If JW Minors Confide in You ...

by compound complex 13 Replies latest watchtower beliefs

  • compound complex
    compound complex

    Greetings Friends,

    Many of us are still on good terms with JW friends and family. My particular concern revolves around being honest with minor dubbies who may confide in us regarding doubts or problems they have "acting" out the role determined by their Witness parents. I realize the need for going gently and not undermining the parent's authority. After all, some twenty plus years ago I would not have tolerated outside interference [sound spiritual guidance from older and mature ones was desirable, of course!].

    Have you any thoughts or experience in sharing your "new world" of thinking
    with JW children without crossing the line?

    Thank you,

    CoCo

  • Scully
    Scully

    Don't use the "c" word ("cult") with them. Even if they use it, don't use it yourself. They will inevitably use the word with their parents in the following context: "JWs are a cult and even Uncle CoCo thinks so too!" When that happens, the iron curtain will be raised and your access to dear young ones will be eliminated.

    Encourage them to broaden their horizons. There are books and movies that they can read or watch that will assist them to make a cognitive connection that the JWs are not a socially, mentally, or emotionally healthy group. You can offer to take them to a play, like Man of La Mancha, or buy them a copy of Orwell's 1984 or Animal Farm, or even The Red Tent by Anita Diamant. Talk to them about the oppressors (antagonists) and the freedom fighters (protagonists) in these works, and the kinds of tactics that were used to control people. Do not make mention of the JWs. Teens are bright enough to make the connection without prodding.

    Encourage them to bide their time, be respectful of their parents, and think about their future. Getting out of the JWs is going to require that they finish school, probably pursue higher education and maybe even leave the nest sooner than they were planning to do in order to make their plans come to fruition. They may need to think about getting a part-time job after school so they can save money. They may need to have a safe haven if they find themselves on the cold side of the WTS's "love". Let them know that if they find themselves in that situation, that you will help them to the best of your ability.

    I really wish I'd had someone like that when I was 16 and knew in my heart that the JWs were a cult. It would have been much harder for them to suck me back in to their vortex.

  • changeling
    changeling

    Yes, we must tread carefully here.

    I'd not bring up the subject. But if a minor JW asked me my opinion, I would give the "G" version.

    I would not give details of my experience but I would encourage them to keep their minds open. To read, learn, question. To not settle for answers that did not make sense.

    I'd encourage them to go to college and to think for themselves.

    changeling

  • changeling
    changeling

    Scully: The Red Tent, is one my all time favorite books!

    changeling

  • compound complex
    compound complex

    Thank you, Scully and Changeling:

    I like that term, "freedom fighters," Scully. And I will look into those books. Allow the young ones to draw their own conclusions - they show early on, in many cases, the direction they're heading, though still under parental constraints. There are situations familiar to me where the minor was given reasonable leeway in his thoughts and actions by JW parents and he/she became a balanced and non-hateful adult. Of course, that said "leeway" was not elder-approved. Nor did the adult child necessarily remain "in the Truth." But he/she maintained a loving relationship with the JW parents.

    Yes, Changeling, the "G" version, avoiding too many personal this-is-how-I-would-do-it details, is the better route. I'd never give the "R" version to a kid!

    Thank you again! Uncle CoCo will not use the "C" word!

    CoCo

  • compound complex
    compound complex

    BTTT -

    How about older children of JW parents who've left "the Truth"?

    Thank you,

    CoCo

  • James Free
    James Free

    I will talk with any Witness and their children. It is ESSENTIAL to use tact, and to plant seeds rather than cut down trees of belief. But apart from that, if 'crossing the line' means going against the parents and getting them to see it's not really the 'truth' I would cross it gladly.

  • Clam
    Clam

    Hi there Coco

    This is a good subject. In my extended JW family there are now just three minors, and I'd be very surprised if all of them continue in their faith. So far there's only been two defections in my family, I being one of them, the other being their aunt.

    I'm so grateful that our family has not been splintered by the WBTS policy, but this is dependent on religion being off the menu. It's, as they say on this forum, the elephant in the corner.

    I can only hope that if the aforementioned children ever feel the need for support they'd know they can rely on me, but I couldn't imagine the fallout if the JW members of my family ever thought I was fuelling the fire of doubt and apostacy. It's potentially an incredibly delicate scenario in waiting.

    For now I pray for their future. As girls in their early to mid teens I have to be concerned over matters ranging from their potential "arranged" husbands, to the possible dangers they face in child birth by transfusion refusal. My intuition telles me there's a storm on the horizon.

  • lisavegas420
    lisavegas420

    I think asking open ended questions that allow the minor to think for themselves is the best way to go. No one REALLY knows the answers to life's important questions.

    My children and grandchildren are not JW's. I left when my children were pretty young. Even now, I ask them, children (27 & 22) and grandchildren questions about their thoughts. I can only state for a fact, what I know.

    When my grandchildren ask me why they've never met my parents, brothers and sisters, I tell them what I know...what I've been taught, and what I now believe. Then ask them what do they think.

    I asked the 5 year old where she was before she was born. She told me a story about owning lots of horses in her other life. I have no idea where that came from, but it was fasinating. And who REALLY knows where she was before she was born?

    lisa

  • compound complex
    compound complex

    Plant seeds, but do not cut down trees of belief, "make a truce" with the elephant in the room, do not fuel the fires of apostacy, talk about what you do know as fact, pray for those young ones coming of age re: WT-inspired doctrine that may wreak havoc in their lives, be honest, but use tact ...

    Wonderful and ponderable thoughts - many thanks to you, James, Clam and Lisa.

    CoCo

Share this

Google+
Pinterest
Reddit