I desperately need some advice

by Redbeard 18 Replies latest jw experiences

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  exwitless

  It's not possible for anyone here to tell you what you should do, because we aren't living your life or walking in your shoes. For some disassociating is the way to go (that would be true for me) because you can make a clean cut and not worry about hiding things or looking over your shoulder. For others, they can't DA because of strong family ties, etc. So they have to "fade". Neither is easy, and neither choice is better than the other.

  My guess is the answer for you will make itself clear in time. Ride things out for awhile. When you get to the point of needing to make a decision, you'll know.

  By the way, I'm wondering how many of your JW friends idolize you in a way because they'd give anything to break free like you are. Are you able to talk candidly with any of them about your feelings?
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  greendawn

  Welcome Redbeard, my impression is that you dislike the JW organisation so much that it makes no sense to stay there. It's your decision, moving out will mean losing friends and family but you can make new ones outside the JW community.
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  Madame Quixote

  "Which road should I take?" If you're an adult, you should always take the harder road.
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  reneeisorym

  Take the smart road. The one that's not the easiest but the one that will give you what you want long term.

  I can just tell you what I chose and that I'm happy with my decision. But your decision is all yours and its for you to live with. I am 25 and left the org at 23. It was the best decision I ever made. I learned that new friends could be found. I learned that there were people who would love me like family. It hurt for almost a year that I lost my family but here a year and a half later, I'm doing great and have a new life. You've got a head start that I didn't have n making a new life. I hope you do what's best for you.
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  Country Girl

  When the cognitive gap causes each of your eyes to go to the opposite sides of your head. When your mind makes the decision that you can't live a lie, you will be more comfortable with your chosen path. Good luck!

  CG
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  Redbeard

  I sincerely thank you all for your comments and the amount of time you dedicated. I wish you all the best. Redbeard :-)
• 

  unique1

  Sounds to me like you have faded quite well. I would stay like you are for now, while building up another set of friends outside the JW's. You will need them if you ever do enter the political arena. Look at the Williams sisters. They play tennis in Davis cup for their country which is a no no. They wear scandelous outfits. They are still in good standing. It is possible this would happen to you as well it is also possible it would not. Either way you will need friends to rely on that won't shun you. Build this up first before making any other decisions.

  WELCOME TO THE BOARD!!
• 

  PEC

  Welcome to JWD, Redbeard.

  IMHO, if you go back you will end up DFed, no matter what you choose, you need to expand you friendships outside the org.

  Philip
• 

  katiekitten

  I found the hardest thing was not having all those friends on tap, and it is hard making new friends once you have no 'group' to identify with. Its possible that you will make a new set of friends through your girlfriend though. Ones who wont drop you like a hot potato as soon as you decide you dont believe exactly the same things as they do.

  Regarding family, its amazing how 'blind' they can choose to be as long as you dont rub their noses right into your new fun sins! My friend has a very strict family (brother in law is an elder, sister is a pioneer) and she was convinced that they would cut her off when she got a relationship with a non JW man (even though she had left JWness years ago). But actually while she was just going out with him they just pretended like it was platonic or something.

  Then she decided she wanted to be with him properly but felt that she had to marry him or else the family would cut her off. She agonised over it, because her man didnt want to get married (it would have been his 3rd time). Anyway, eventually she moved him into her house and amazingly the family gave a little frown, stated they couldnt stop overnight at her house (which was impossible anyway as it was as 1bed house) and continued to associate with her!

  As regards losing friends who are JW's, well you might but then again you might not. I was one of the JW friends who never actually broke friendship when all my friends were leaving and doing really great fun things like lying in on Saturday morning, and having sex! Eventually after another 16 years I left too and we have all remained friends. On the other hand if they cut you off, sod 'em, they werent really proper friends. And then again, years down the line they might leave and you might get em back. Its taken 20 years but virtually ALL of my JW friends that I had when I was an early teenager have left, and we are all back in contact as non Witnesses.

  Good luck with whatever you decide, but if you fade gracefully without bad mouthing the religion it may turn out to be a LOT LESS bad than you think. I just pretended I had depression, everyone felt sorry for me, and I got to leave without too much fuss at all.