I want to live ...

by compound complex 20 Replies latest watchtower beliefs

  • compound complex
    compound complex

    It's not so much that I wanted to die; I simply did not want to live. The hope of living forever - while an impetus to my strained level of endurance of trials in "the present system of things" - frequently seemed insufficient to bolster my flagging spirit. Yet wasn't my own loving and generous earthly father, who never failed me in any respect, an example of what Jehovah Himself would do for me - even if I must wait a bit longer?

    Stop thinking of myself and consider the spiritual needs of others; find happiness and fulfillment by having "a meaningful share" in the field service. But study of the Society's publications is a prerequisite to sharing in the Watch Tower Service in said "meaningful" way. I felt inadequate ( not to mention confused ) insofar as expertly explaining the convoluted theological constructs of Brooklyn's Oracle. Would it be wrong simply to carry a Bible out in the Watch Tower Service and search out individuals who would find pleasure in hearing words of comfort from Jesus or those of the repentant David in the Psalms?

    I wanted so much to do only that but to ignore the lovingly prepared presentations of God's faithful steward was tantamount to doing things my own way. I was so conflicted that I became paralyzed by negative emotion and ceased serving Jehovah shoulder-to-shoulder with the fearless, confident and unquestioning publishers of the Kingdom.

    There was no purpose to life but to serve our Heavenly Father as understood and explained by those who look out for the interests of the now reigning King - Jesus Christ. I wanted to talk about him but if I could not present the Society-approved portrayal of the King upon his established throne, what would be the point?

    Finding comfort in family, friends and my passionate interests could not assuage my guilt-ridden soul. A servant of Jehovah finds fulfillment through study, field service and prayer. All the rest is a cheap substitute for the works of faith that promise true contentment in the now and hold promise for the life that is to come. Say that over, and over and over and you will believe it ...

    I did not want to live as - it hit me - I was not a true servant of the Almighty God who can be properly understood and explained only through his approved servant. Jesus Christ was not permitted to mediate on my behalf. My desire to serve Jehovah and help the sorrowing of this doomed world was of itself not enough if I could not work through His Channel. 'The road leading to life is narrow and I do wish to follow it ... Will I be turned off it by his ever-watchful slave?'

    To be continued ...


  • nvrgnbk

    Love you, CoCo!

    That was awesome.

    Looking forward to the rest.

  • compound complex
    compound complex

    Thank you, Never:

    I appreciate your post ... to be continued ...


  • JK666


    More, more!


    P.S. Have you thought about giving me my lowest common denominators yet?

  • Cheetos

    All these Witness catch phrases make me sick, they almost blow me over. The Witness's call it the pure language I call it poppy cock.

  • Bumble Bee
    Bumble Bee

    Patiently waiting for part two.


  • sweetstuff

    Good start CoCo, well written.

  • compound complex
    compound complex

    Thank you, Friends, for the encouragement. I do appreciate it.

    What came out was different from my initial thoughts and purpose. I was prompted by the need to express concern over a friend's depression due to the spiritual poison of the WT and hateful association of "his" JWs. What poured out was a fusion of our feelings and JW experience.

    Next: my devotion to elderly, anointed Witnesses enlarges to loyalty to the "FDS."


  • compound complex
    compound complex

    There was no doubt whatsoever in my mind. 'God is truly with you people,' I could say after time spent with Jehovah's anointed. They came to me and took me in; they showed me hospitality, they answered all my questions about God and, in effect, brought me a sense of satisfaction and contentment I never found elsewhere.

    I really attached myself to them after a college professor stated in class one day, "The god of music is a jealous god, demanding much time and devotion." That did it for me! I had given myself wholly to the muse of music for nearly 10 years already. The demands of a career in music were becoming abundantly clear to me and I was faltering. The God Jehovah, so dear and real to these elderly Christians, was promising me life in a paradise earth. There I imagined a grand piano on top of a mountain to praise Jehovah forever. The challenge of three more years college and fierce competition in the world of music was staring me sternly in the face.

    Would my growing love for these dear people, who so clearly cared for me, hold sway at this crossroads in my life? Already I wanted to spend more time with Christ's brothers and less at the keyboard ...

  • changeling

    Love it Coco! Keep it up!


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