The psychological effects of faking dubism

by LtCmd.Lore 28 Replies latest jw friends

• 

  Midget-Sasquatch

  You've done a great job detailling its effects. I can only add that, personally anyway, there's also negative repercussions on how I view myself. Lying and not having the courage of my true convictions. Can I even use the word conviction to anything I think if I never really stand up for anything?

  Having to fake believing this stuff for family etc leads to a quieter, calmer life, but I also deal with my ever growing lack of sincerity and genuineness, and that makes it all seem like an empty life really. Hmm, I'll stop being like Marvin the Dub Robot now. Although alot of dubbies strike me as being just as depressing.

  You've got an excellent attitude though. You're basically a survivalist and planning an exit strategy that will get you where you really want to be. Keep on doing whatever you're doing.
• 

  LtCmd.Lore

  Wow guys! Thanks for all the support and stuff.

  I can see why you have to fake it at the moment, but how do things go when you have to try converting others? If you're working in pairs, and you have to fake a good presentation, don't you worry about those you talk to getting drawn in?

  Maybe you've never had to worry about it because no one has shown any interest, but if any have, or taken the mags out of politeness, do you ever go back on your own to warn them?

  Furtunately, door-to-door preaching is a joke. It's just busy-work.

  So mostly: I've never really had to worry about it, because no one has shown any interest. But on the rare occasion that anyone actually accepts the magazines I simply "lose" their address.

  It's really not much of an issue.

  I worry for you exiting JW's and the absence of an intimate social network. When the days get rough and lonely, the internet can be a lonely place to hang.

  Yeah, it'll probably be pretty miserable if I can't make some friends fast. And I don't make friends quickly.

  Likewise JG. And it pissed me off so much that I went to the library in the rear about every twenty minutes to look up conflicting BS! The elders, during my inintentional fade actually told me "the brother have noticed you are back there a lot, it's disturbing some," I asked them what the library was for, as I have often see other go in to look something up. Nothing. I went back even more after that. We had glass windows to see the main auditorium and I would have the computer on, and books all over the JC table!!!.............oompa....I kept waiting for them to lock the door during the meetings

  HAH! That's funny!

  I've never actually seen anybody USE the library. In fact, I've kind of forgot it was available.

  I think I might take a few scans of the older books. I know a few old scans I could use.

  I bet they'd get nervous if I started scanning older books and mags. But what can they say?

  I think the effects are bad for your personality and mental health, but so is being a dub.
  A psychologist/psychiatrist would tell you how you are being dishonest with yourself.
  You have your reasons, as faders and other fake JW have them.

  Yeah, it can't be good for my mental health. But I haven't woke up naked in the hall or threw a grenade in a room of GB members yet, so I guess I'm fine.

  Well, most of you have gone through this already. Do you think you are stronger because of it?

  Lore
• 

  tula

  my favorite food is chicken and my favorite drink is Pepsi.

  
• 

  mavie

  I'm going to share my experience:

  I've learned to hold my tongue, no matter how obsurd or offensive a remark is, I have to ignore it and even smile and/or say 'I agree'.

  I've learned to lie, and I've gotten pretty good at it.

  I've distanced myself mentally from my friends

  I've learned to hide my emotions.

  I've learned how to keep secrets.

  I've learned to seriously think about what I say before I say it.

  I developed the same traits Lore. Especially the bold items. After I finally left and began to make new friends, enter into new relationships, and interact with 'normal' people, I was still operating as though I was in the Kingdom Hall. I tended to 'go with the flow' and carefully speak when asked a question, waiting for the hammer to come down on me.

  I've found that this hinders developing good friendships and can harm intimate relationships. I've learned it's normal for this to happen, to act this way, at first. Now I'm actively trying to discard these traits. The biggest step for me was opening up emotionally and demanding self respect. The idea that my opinion and feeling matter just as much as the person next to me.

  The world isn't such a scary place after all, the earlier you can get out the better.
• 

  mavie

  On another note, life is great 18 months out of the cult! I dealt with most of my sh*t immediately after leaving, it still rears its ugly head every so often, but will be gone soon.
  
  Mindfulness helped me. Check out Stephen Batchelor, he writes for a western agnostic buddhists.
• 

  truthsearcher

  2 words: Exit Counseling!

  I think this would be really valuable for anyone who had lived a double life, to help them readjust to the outside world.

  Maybe you've never had to worry about it because no one has shown any interest, but if any have, or taken the mags out of politeness, do you ever go back on your own to warn them?

  What about having business cards with Don't Believe This Magazine and the web address of JWD and just slip them into the mag before you hand them over to the householder? It does have the potential for backfiring, though. Or keep the address of the person and mail an anonymous note.
• 

  Crumpet

  Gumballs could probably give us great insight on this one! Where is the scoundrel? I miss him!
• 

  kerj2leev

  You are much stronger than I, since I couldn't do it...I had to walk away.

  Not sure if I would say someone is a stronger person for staying. I think it has much to do about circumstances and ones personality. I for one stayed when I knew it wasn't what it was being sold as. After 5 years of the constant pressure my mind and body snapped.
• 

  Maddie

  I think you have a strength of mind far beyond your tender years. Coping with living a double life is extremely demanding mentally but hopefully you won't be doing it for too long.

  I think that it calls for great discipline, which is a big asset in life. The psychological effects are another matter though and for me personally I find it too destructive.

  I wish you well and am sure that you will make the right decisions at the right time for you.

  Maddie