What would you do?

by PEC 22 Replies latest social family

  • Warlock


    You already know what to do.

    NIKE (just do it).


  • nvrgnbk

    What Warlock said.

  • RollerDave

    I'd see 'em.

    Like you said, nothing to lose.

    I know how it is when you only hear from someone when they want something, my lil sister SRLB comes to mind.

    I guess if she wanted a meeting I'd go, but like you I'd make sure the BS detector had fresh batteries and walk if there were unwelcome extra yoyos.

    Yeah, it's what I'd do.


  • PEC

    Thanks, Warlock, nvrgnbk and RollerDave.


  • monophonic

    i'm not a fan of people who sponge, but sometimes it's cool to ask for help....i wouldn't ask from someone i hadn't seen in years, but that's me personally.

    and i work in an industry where i kind of have to always ask for seemingly unattainable things and they usually magically happen..so i have a no harm in asking philosophy as well as a no harm in saying 'no', and leaving it at that...on both ends...if someone says 'no' to me for a request, there's never hard feelings from my end and i usually assume they have circumstances i'm not aware of and their own reasons.

  • truthsearcher

    Sometimes weddings/marriages can bring estranged family members back together. Something about fresh starts, love is in the air, new blood, etc.

    This happened when we were married--there had been a fight among in the inlaws family about an anniversary party, and brothers and sisters hadn't spoken to each other since then. Our pre-wedding festivities (showers, etc.) were the first time they had been together in years. It was important to me to get to know my new family, so I included everyone. They decided to bury the hatchet and start acting like normal human beings again.

    Perhaps the fiancee is thinking along the same lines. I believe in forgiveness and second chances. How about you?

  • kerj2leev
    just my 2cents

    Eclipse, you trying to be funny!

  • bigdreaux

    sassy and eclipse are right. i would at least attempt to see them. missanna was a huge inspiration for me. i changed alot after i met her. maybe this girl is having the same positive influence in his life. if he has seen the error of his ways, you kicking him to the curb, may but him back into his old mind set.

    i say, go meet them, do not give them money, and establish boundaries for contact. if he truly wants a real relationship with you, awesome. if he is there for some ulterior motive, kick him in the nuts.

  • OnTheWayOut

    You have already had good advice here about giving them the benefit of the doubt
    before assuming the worst, but allowing them to bring up the subject if they are
    just after money.

    Even if Barbie Doll wanted to help them with money, make them commit to a regular
    thing before dishing it out. Before the 1st visit is over, and they did not ask for money,
    (I have a relative who is good at not asking for awhile, but the whole time was setting it
    up) tell them you want to see them again soon. Offer nothing but hospitality. Picking
    up a check or making a meal isn't what they are after.

    Even if the ultimate decision was to help out, don't do it with a handout. If they say,
    "We are behind on our XXX bill," say "Let me see the XXX bill and maybe I can help pay
    it." Send the money to the collector, not the family member.

  • TheSilence

    Remember that family can often be more important to girls than to guys. Perhaps her motives are pure... you don't know it's not true, so why start out with suspicion?

    When my guy's uncle passed away I made a point to send flowers to the funeral. My guy warned me that his aunt may interperet as me wanting to get into her good graces to get her money. My feeling on the matter was that sending flowers was the right and respectful thing to do... and if she had an issue with it it was her issue, not mine. I was only trying to be nice and offer support during a difficult time.

    My point is, don't let it be your issue. Assume the best and perhaps you will find a wonderful connection that you would otherwise have missed. If they prove to have ill intentions, then at least you know you gave them every opportunity and will only regret their behavior, not yours.

    My thoughts,


Share this