A new car designed for Jehovah's Witnesses

by Mindchild 15 Replies latest jw friends

  • Mindchild
    Mindchild

    A concept car that is designed for and will be marketed exclusively to Jehovah’s Witnesses will be unveiled through a series of international religious assemblies in the summer of 2002.

    The car, developed secretly in conjunction with the Toyota Motor Corp and The Watchtower Bible and Tract Society in New York, is designed to optimize publisher performance in the church’s evangelical membership drive and to leave a good public impression about Jehovah’s Witnesses. Biometric sensors built into the car's steering mechanism also monitor a driver's pulse and galvanic skin response - sweat level - for signs of agitation, and play smoothing religious songs when the driver is upset.

    If the church member fails to spend at least 3 hours on the weekend in the assigned local area to engage in evangelical activity, the car's computer will issue an alert from a display on the dashboard or send a wireless message to the local headquarters. Toyota Motor Corp says the car, called Jah-Pod, can also convey the driver's religious message to other drivers or pedestrians, by using digital display panels attached to the front and rear. A church spokesman said the advertising would be aimed at encouraging good will towards Jehovah’s Witnesses and making people more receptive to individual personal visitations by church members.

    Different Jehovah’s Witness drivers identify themselves to the vehicle using a special tag attached to their personal and unique bible translation. This communicates wirelessly with the on-board computer system via a radio link to activate the engine and customize the vehicle's suspension and handling. For example, the gear settings would be altered for a heavier driver or several passengers. Another church innovation is said to be a new built in GPS system that automatically directs the driver to the assigned territory for door-to-door preaching.

    The car's wireless terminal can also be used to upload new data to Jah-Pod's onboard computer directly from Brooklyn headquarters, such as new music or a road map for a particular territory to be covered. The Jehovah’s Witnesses and Toyota are currently developing ways to allow the car's radio system to communicate with other Jah-Pod’s on the road. The research teams believe that the technology could be used to alert other Jehovah’s Witnesses to meet together for coffee and donuts at local restaurants or to automatically report time spent in the preaching work to the local body of elders.

    Following the success of Jehovah’s Witnesses ubiquitous saying “Have a Nice Day,” the engineers have been inspired to give Jah-Pod a more friendly face. Lights on the front of the car can simulate a smile in order to show people in the neighborhood that we are friendly and nice people.

    Production of the vehicles though may need to be put on hold as there is apparently much controversy over a design feature that allows the car’s computer system to spray water from the dashboard to prevent drivers and passengers from falling asleep while out in the field ministry. Unidentified spokesmen from the Toyota Motor Company claim there is much infighting in the Watchtower Society as to if they want their representatives showing up at your doorstep soaking wet or not showing up at all.

  • Moxy
    Moxy

    shouldnt the car alarm automatically sound if it detects that it is sitting at a coffee shop for longer than 15 minutes?

    mox

  • Englishman
    Englishman

    Will the new car have windscreen wipers on the inside?

    BBRRRMM! (Wipes spit of the inside of glass) BBBRRRMMM!

    Englishman

    Nostalgia isn't what it used to be....

  • RunningMan
    RunningMan

    May I suggest "new light" bulbs on the front and rear?

  • JanH
    JanH

    The car will also have a back seat where it is impossible to lie down.

    - Jan
    --
    "Doctor how can you diagnose someone with Obsessive Compulsive Disorder and then act like I had some choice about barging in here right now?" -- As Good As It Gets

  • Mindchild
    Mindchild

    Personally, if I were on the design team I would be pushing for these ten improvements:

    1. Smell neutralizer to block lethal doses of feminine hygiene products and obsessive amounts of perfume on some female publishers.
    2. Built in dog detector and ultrasonic repellant.
    3. Emergency donut supply
    4. Rear seat ejection system to push out dubs who won’t take their turn at the door.
    5. Secret onboard Internet system to use while everyone else is out going door to door.
    6. Microminiaturized voice playback systems that you would wear under your clothing to give your canned door-to-door sermon, and just lip synch to it.
    7. Built in paint ball gun to mark houses in which either apostates or demonized smurfs live
    8. Automatic magazine and publication launcher that would shoot self-adhesive publications at doors where people were snotty or where there were mean dogs.
    9. One of those up-the-skirt cams for use anytime a hot dub babe was riding in the back seat.
    10. Pop-up emergency pottie to use in case you drink too much coffee at McDonald’s

    I was just thinking though, the best innovation of all would be a automatic device that would drop small blue smurf’s from the ceiling, causing the car to be immediately evacuated so the driver could have a good and well deserved nap.

    Skipper

  • Prisca
    Prisca

    Hey Mindchild! You're funny!

    Welcome to the board.

  • Vitameatavegamin
    Vitameatavegamin

    How about a JW Bug

  • wannahelp
    wannahelp

    Awww,

    You people make Field Service sound sooo much fun that I kinda feel that I missed out in my life..

    Quick, looking in phone book for local KH #.. Maybe I'll give them a call and tell them I'm interested...

    Hey, I think there should be another thing added to the car:

    The automatic brainwashing mirror.. When you look into the mirror to fix your hair, it sends out hypnotic suggestions, such as:

    * Apostates are evil
    * Armageddon is right around the corner (Literally if you get into an accident right around the corner, at which time, the computer on board notifies Bethel that a prediction of theirs did indeed come true, and automatically update a future Watchtower article with the 'good news')

    The car also checks via advanced biometrics if the car has 2 and only 2 people in it, and they are of the opposite sex.. If so, the car automatically sprays cold water on the occupants and informs the local elders...

    There is also a rumor that a large building contractor is working with the WT to design and build JW smart houses.. These houses will have built-in features to protect the 'spiritual' cleanliness of the individual occupants. If any infractions are noted, the house notifies the local elders, but the builder and WT at a joint press conference said this was for the occupants own good..

    The nly way to shut the house up is to DF or DA yourself, at which time the house will refuse to talk to you anymore...

  • wannahelp
    wannahelp

    TOKYO, Oct. 18 — Think you don’t have enough of an emotional attachment to your car? A new vehicle developed by Japan’s Toyota Motor Corp. and electronics giant Sony Corp. will smile, frown and cry, not to mention take your pulse and measure your sweat.

    The complete article is at

    http://www.msnbc.com/news/644663.asp

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