Question for Ex-Elders

by okiesooner1966 17 Replies latest jw experiences

  • okiesooner1966

    I apologize in advance if seems like I have started to many new threads, but this site no pun intended has been awakining. I could not ask for my life to be much better, but there is one problem that I have. I know it is not healthy but it is my life, I have been smoking even before I left the org. I am not disfellowshipped and it has not been a problem before . I have a five year old now that finally is aware of his surroundings, we allow him to see his Grandparents who love him very much, on nights they do not have meetings. To make a long story short he finally told them that I smoke, which I immediately denied like I did any other time I got in trouble with the elders. I am tired of keeping this from them I have been doing it for fifteen years. If I was to come clean to my Dad which is an elder, can I still be dissfellowshipped even though I have had not been at any of the meetings or associated with any other witnesses in almost twelve years?

  • faundy

    I hate to say this but you should be more concerned about your child's health than your being disfellowshipped. I'm not an elder so I guess you could say I have no right to answer your questions but you should give up for the sake of your kids, forget worrying about what the elders would do.

  • stillajwexelder

    Oh hell yes - especially with a mean body of elders

  • tula

    do you want to quit? There is a very good product that I highly recommend. It's called nico-cure. It's an herbal patch. It has worked for many people and I think the quit rate is like 97-98%. It is effortless---requires no will power. Look it up and read up on it if you're interested. You will feel better and have more energy. Also, you may not have to worry so much about setting things on fire! Or panic when you loose your lighter.

  • Uzzah

    The official party line is that for someone who has been out for a great deal of time they will not pursue things unless you are 'actively seeking out association with current JW's" If they perceive you as a threat to the well-being of the congregation, yes they will proceed with a judicial committee.

    If your family is your only JW contact, fess up but assure them that you respect them enough never to do it in their presence.

    Personal opinion, they don't need to know how long you have been smoking. It will rub their nose in it unnecessarily.

    Last personal comment, for the sake of your son, give thought to quitting.


    PS - The exception to the above is if any of the elders really disliked you and want to do a power trip on you, they will still work to df you.

  • chuckyy

    There was an JW that hadnt been to the meetings in years and his wife was still active. All of us as elders knew he smoked but it had been so long since he was active that noone seemed bothered.However, i think it largely depends on the body of elders involved

  • tijkmo

    can't speak for other ex elders or current elders....but i wouldn't have pursued it and if your parents had come to me i would have told them i wouldn't pursue it.

  • reneeisorym

    It just depends on how the elders there feel about you.

  • Open mind
    Open mind

    Yeah, Uzzah hit this on the head.

    Stilla's right too though. Are there elders from your old hall that you think might still be "gunning for you" on some personal level?

    Most likely, you'll be fine though. Just make it clear to your Dad that you're not considered a JW by most people anymore. Does he know that the elders are allowed to ignore it if over 5 years have passed since you've been active? You could present it to him in a "hypothetical" way to start off with, just to feel him out. If he says he's gonna make a big deal out of it, then just say you were "checking" to see where he stood, but you've got nothing to tell him.

    Open Mind

  • okiesooner1966

    Although my Dad is still an Elder I have not been to his hall or any other hall in this area. The state I live in now is not whre I last attended meetings so I do not believe any Elders around here would have it out for me personally unless for some reason they have a problem with my Dad. And yes I would like to quit one day, however it is not something I would like to do at this time. I do not smoke with my child in the house or car.

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