Hello all, I must say it is really very hard for me to know where to start. But I guess a little bit of background before I became a JW may have to be said.
I came from a disfunctional family and at the age of 3 was sent to homes, returned back to my family only later on to be sent back to other instituations, mainly due to neglect, but later on due to my running away from an abusive home.
My mother was religious, permiscuious but still religious, this turned me of religion in general but I liked and believed in the bible. I was sexually and emotionally abuse for most of my childhood.
Running away from home at a young age and trying to look after myself was difficult. I married very young for all the wrong reasons and started to study in my early twenties, that was after seeing the movie the Exocist which scared me so much, the next day a really lovely witness women called and I started to study the bible.
I progressed quickly and wanting to put everything into the JW belief, as I was an extemist. I was baptised and started pioneering not long after, my whole waking life was to witness and non stop, I was a fanatic, completely unbalanced but always encouraging, I may have appeared over the top but I made many friends and always loved the b/s.
I eventually ran out of steam and drifted away a few years after baptism, I met someone in the world through work and we married, though the society really frowned on it, we both studied together, he eventually turned against it because he couldn't cope with the restictions, so it was hard, and we sepertated because of adultry. He died a few years later.
I met someone else and we married after awhile I started to study again and became active witness, I pioneered and my life seemed rosy, my husband respected the JW's and had no objection to it, he even took me to all the meetings and allowed studies at our home.
After awhile we had problems and it involved someone else, eventually we seperated and I fell apart and couldnt cope, I left the org again and drifted into the world.
I had heaps of problems emotionally and found no comfort in the org. I found myself developing an independance on alcohol, eventually I become a recluse and live a life of solitude away from family and friends. My depression became a real life and death situation, when I was diagonosed with a depressive order and emotinal illness and got the help I needed I gradually became more stable.
I picked up my life and become functional. It was then that a family member tracked me down and asked for a bible study, I accepted and decided to give the religion another go, but coming back after so many years it really suprised me to see that things had not progressed for the better but had become far worse, the lack of love and the police mentality of the elders, made me really think.
I started to check things out on the net and found out about the NGO the child molestation cases the Malawii and Mexico fiasco, and realised that the WTS and its GB were corrupt.
I have found at this time in my life some sort of stability with my family that are still in the org, so I stay and hope that sooner than later things will become so obvious that others will see, I still believe in the doctines but dont' believe or trust the WTS or GB. I hope that I can be of help to those I love and care about still in the org when it comes crashing down. I still do have faith in Jehovah and hope that there will be a restoration of true worship in the future.