by mind my own 31 Replies latest jw friends
((((((Mind my Own)))))) Thank you for sharing your storyAs I read, I could feel your current emotional pain over it, and am so sorry that you went through all that, and are still dealing with that sick cults effects in your life
Feel a warm hug
I feel so angry for you, and angry over what that cult does to children, people, their families, their lives! So much pain has been inflicted unfairly upon so many....
As another poster said.. quoting... "Die Cult Die"
LTF
((((((MMO))))))
Thank you for sharing your story. Some things you mentioned I could totally relate to, and are all too common growing up as JW.
BB
I'm just glad you are out now.
Anyhow, I was barely 12 years old when this particular study took place. It started with her attacking me saying, "you don't want to get baptised!". What? I hadn't really thought about it much to that point b/c I was just a kid and in no way was I ready. However, this wasn't going to be an easy discussion. She ranted and raved and the discussion deteriorated to the point where she and my dad actually said I would be kicked out of the house if I didn't take considering the step of baptism (and soon) very seriously. Well, nothing strikes fear into a kid than not having a place to live so voila, I suddenly determined I was ready to get baptised!
So much for the personal dedication part of baptism. What kind of parent even intimates that a twelve year old might be kicked out of the house? No wonder most JWs have self-esteem problems.
In the end it seems that you are not df'd, just innactive. Where does that justify shunning you? Have you asked mom to show you that in print? Or is it because you intend to marry in a church and they consider that apostate?
At any rate, please know that you have worth as an individual and we hope that you gain some healing by telling your story. My heart aches for you and others who have undergone horrible pressure as a child to get baptised.
It makes me feel so angry and depressed to hear what you went through. I am so sorry for your troubles. I am really relieved to see that you are moving on, though! Good for you!
argh. another duplicate post.
Hi MMO. I'm glad you made it out intact and have apparently found a good man to share your life with. It gets better from now on.
Welcome mind my own
Thanks for sharing your story, condensed though it may be.
Thank you all for your very encouraging words, it is so nice to know I am not alone in my feelings, so thanks!!
To answer some of your questions, I was not ever DF'd as I just fell away and by the time I started doing anything that was questionable, no one knew me as a JDub so I am currently considered innactive.
My Dad. He passed away and after that our whole family went downhill as he was the glue that had kept us together b/c my mom is/was so crazy. I was always close with my brothers as I was their protector and alot of the whole families financial support when my dad died.
My mom broke the news to me of not attending my wedding over the phone. I was not getting married in a church, that wasn't the issue. The elders told her she was condoning my lifestyle by talking to me and accepting me so they put an end to that. Funny though - when she remarried not to long ago, I was instramental in helping her with her wedding and no one seemed to have a problem with that. I did mention this to her and she said it was talked about but "she just couldn't handle it then". So basically, once her life is great again and she no longer needs me, then she decides to apply their councel. Don't even get me started!!
I actually don't care if I never talk to my mom again b/c she is extremely abusive and unstable. I hate her over my childhood. It was honestly so bad that I refuse to have children to this day b/c I am scared I wouldn't be a good mom. I am SO upset by this b/c of how it was handled!! And, she is the biggest hypocrite!! She is a raging alcoholic and was seeing a worldly guy when she was single. I told her that she was a hypocrite on "the" phone call and told her why. I asked her if she told her elders any of this and she said she "mentioned" it to them. I really doubt that very much. I bet if I told them what I know, they would have a much different version!! She's a regular pioneer and all she bragged about is how much everyone looks up to her and buys her stuff. Gross. I only maintained a relationship with my mom b/c I knew she needed me more than I needed her and I really always was hoping for a normal relationship with her. After all, she is the only parent I have left.
Thanks for helping me guys, I really appreciate all of you!
MMO
It was honestly so bad that I refuse to have children to this day b/c I am scared I wouldn't be a good mom.
Think about this statement some more. We should all learn from our experiences. It seems that you have learned much from yours. I'll bet that you would be the kind of mother that would realize the value of love and attention for children.
Don't let the mistakes of others determine your life or future happiness. We all have choices. You can choose to be the kind of person who can be a good parent.
