Were YOU Set Up To Fail?

by Sarah Smiles 20 Replies latest jw friends

  • Sarah Smiles
    Sarah Smiles

    As a child, I believed JDUBS were the only ones who had truths. We as children tried to live our lives clean without smoking, drinking, cussing, stealing and etc,. As I became an adult and associated with others, I had fallen beneath the JW cracks. Also, a mother who so stricted that she would not allow association with even some of the JDUB children.

    Now, I feel stressed out and depressed about the whole ordeal that I have sinned and failed to be a good JDUB. Something in my brain does not let it go, I still want to please God. I seemed to not be able to let go of JDUBS teachings, out of my mind. Since I have fallen short and straighten up my life style through prayer and with age, I live life like a nun still trying to please God. I know Jesus died for sinners, so why should I feel like I failed.

    Am I the only one who feels this way sorta of empty inside like there is something missing? Such as an organization that I grew up in and friends that I never had, yet wanted.

    Were we set up to fail?

  • Leolaia
  • Gopher
    Gopher

    Yes.

    The WTS sets man-made standards, and then invents fairy-tales (experiences) that supposedly show people meeting and exceeding their standards. The implication is , we should all live and die for the damn organization. I saw fake experiences, I saw hypocrisy. People are human, have failings and feelings, but they don't want to talk about that.

    In addition, the WTS keeps moving the line about what is 'acceptable' and 'expected' to be a good WItness.

    This way they induce inferiority feelings in those who try to meet standards, and hypocrisy in those who don't. This all keeps the artificial "authority" of the WTS organization going.

    So be a bit more realistic and don't blame yourself for not meeting artificial standards. The organization played mind games with us. If we did our reasonable best that should have been good enough.

  • greendawn
    greendawn

    To me the WTS is a hypocritical organisation therefore I am not at all concerned as to their standards and expectations. It's not up to them to say when and how we should please God and their words ceased to have a compelling power over me long ago.

    They have to put themselves in good order first before they start moralising with other people. And one must relate to God through love and not through fear as the FDS drives his followers to do.

  • Gopher
    Gopher

    Greendawn -- so am I to infer that only weak ex-JW's have lingering feelings based on the "followers are worthless" mentality the WTS imposed on its followers?

  • greendawn
    greendawn

    Gopher it depends what you mean by weak ex JWs do you mean those that find it difficult to get over the WTS mind conditioning and to develop a new well adjusted attitude and approach to life?

    In that case they would find the whole readjustment issue difficult. It depends how long one has been a JW and if one grew up in their environment. The longer the exposure to their influence the harder it is to deprogram.

  • flipper
    flipper

    I tend to agree with Greendawn.Gopher, I think some of us can not be affected by the witnesses looking at us as failures because we have many areas in our life that are successful and are able to help people in need without having the affirmation of a group like the witnesses. If someone is having feelings of "failing " from getting out of the witnesses the reasons they have those inadequate feelings is because of how the witnesses drilled it into us that we are always falling short.

    That is false reasoning on the witnesses part. God does not expect anyone to be perfect, Sara Smiles, me , you, anybody. So I understand what can make a person feel that way, but in time those inadequate feelings will leave the less we let the organizations mind control tactics haunt us. In other words it is about pressing on with a new life, involving ourselves with new adventures and getting away from the watchtowers control

  • bbdodger
    bbdodger

    Set up for failure, maybe... but morality is morality, and no matter how you slice it, it helps you avoid a lot of the pitfalls that cause certain people to have a real rough go of things. Keep your principles high, but know that you're doing it because you have self-worth and respect for yourself by being a moral person, and not because you're being scared into it.
    I sense a lot of guilty feelings coming from you... embrace your high standards, but try to separate them from the Cult's standards. Make them your own, and be proud.

    I know exactly how you feel. I still get a chilly feeling when someone says the "F" word, I still smoke cigs (once in a while) in a sneaky way and feel guilty for doing it, and I actually still think that if I am possessed by a demon, and yell "JEHOVAH, JEHOVAH", I will automatically be rid of the demon.

    *yeah, that was one thing I was told... sound familiar to anyone else?*

  • nvrgnbk
    nvrgnbk

    It's all an illusion, Sarah.

    And yes, it has power over us.

    We give existence to that which isn't real.

    A new way of thinking is in order.

    Very difficult to make it happen though.

    I've found the following to be helpful in coping with the feelings of worthlessness that my parents and the cult instilled in me:

    Pride and shame: Seeing that your behavior arises on its own - out of your particular biologically given traits and your particular career through life, not from a non-material controlling self - might pry you loose from excessive pride and shame. Your successes resulted from personal characteristics given to you in their entirety by nature and nurture, combined with circumstances in which you could express your talents. Likewise, your failures arose not from some weakness of will that could have been otherwise, but out of conditions which can be understood as the natural unfolding of physical and psychological processes. Anyone with the same internal and external circumstances would have done as well, or as badly. Understanding this won’t change the fact that you enjoy success and regret failure, but it may loosen the grip of ego and ease the burden of self-blame.

    Behavioral Health: Mental illness, addiction, obesity, and other behavioral disorders are too often misunderstoodas failures of will. Instead, we can understand dysfunctionalbehavior a s fully caused by the interaction of genetic and environmental factors. Thisunderstanding reduces the stigma associated with behavioral disorders, while pointingthe way toward effective treatment. Naturalism supports the development of psychotherapeuticand self-change techniques that apply a causal view of behavior . Properly presented, challenging conventional wisdom about the self and free will is apowerful means to increase life satisfaction and deepen interpersonal relationships . See Addiction and Behavioral Health.

    Social Policies: If persons are not self-made, but entirely the product of genetic and environmental conditions, this means that their virtues and faults are not a matter of will or self-chosen character. Rather, individuals are shaped by circumstances that can themselves be modified to produce people that are happier, more productive, more creative, and less needy. The myth of ultimate self-determination ( contra-causal free will) blocks the design of a more humane society by blaming persons for their shortcomings instead of understanding the conditions that create them. Likewise, this myth touts material success as the triumph of free will, so that it's thought to be justifiably restricted to those who "deserve" to succeed. Under naturalism, the allocation of resources is understood not to reflect what is deserved on the basis of self-caused virtue , but what is needed for each of us to live a desirable life . Therefore social policies will be encouraged which seek to maximize the opportunities for each person's development, independent of differences ininherited talent or social status. See the Social Justice page.

  • jaguarbass
    jaguarbass

    On the Seinfield show George Caztanza described what your talking about as baggage. Baggage from our parents. I think a lot of people have baggage witnesses or not.

    Ours is patickular to fellow Jw's but baggage from parents seems to be a fact of life.

    I've heard people raised as catholics complain abbout their catholic baggage.

    Some people are more adversely affected from hearing large amounts of bull shxt in their formative years. I know I was.

    But I see others that disregard the screwed up information and go about their life. I was going to say live successful lives. But each day above ground is successful.

    For example Axle Rose the singer from Guns and Roses. Did not allow his fathers being a baptist preacher to stop him from being a very successful Rock Star.

    How successful other areas of his life are, is very debateabel as with us all.

    I think religion is a crutch of many sorts. I can see for one, it is a crutch for parents who do not want to spend the time raising their children and explaining the world to them.

    And for many of those children that the parents couldnt or wouldnt spend the time with, religion is a crutch for them to hobble along through life on, Extracting a 10% guilt tax on all income.

Share this

Google+
Pinterest
Reddit