by marmot 28 Replies latest jw experiences
Growing up sooooooo HATED has caused me trouble with making and keeping close friendships (backstabbing was quite en vogue). But that said....I have 100's of acquaintances! ( this of course only proves that I am a bad association, coupled with the fact that I married a "worldly" person)
Y
Yes, being shy and the witness baggage is a double whammy that takes considerable effort to get over.
Marmot, your situation is not unique. I have seen it so many times within the JW community.
In fact there is a Jeff Foxworthy parody that goes like this:
You might be a JW if
"If you are 25, and the only woman you have ever kissed is your mom, you might be a JW"
The above is only a joke, but it rings so true within the JW community.
Being raised a JW does tremendous damage to the psychological development of children.
It nearly made me gay, I was 23 years old before I lost my virginity. I did fool around as a kid, but after puberty, the JW religion had me so paranoid against women, that I didnt even know how to date.
My experience did damage to me, that Im only now comprehending fully.
My suggestion is to find out who you are as a person, find your own religious beliefs apart from the JW's, and then seek out someone in that area that has similar interests as you.
Dont go out and have sex just to get laid and prove you are a man.
But whatever you do, stay far away from that Kingdom Hall, it has done enough damage as it is.
There, Ted Jaracz, ARE YOU HAPPY THAT YOU HAVE RUINED PEOPLE'S CHANCES FOR HAPPINESS? I HOPE YOU HAVE A SPECIAL PLACE RESERVED FOR YOU IN HELL, ALONG WITH YOUR BROTHER ALBERT SCHROEDER, WHERE YOU TWO CAN SUFFER EVEN WORSE THAN NORMAL!
Fortunately I never complied with the JW view of dating and I got out at age 18.
I do understand you though, I have a male friend that is still a JW. He was a virgin at age 25 got married and divorced shortly after that. Married again to a "theocratic sister" she turned out to be a nut, divorced again. He's only been with 2 women his entire life and he's almost 50 years old. He's very naive, will fall for anything and it's a shame that JW's are so socially stunted that it ruins their lives. I think this is more so true for those born into the religion.
Take your time get to know yourself and for peace sake go date some women! Have some fun and drop the "immoral" crap that you've been taught. There is nothing wrong with dating, kissing and even sex!!!!! It's natural.
Good luck and hang around. You'll find much support here from those who have been where you are now.
nj
Welcome Marmot, it's astonishing that in the modern day and age there are groups that are so backward in the way they deal with something as natural as human sexuality and mess up the social and emotional development of their young members.
If dating is a skill you haven't learnt due to them you can always learn it from now on and of course one has to start from the basics and then progress to more advanced levels. Learn arithmetic and then algebra.
I guess it would depend on how much one has bought into the jw view of dating, marriage, and the separation of the sexes. I was born in and I for the most part didn't buy into it. When I got older (after one failed engagement to a brother) I didn't have much of a chance anyway since I never got baptised and wasn't marriage material (dodge that bullet) so looking for a relationship on the outside was it. It wasn't easy but I have to say that I did enjoy myself.
My brother and I where born into the cult. We where basically each others support system. We where the bad long haired witness boys. They new we were always up to something but never got busted. Funny thing is that's what the squeaky clean sisters seemed to be interested in.We were both sexually active while members of the congregation. It was a game really.
Of course we both looked at how our father rejected the "truth" he was out of the picture most of the time. Eventually the both of us were da'ed for dating worldly girls and smoking pot, cigarettes, and drinking.
As far as relationships, I'm divorced, remarried for 12 years now. Its good. My brother has been married 22years. Its good for them. Were still very close.
I would say get some counseling, seriously address the issues you bring here.
I wouldnt give this cult the satisfaction. Move on.
Yes, I do. After 34 years of being told that "worldly people" are not to be trusted, what more should I expect? When I first moved out of my parents house into my own place (at age 25), everyone told me about the sexually perverse life that I was going to lead (never happened) and sent me news clippings of single women being killed or raped. I'm not exaggerating. So its no wonder that I have a fear that if I do anything with non-witnesses that I will end up on the 10 o'clock news or as next morning headlines.
My ex wife was raised from birth and boy was she a basket case. Sure in the congregation, or at gatherings, (where she knew everyone) it was fine.
Later after a few years of marraige she quit pioneering and got a full time job. I had to teach her how to deal with "wordly" people socially and how to get to know her supervisors and managers at the local watering holes after work. No concept of the business world and it's politics. Also she had no clue how to speak with non-witness outside of service.
After we split she fell victim later on to the falicy that all wordly people have sex with as many people as they can and there are no moral reprocussions. He reputation from that stands to this day.
