Just started COC, can't stop crying

by erynw 14 Replies latest watchtower beliefs

  • erynw

    I left the WTB&TS 24 years ago after being a full time pioneer for 15 years and have never looked back. I have no family "in" and have moved very far away from the congro I left. No one here knows I used to be in this cult.

    I experienced the usual shunning from the members of the congro I went to and from surrounding congregations (the city I lived in was big and had several KHs), but it didn't last long because I moved away shortly after the "big announcement". It hurt at the time and I really thought I had no emotions locked inside of me about that time in my life.

    That was until I read these scripture in COC about shunning:

    2 Corinthians 5:
    11 Since, then, we know what it is to fear the Lord, we try to persuade men. What we are is plain to God, and I hope it is also plain to your conscience. 12 We are not trying to commend ourselves to you again, but are giving you an opportunity to take pride in us, so that you can answer those who take pride in what is seen rather than in what is in the heart.

    2 Corinthians 7:
    2 Make room for us in your hearts. We have wronged no one, we have corrupted no one, we have exploited no one. 3 I do not say this to condemn you; I have said before that you have such a place in our hearts that we would live or die with you.

    Now I'm riding a rollercoaster of emotions that I can't seem to stop.

  • Locutus of Borg
    Locutus of Borg

    I know what you are feeling. It does get better. It took decades for some of my feelings such as yours to surface before I could deal with them.

    I just had a huge surge of emotion that came flooding over me from reading OM's Clarice thread. Emotions mean you are still alive and human.

    We are here for you.

    Peace \/

  • horrible life
    horrible life

    erynw, I have been out for 30 years, but still believed until I came here. I still thought I would jump back in, when I felt like it. Are you just finding out the "truth" about the "truth"?

    If this is the case, all of your beliefs have come crashing down on your head. Not even considering the time you gave to the org, but you gave your heart and soul to it.

    There are steps to grieving. I can't remember them, somebody please help me. But, first you grieve. I am so sorry. Maybe a good night to go to bed early. Tomorrow, Tomorrow, there's always Tomorrow, it's onlyyyy a day a wayyyyy!!!

  • JK666

    Reading CoC is cathartic. Just go ahead and let out all of the pent up emotions.

    For me it was an affirmation of what I had expected was the real truth. The big shocker for me was prior to reading this, when I found out about the UN/NGO scandal. That emboldened me to buy CoC and read it. I literally could not put it down.

    Good luck in your continued reading!


  • horrible life
    horrible life


    There are several grieving processes. Death, loss, etc.... But this process seemed to fit better than the others, even though it is about divorce, the feelings feel the same.

    1. Denial

    2. Anger

    3. Bargaining

    4. Depression

    5. Acceptance

    I haven't reached the last step yet, but I keep trying.

  • Vernon Williams
    Vernon Williams

    There is a lot of "residue" that lingers post exiting and, you are dealing with some, now.

    I wish you empathy and patieince: mainly with yourself.

    It is part of the process....wish it were easier.

    Your are interacting with folks that understand and care as the posts above indicate.

    Hang tough,


  • GoingGoingGone

    I left because I discovered that the JWs were wrong. I'm not DF'd or DA's, but my lifelong friends have been avoiding me. At first, I thought that it was ok, I understood why they were doing it, etc...

    But now, I'm getting really upset about it. Nothing has changed, nothing has been said, I just suddenly have started to react to the fact that my friends are ignoring me. I feel hurt and betrayed and lied to. But I am sure it's some kind of natural progression of events in the acceptance of their behavior. Maybe? Sort of like horrible life's list?

    I don't think that bottling up the emotions associated with leaving the JWs is a good thing. I think that we need to experience them and let them run their course in order for us to be as mentally healthy as we can be.

    (((((hugs))))) to you as you deal with this. And hoping that you come out feeling much better on the other side.


  • jwfacts

    Can I ask if there is anything in particular about those two scriptures that brought out all these emotions?

  • Sarah Smiles
    Sarah Smiles

    How can you experience shunning if you moved away and no one knows that you decided to leave? Do you feel that they should make room in their hearts for you or you for them?

    I need to look up this scripture!

    You have ever right to feel hurt, please explain more to us so we can understand why these scriptures.

  • sparrow

    I haven't read it yet but I do plan to - thx for the reminder.

    I think Horrible Life is close on the steps - I went through them pretty quickly to be honest only recently after being out for 5 or so years. Not sure what the bargaining part is though but definitely anger and a touch of depression but getting to accept where I am. The good thing is after making it through I feel more normal and stable than ever before - and I don't even have the "paradise" to look forward to.

    I hope you can come through like many here have been able to. (and you too Goinggoinggone if you still are in the steps as it were)

    P.S One of my last posts mentioned my sister who has been out for 13 years and still got scared in thunderstorms because of "armageddon" !!! Fortunately I have been able to set her straight...

    PSS I still feel a little bit of No. 2 now and then

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