Your favorite bits of JW folklore (page 4)

exwitless

True, true bigd. This is exactly why I hate when people say things like "God was really looking out for me." after they were in a horrible accident, in a coma for 9 months, lost a leg, etc. But at least they didn't die, so god must have been looking out for them. If he was, why didn't he prevent the freaking accident from happening!!!

I also hate it when celebrities, especially musicians, thank their "lord Jesus Christ" (eyes raised upwards) when they get a music award. Why in the heck would Jesus (going along with the assumption that he even exists) care if some rap-crap artist got an award, when he, as bigdreaux said, allowed people to die in concentration camps, get raped, starve to death, etc.? Stupid, stupid, stupid...

bigdreaux

yeah, and how come sports guys never say, "yeah, we were in the game............until jesus made me fumble"

horrible life

how about "crystal blue persuasion?" JW mythology at its best.

I heard this. In about 1977. I still think about it, everytime I hear the song.

horrible life

I heard that while trying to take a "bad" object out of the house, that an invisible force kept you from going out the door with it.

WTWizard

I heard that one about the money shortage. The check always was for the exact amount that the person needed at that time. Why so cheap? Because Jehovah was more interested in making a name for Himself. If the person was short $100 and received that amount, it would make Jehovah look better than had it been for something like $1,000 or more. If Jehovah would have supplied much more than the amount needed, it would have blown the whole illusion since the person would likely start crediting something else and Jehovah would have not gotten the praise for it. What it might have done was to allow that person to work in the misery longer without worrying about the money, since there would be an extra $900 to go toward next month's expenses.

BUSTED!

WTWizard

This is exactly why I hate when people say things like "God was really looking out for me." after they were in a horrible accident, in a coma for 9 months, lost a leg, etc. But at least they didn't die, so god must have been looking out for them. If he was, why didn't he prevent the freaking accident from happening!!!

I know why God wouldn't prevent the accident in the first place. That would have resulted in less praise to Himself. If God prevents trouble, then He will not be noticed for the act. However, if He causes or allows the trouble and then mitigates it partially, He is more likely to receive praise.

And, if God gave people needed things before there was a crisis, then He would be less likely to receive the praise even though the recipient would be less likely to be damaged by its not coming or its being too late. God is more worried about what He can get out of the situation than about people's welfare. A little less praise now, a lot fewer critical petitions later, a lot less leverage to extort concessions out of the person. Anyone who tells me that God is infinitely good is going to have one miserable time trying to prove it.

DannyHaszard

The Watchtower cult's ego is so conceited and profoundly arrogant that we were taught that the only reason there is petroleum deposits in the ground (put there by Jehovah) made commercially viable in the late 1800's.Was so,get this...Jehovah's Witnesses would have the invention of the automobile with the oil for fuel so they could drive door to door.
MORE! I have read in numerous WT publications and heard in dozens of talks at the Kingdom Halls that the ONLY reason there was a WW1 was because "Satan instigated WW1 so that he could get at the faithful anointed of JW's" you know drunken Watchtower leader Joseph Rutherford and his buds.

That's right all the millions of men women and children who perished in WW1 was just a little collateral damage the real news was the oppression of a handful of Jehovah's Witnesses on the corporate board of the Watchtower.

MORE yet, Satan didn't succeed with destroying JW's in WW1 so he started WW2 again for the same reason to whip up persecution against JW's by way of war hysteria to try to "get them" 55 million human beings die and it's all just collateral damage because Heaven and Earth revolve around Jehovah's Witnesses and the Watchtower.

bluesbreaker59

What I always found humorous is that most of these stories I found were told by CO's on their "visits". I heard the one about dogs, attacking and being "stopped by some mysterious force" when out in service (though my dad got bit when I was a little boy), I heard the one about the two sisters in service with the angels behind them too.

Of course though the oldest "chesnut" in the book still seems to be this one:

Some man was sitting in his living room ready to kill himself, but said a prayer to god first, to direct some of his servants to his door to help him with his life. Sure enough two dubs were walking down the street and knocked on his door.

My grandma was paranoid as hell growing up, we couldn't have smurfs, or GI Joes, we also couldn't watch movies like Gremlins, etc. Also she "knew" what all the band names meant, like KISS, AC/DC (Anti Christ Devil's Children), ZZ Top (rolling papers). The only music that wasn't picked on was country and pop, which USUALLY had as much or MORE immoral lyrics than the hard rock or Southern Rock that I listened to. The Black Crowes were totally forbidden because of the song "She Talks to Angels", and their "dark" videos, Madonna was forbidden because she was a "harlot".

All these just make me snicker now.

oompa

I like the evil man on a moving train that snatched a truth book from a JW and said "no one is ever gonna use this book" and threw it out the window. Of course it hit a hobo in the head who was about to kill himself, and he "came into the truth".

still dazed....oompa

katiekitten

My version was "Knights in Satan's Service" for KISS.

How weird, I was thinking about this only the other day. Isnt it true then? (sorry to ask such a dumb question!) My favourite bit of folk lore was the poineer in australia who poked a tract into a crack in a wooden fence post in the middle of nowhere, and some farmer comes along, retreives the tract and becomes a JW. I thought "does this mean I can get all my time in by shoving tracts up dogs bottoms and stuff, instead of having to knock doors?"

Your favorite bits of JW folklore

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