Not allowed to sleep over - is that weird?

by collegegirl21 75 Replies latest social relationships

  • collegegirl21
    collegegirl21

    Okay, so my guy and I have been together for 10 months and we usually are ok together. But there is something that has been getting to me and I think its unusual, but please correct me if I'm wrong - he won't let me sleep over at his house. And he hardly ever stays at my house, he's maybe stayed here 3 times in our whole relationship. And I'm not talking about sleeping over until the morning, I'm talking about like waking up at 5am and then leaving.

    He says that once I stop being so insecure he'll let me sleep over and I say that once he lets me sleep over I'll stop being so insecure and so then he said, "So if I give you your way, you won't be insecure anymore?" And I told him that's right.

    So he proceeds to say, "If a kid is crying for a toy, you're just going to give it to them?" Then I just told him I had to go (cause we were on the phone talking and I was thoroughly irritated with him). Am I wrong for wanting to spend the night? I've been patient and I've compromised what I've wanted for 10 months, how come he can't compromise with me? And I don't want to spend the night every night, just on the weekends when I'm not working. Can someone please give me some sort of light as to what to do or should I just be patient? Is there something that I'm not seeing?

  • looking_glass
    looking_glass

    I agree College. It does seem odd to me, I would also wonder if something was up. And I don't think that makes you insecure.

  • misanthropic
    misanthropic

    Yeah that is weird. Is he like that about only sleeping over or is it sex altogether? Is he from a religious family?

  • penny2
    penny2

    Is it OK for you to drop in unannounced at his house?

    I'm thinking you might not be the only girlfriend.

  • collegegirl21
    collegegirl21

    Lol, religious no! His family (other than him oddly) is the epitome of a Jerry Springer show. Sometimes I think its because he's a germiphobe (he carries listerine and hand sanitizer wherever we go) but when it comes to sex or us going places and sleeping together overnight when we have stayed in hotels, he's fine. That's why I'm trying to get the opinions of others because this is a nonstop fight that I've been battling with him and it just ends in us not talking for a while.

  • collegegirl21
    collegegirl21

    I thought the same think you thought Penny, but I don't understand how he would pull that off. I do stop by unannounced sometimes and no one is there and I hate to admit this but I've also done a drive by a time or two and I've never seen another car or signs that someone would be in his house with him.

    This has been driving me crazy since day 1. And I just don't know what to make of it.

  • misanthropic
    misanthropic

    OK I just thought of something. Maybe he feels like if you sleep over it will be like you guys living together and maybe that freaks him out or something.
    But maybe he might be a germ phobic... although I'd think he would weird out after sex and jump in the shower for like an hour afterwords and be strange about kissing too.

  • fedorE
    fedorE

    No choice u gotta go to his place unexpectantly. Bring muffins.

  • collegegirl21
    collegegirl21

    Misanthropic - he does jump into the shower right after we have sex and he uses listerine right after we kiss or have sex or whatever. It has gotten a lot worse in the past few months, I think the reason I am insecure is because I think its me.

    And I think you're also right about the fear of having it feel like I live there, I guess his ex pretty much tried that, but he knows that's not what I want. I need my time and I am paying for me to live in an apt, I don't want to spend all my time at his house and he knows that. I just want to feel the closeness of falling asleep next to him and waking up next to him, I miss that feeling.

    Should I just give it time? I'm not real sure what I'm suppose to do.

  • journey-on
    journey-on

    Maybe he's just not ready to take it to a new level and for some reason associates your sleeping over with that new level. It's strange. Maybe you should read: He's Just Not That Into You: The No-Excuses Truth to Understanding Guys (Hardcover) by Greg Behrendt I haven't read it, but I've heard it discussed a lot.

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