Share a joke/Say something funny/Be Stupid thread

by KW13 24 Replies latest jw friends

  • KW13
    KW13

    Someone posted this on my site...thought it was funny.

    In 1986, Mike Hogan was on holiday in Kenya after graduating from
    Northwestern University. On a hike through the bush, he came across a
    young bull elephant standing with one leg raised in the air. The
    elephant seemed distressed, so Mike approached it very carefully. He
    got down on one knee and inspected the elephant's foot and found a
    large piece of wood deeply embedded in it.

    As carefully and as gently as he could, Mike worked the wood out with
    his hunting knife, after which the elephant gingerly put down its foot.

    The elephant turned to face the man, and with a rather curious look on
    its face, stared at him for several tense moments. Mike stood frozen,
    thinking of nothing else but being trampled. Eventually the elephant
    trumpeted loudly, turned, and walked away.

    Mike never forgot that elephant or the events of that day.

    Twenty years later, Mike was walking through the Chicago Zoo with his
    teenaged son. As they approached the elephant enclosure, one of the
    creatures turned and walked over to near where Mike and his son Owen
    were standing. The large bull elephant stared at Mike, lifted its front
    foot off the ground, then put it down. The elephant did that several
    times then trumpeted loudly, all the while staring at the man.

    Remembering the encounter in 1986, Mike couldn't help wondering if this
    was the same elephant.

    Mike summoned up his courage, climbed over the railing and made his way
    into the enclosure. He walked right up to the elephant and stared back
    in wonder. The elephant trumpeted again, wrapped its trunk around one of
    Mike's legs and slammed him against the railing, killing him instantly.

    Probably wasn't the same elephant.

  • Gretchen956
    Gretchen956

    A man had to attend a large convention in Chicago. On this particular trip he decided to bring his wife. When they arrived at their hotel and were shown to their room, the man said: "You rest here while I register - I'll be back within an hour."

    The wife lies down on the bed... just then, an elevated train passes by very close to the window and shakes the room so hard she's thrown out of the bed. Thinking this must be a freak occurrence, she lies down once more. Again a train shakes the room so violently, she's pitched to the floor.

    Exasperated, she calls the front desk, asks for the manager. The manager says he'll be right up. The manager (naturally) is sceptical but the wife insists the story is true. "Look,... lie here on the bed - you'll be thrown right to the floor!"

    So he lies down next to the wife... Just then the husband walks in. "What," he says, "are you doing here?"
    The manager replies: "Would you believe I'm waiting for a train?"

  • KW13
    KW13

    haha very good

    Already shared this before but its just brilliant...

    http://youtube.com/watch?v=MAcc8CPhlO4

  • brinjen
    brinjen

    Two blondes on a flight from Adelaide to Darwin

    The plane has taken off as normal, everything is going well until they hear a sudden bang. They look out the window and see smoke pouring out of one of the engines. Just then, an announcement is made over the PA

    "Ladies and gentlement, this is your captain speaking. We've experienced unexpected failure with one of our engines. Not to worry though, we still have three left. We will arrive at our destination 30 minutes late. That is all"

    The blondes look at each other, shug it off and continue chatting.

    A little while later, they hear another bang, look out the opposite window to see smoke pouring out of another engine. Again, there is an announcement on the PA.

    "Ladies and gentlemen, this is your captain again. We seem to have lost a second engine. We still have two left. We will, however, be arriving at our destination one hour late now. We apologise for the inconvenience."

    Again, the blondes look at each other, shug it off and continue chatting.

    A while passes before they hear a third bang, they look out the window to see yet another engine smoking. Yet again, there is an announcement on the PA.

    "Ladies and gentlemen, this is your captain again. We regret to inform you we have lost our third engine. Not to worry, our last one will get us to our destination safely. Unfortunately, this will put us one and a half hours behind schedule. We apologise for any inconvenience this may have caused you and we thank you for flying with Dodgy Airways today."

    By now the blondes are getting quite anxious. They just sit and stare each other for several minutes. One of them finally says

    "What if that last engine fails?"

    "Don't say that", says the other. "We'll be stuck up here all day!"

  • changeling
    changeling

    I once saw a bumpersticker that read: "You're ugly and your mother dresses you funny".

    changeling

  • ButtLight
    ButtLight

    This has to be one of the best singles ads ever printed. It is reported to have been listed in the Atlanta Journal. SINGLE BLACK FEMALE seeks male companionship, ethnicity unimportant. I'm a very good girl who LOVES to play. I love long walks in the woods, riding in your pickup truck, hunting, camping and fishing trips, cozy winter nights lying by the fire. Candlelight dinners will have me eating out of your hand. I'll be at the front door when you get home from work wearing only what nature gave me. Call (404) 875-6420 and ask for Daisy, I'll be waiting....

  • KW13
    KW13

    some funny stuff! btw cute dog

  • Hortensia
    Hortensia

    can't think of anything funny except that yesterday on her show Rachel Ray said she had been a "native New Yorker for a few years." Made me laugh!

  • TIMBOB
    TIMBOB

    Did you hear about the 120 pound guy with 60 pound testicles?

    Yea, people say he was half nuts.

  • kitten whiskers
    kitten whiskers

    Did you hear the one about the dyslexic, agnostic, insomniac?

    He stayed up all night wondering if there really was a dog.

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