told them those terms were unhealthy and unacceptable they cut off contact.
That brings us to this past week. Out of the blue my wife's witness friend contacts her via email. She heard from my brother that we were no longer witnesses. He said that we had turned our back on the organization and did not want to have anything to do with family or witnesses. A blatent lie, but I could identify the source as my parents instantly. Intially she begged and pleaded with my wife to return to Jehovah and then when my wife said no, turned viscous and called her selfish, evil and that both Jehovah and her wanted nothing to do with my wife.
Heartbreaking. My wife told me that was her test. She had been wondering if the pull of friendship would make her go back to the organization. It didn't.
The following day we had my birthday party with our new adoptive family who included me with 3 others that have their birthdays within a couple weeks of each other.
The organization has lost it's teeth. It's like that scary movie you remember from your childhood. So terrifying at the time, but now when you see it, you almost laugh due to the cheesy attempt to look serious. That is what the organization is to me. A fading memory and a bad one at that.
Our family is starting from scratch. We are starting fresh and alone, but we have the one thing that witnesses will never have. Love.
While personally I no longer believe the bible is from God, I can't help but think of some good advice.
1 Corinthians 13:2-7
2 If I have the gift of prophecy and can fathom all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have a faith that can move mountains, but have not love, I am nothing.
3 If I give all I possess to the poor and surrender my body to the flames, but have not love, I gain nothing.
4 Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud.
5 It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs.
6 Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth.
7 It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.