Do you feel out of place, a "misfit", since leaving the org? (page 4)

journey-on

Yep. I do, but it's not debilitating. I've come to accept myself the way I am. I try to change things I don't like about myself and I have managed to change some things, but others are just there to stay.

Being raised a JW, you are always going to draw on those childhood experiences. We learned to withdraw, suck up the feeling of being different, put on a "happy" face to show the world that "we are God's organization of the happiest people in the world." We were different, we were misfits, we were a study in dichotomy.

To some extent, we have to accept that that's part of who we are today. That's why finding JWD is like finding your tribe of kinsmen. WE ALL FIT IN HERE. We're all very different but the same. DOES THAT MAKE SENSE? As time goes by, you learn to assimilate and accomodate and the feeling of being a misfit diminishes, but I don't think it ever fully goes away. You always feel just a little bit different for having been in a mind-controlling suppressive repressive oppressive CULT.

SWALKER

I think that you will find that many people feel the same way that weren't JW's. I hear it a lot from people of all backgrounds...so I don't think it's all that unusual to hear it said on this forum. We all have baggage from our childhoods, religion, etc...we just have to face up to, accept responsibility for, and change ourselves for the better. (I went to a therapist for about 3 years in my 30's---can you tell???) A person has to find out why they are feeling the way they are and then seek ways to change those feelings. It may require a lot of effort, but it's well worth it in the long run.

I had issues with low self-esteem and realized that it was pounded into our heads at the meetings at every opportunity. I soon learned techniques that enabled me to turn these remarks into positives for myself. I hadn't realized how much harm listening and BELIEVING some person's warped interpretation of scriptures had done to me. It was such a relief to get that monkey off my back!!!

Swalker

changeling

I feel more like my true self everyday. I have no regrets and no "nasty side effects" from fading.

changeling

White Dove

Yes, I felt un-anchored for a terrible amount of time after quitting. I tried a couple of other churches but found that Christianity is way too bossy and $$$ loving all around, so left that, too. Just found paganism and am now truly in love with it. I feel like I belong to the earth and nature and that I can love and take care of myself and not have bossy people telling me how I must live my life to "get saved" or "live forever." I'm healed! Never thought I would ever say that. Life is beautiful!

forsharry

I'm a misfit now. Sure I have moments of clarity if you will that everything around me is so real and right if that makes sense....but I don't know if I'll ever excise the programming and loss of what could have been from my psyche.

All I can keep doing is fighting. That's all there is for me anyway...fight or die.

Sorta melodramatic, I know...but it comes down to truly simple, basic decisions in the end. This damnable religion took away my childhood and so many possibilities in my life, left me with a damaged coping system which I'm still trying to rewire and the feeling that sometimes I don't even belong to the human race because of the lack of common learning that most of the population that I interact with has gone through....absolutely I'm a misfit.

willyloman

Now, in my early 50's, I have had to invent who I am, what I stand for, and learn to develop as a human being.

I can relate to that. However, I'm fairly outgoing and extroverted, so I push ahead making new friends, developing new interests, and I don't feel like a total misfit. I mean, I have come to realize everybody feels like a misfit to some extent! But I've been quick to heal. I think, at least for me, it's about how much work, how much effort you put forth to expand your horizons.

Also: I agree with the poster who said "I felt like a misfit when I was in." I think every dub feels that way, which is why they hold so many meetings and pile so many obligations on themselves. The more dubs associate with each other, the less time they have to feel like outsiders - and at the same time, the more they are indoctrinated to reinforce the thinking that "being on the outside" is a good thing.

BFD

Honey, I don't even feel like I fit in here. In fact, my first screen name was deemed inapprropraite and removed. I didn't fit in here from the get go. I'm glad y'all ~~have~~ put up with me anyway.

BFD

Dragonlady76

I felt like a misfit in the borg and now I feel normal, so it was the otherway around for me.

LearningToFly

I totally felt like that after leaving... didn't quite fit in anywhere. Now I fit in anywhere.. but haven't quite figured out where I belong yet.

My daughter teasingly tells me I was such a nerd.. I tell her it was a case of extreme conformity.

flipper

Freedom, I know how you feel, I felt a little misplaced I would say at first, but after 4 years I feel life is more and more fullfilling every day. It takes time developing your talents that were stunted in the witnesses. Now you have time to pursue upbeat interests and learn so much more about life. It takes a different amount of time for different people though, we are all different. Hang in there! Peace out, Mr. Flipper

Do you feel out of place, a "misfit", since leaving the org?

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