Even though you're a JW, I don't know you so back off!

by Younglove1999 17 Replies latest jw friends

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  shopaholic

  I know exactly what you mean!!! Folks think they can automatically be your best friend and older sisters think they are your "spiritual mom" if you leave away from your family. I have hurt plenty of feelings by telling sisters in the congregation that 1) "I already have a mother" or 2) "You don't know me like that to be all up in my business". I've had several sisters tell me that they wanted to be my best friend and be "my sister". Haha...you don't tell people that...you get to know a person and see what happens. But in my opinion, its people being nosy and a lack of social skills.

  I've noticed that when you meet folks in the hall for the first time 1) they want to know if you are a pioneer (even though they are not and never have been); 2) your age (which is a very RUDE question to ask but witnesses do it all in the time in their first conversation with you. If you converse with a person for about 10 minutes you can figure out a general ball park); 3) are you married, divorced, dating, single or recently dumped. Then if you answer any of the above...they immediately dive into very personal questions...all in an attempt to "know me and be my friend" and I would tell them that they call it what they want, I call it being nosy.

  Even at work, I've never worn the JW tag on my forehead like many witnesses do. If folks that work at the same company see me at an assembly or somehow find out that I'm a witness they want to come to my office and just hang out, like being witnesses makes us automatic friends. If they run into me in the break room, they want to chat it up about the theo meeting, assembly, etc and invite me over for dinner, etc. Now before they knew I was a witness, they wouldn't speak to me because we are at very different levels in the corporate ladder...but all of a sudden they are my best friend because they found out we're both witnesses. It was very irritating. But I think word has gotten out that I don't attend the meetings anymore because now the witnesses at work avoid me like the plague. No complaints about that.
• 

  WTWizard

  All they care about is controlling your life. When I came into the Tower, my upline just about ordered me to spend Thanksgiving and Christmas with him, even though I was only studying and had only been studying a few weeks. They wanted to go through my music collection--MY music collection--and throw away anything they thought was objectionable. They wanted me to waste time in field circus, working with me so I would get it just so. When my upline moved out of the territory, he had me spend the night with him (spending that afternoon in field circus, following him at work at his apartment complex, listening to Kingdumb Sxxx, going to the book study (tiny child's chairs), sleeping about 6 hours, and more field circus. And hot dogs out of the microwave for meals.

  This person also hounds me to go to all the meetings. I started blowing off meetings in 1996, and every time I blow one off, he is there suggesting that he rig up an alarm so I can't sleep past meeting time. All the while, he was trying to impress on how important to him it was for me to be at all the meetings (as if I really gave a fxxx).

  These people that want you as "instant friends" really want you to conform to their morals. I wonder how long that "instant friendship" would last if you used their computer to order Crisis of Conscience and planted a couple of apostate Web sites on their bookmarks. Or, if you decorated their homes for Christmas in the middle of July, or brought in a Ouija board. That would show how fast those "instant friendships" are.
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  Dorktacular

  I always liked how a lot of the JWs in my area used their membership in the JW organization as an excuse to act like inconsiderate pricks. Like, no matter what stupid @#$% thing they do or say, they know you will have to automatically forgive them because if you didn't, YOU would be guilty of not showing THEM brotherly love!

  Although my brother and I have been out of the organization for some years, we still had a few friends who were JWs and they were good people. Well, one of the guys died, and we did not hesitate to go to the funeral to show this good man our respect and love for him. These "brothers" treated us like crap, even though we were very close and trusted friends of this man. We were there for the family in their time of need and helped them with the funeral arrangements. When it came time for the actual funeral, the JW elder brigade took it all over like they were in charge and wanted to control everything and have it like they wanted even down to who-parked-their-cars-where...... Seriously! Well, I don't want to give every little detail but the one that broke the camel's back was when my brother parked his vehicle and the "brothers" came out and asked him to move his vehicle because that area was reserved for "family". Well, my brother and I had already escorted the family into the funeral home, so we knew that was bullcrap. They just didn't want my brother's big ass truck parked nearby. Well, his wife just had a baby via C section, so she was sore and didn't need to be walking long distances. He explained this to the "brothers", but they kept asking him to move. My brother finally blew up at them and said "You're not my brother, and if you were, I'd kick your ass for being such an asshole!" Needless to say, they backed off! Well, we quickly payed our respects and said goodbye. We apologized to the dead brother's family for us having to leave so quickly and we left. What a way for the "Brothers" to put forth a good witness! Anyway, the brother's widow and son called to apologize and thank us for our help.

  It has always pissed me off how they call themselves your brother as their screwing you up the ass. And it seems that the bigger an asshole you are, the higher your status in the congregation.
• 

  anewme

  I too believed in the "brotherhood" among the JWs.
  
  When you get dfd you get a rude awakening about your so called friends and family.
  
  It is a shock to fully realize they view you now as scum and dead and demonized.
  
  When just the day before they only thought of you as scum.
• 

  logic

  Beware of strangers bearing gifts.. I learned many many years ago not to trust anyone that is overly friendly and tries to take control of you. I do feel for some people who are nice people that just can't be unfriendly to people. I found that saying no and meaning no will make your life easier. When someone puts that kind of pressure on you it upsets you mentally.

  In some of these cases it sounds like the so called brother, elder, etc. has other motives.
• 

  V1710

  excellent thread. when i first became a jw in the '70'a i was lonely and all the love bombing felt good. i didn't realize how conditional it was until i began counseling and started thinking for myself. when i left jw's i felt free, but very lonely. i truly developed a relationship with Christ, as I invited him to enter my heart and that has staved off the loneliness. i went to a few churches and it was difficult for me because i didn't experience the "love and friendliness" like the people at the kingdom hall. i thought about it and realized that jdubs were crossing way too many boundaries. like you said it takes time to develop closeness in a relationship.
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  LongHairGal

  I always knew their 'brotherhood' was bogus and I couldn't stand the pretense, so I didn't.

  Logic:

  You are right about being wary of those bearing gifts. People don't realize it but a con-artist type of person will sometimes initially be generous. This is a 'lure' or 'hook'. They probably realize they will get back whatever they invested.

  So, beware if all of a sudden you are in somebody's sights and are being showered with attention! Stop and think and accept invitations very carefully if at all. You will soon find out what the REAL purpose is behind your popularity with certain people. Sometimes it is just plain old friendliness but other times it is because you have something they want: possessions, special skill, etc. and this is why you are being 'romanced'.

  LHG
• 

  Pioneer Spit...oh, i mean Spirit

  Younglove1999, your best friend sounds like one of ours who lived 5 doors down from us. We were all friends at first. Same thing: our garage door would open, he walk on down. We'd pull into the drive and he'd call. We'd miss a meeting and he'd call at 10pm (when he got home) or drop in if a light was on. Near the end of him we'd have 4-5 voice messages some days from him (he thought my cel # was our home #).

  He moved way back east.