I spoke to my JW mother...

by coolhandluke 12 Replies latest jw friends

  • coolhandluke
    coolhandluke

    We had a disagreement a few months ago because she asked me to pay for her to come to see my brother graduate from his Masters program. Whats the big deal with that? She said that her conscience would allow her to come and give him support even though I was there. Since this was a family matter she believed that Jehovah would forgive her if she had to eat with me. Why would she have to eat with me? Because my brother wouldn't ask me to leave just so she'd feel comfortable. I told her that it was strange that her God would make excuses for her to do what it was that she wanted to do most. I know that she loves my brother more than she loves me. It's not a big deal. I just wanted her to know that I knew and that I forgave her for it. After her visit it has been about 5 months since we have spoken.

    Our conversation yesterday was good. I apologized for the way I left the org. Not that I left but the way that I left. I just stopped talking to her. I was trying to protect her from what I was doing. (that would be knockin boots by the way). It was a cowardly of me to not confront my real reasons for leaving, my doubts and misgivings but using a human shield in my then girlfriend. It was theraputic to apologize. She said that she'd done the same thing to her mother and she could understand needing to find who it was that you are inside. The difference is that my mother kinda whored around and did loads of drugs. I'm pretty much the same 'cept for the long hair, beard and newly found sexual prowess in my serial monogomy. Any who. She is trying to get accepted for the international conventions for the 3rd time in a row. More power to her. I told her that she was welcome in my home at any time. I meant that. Live and let live. Perhaps we are getting closer to that...

  • Rooster
    Rooster

    Good for you CHL.. God bless.

  • Sunspot
    Sunspot

    I wish you well in any resolve you can find with your Mom. JWs are not the easiest people to make sense of when they are working with their WTS-approved consciences.

    hugs,

    Annie

  • Maddie
    Maddie

    I really do hope you can keep a good relationship going with your mum. We only got one mum at the end of the day.

    Maddie

  • Gopher
    Gopher

    I had to keep a few definitions in mind as I read your post.

    Conscience = JW programming that they use to control their members

    family matter = any reason a JW can temporarily bypass WTS teachings. They, and not the family, get to determine what is a 'family matter'

    Family Matters = an American TV show where Urkel was always getting into trouble

    Jehovah = A sock puppet controlled by Governing Body members in Brooklyn, can be made to say whatever the GB is thinking at the time

    acceptance to an International Convention = a reward given to arbitrarily selected JW's who have put on an appearance of being good for long enough

    I'm glad you're able to talk to your mom in spite of what "Jehovah" is teaching her

  • coolhandluke
    coolhandluke

    agreed completely gopher. i'm just trying to be civil. i know that what she believes is bullshit and deep down so does she. she's just scared to admit it because, 'then what?'

    Rooster you freak, you don't believe in God. :D

    Sunspot, she is hard to make sense of, especially when the cognitive dissonance is at its peak

    Maddie, thanks for the support. What you said is basically why I even called her in the first place

  • Sassy
    Sassy

    I'm glad you could have an ok conversation with her.. and feel better about talking to her about how you left.

    I always get the feeling with our parents that they change their minds back and forth about what they can do with us.. Mine is talking to me now because she thinks its ok with the elders because she is having health issues.. (and they wont' be going away in this system).. I wait for the ball to drop when she says she finds out she shouldn't be..

    but in the meantime I'm glad I have a little time to talk with her.. even if it is mostly in emails.

    I hope you find an ok ground with your mom. I'm sure you both would like it.

  • coolhandluke
    coolhandluke

    i agree Sassy. I think that my mom is okay on this binge of talking to me because she realizes that I'm not going to change. I accept her and she thinks she should at least try to accept me. Whatever it is I'll ride this wave and try not to think too much about the why and just concentrate on the is. I don't envy her being in a position between her son and her God. That's gotta suck. She told me once that I wasn't going to keep her from everlasting life. I have to laugh at that now. I'm not going to let her keep me from enjoying my finite one.

  • dawg
    dawg

    Man, I could be way off base here and probably am, but you paid for her to visit, and then she made exceptions to eat with you and hang with you... which means she'll only eat with you on special occasions... and you think that's live and let live? Man, as I've said, I could be way off and probably am, but that's not living and let liveing. Living and let liveing is when you accept the person completely, without any reservations.... this sounds like the same old song and dance my family did. We love you but your not invited to family gatherings, family holidays and the like... I don't know man, I may be off base here but this is the same ole pressure based love you get from every witness. Think as I think and I'll stop treating you like an inferior. That's not live and let live to me... but that's just me.

  • coolhandluke
    coolhandluke

    and you'd be right dawg. but i'm ont her. i wont stoop to her level or let her God control me via her. i set boundaries and i'll do my best to accept her as she is. giant warts and all

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