Let's make JW-friendly greeting cards...

by exwitless 18 Replies latest social humour

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  exwitless

  Did you ever think about the fact that when you were a dub, it was pointless to buy a box of all occasion greeting cards? It annoyed the heck out of me, because you couldn't use the ones for birthdays or most of the sympathy cards (because they often said "Lord" or "God" in them).

  So what would a box of JW greeting cards contain?

  Sympathy: "In this most difficult time, may you find comfort in knowing that your mother is just simply dead. She knows nothing, sees nothing, hears nothing. And who knows? Jehovah might ressurect her after Armageddon."

  Thinking of You: "Just a word to let you know we've been missing you - at the meetings. In fact, we've missed you at 17 out of the last 23 meetings."

  Invitation: "You are cordially invited to a JUDICIAL COMMITTEE meeting!! When: 7:00 p.m. Monday, August 6th. Where: Kingdom Hall Library. (Please, no recording devices.)

  You guys are much better than I am at making funnies. Any other greeting card ideas?
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  kitten whiskers

  exwitless,
  
  That is hilarious! I so remember feeling that way. There would be the cutest cards, but by the time you figured the price after throwing away the ones forbidden, it was ridiculous!
  
  I love the ones you came up with. I think you are very funny! Don't sell yourself short, you are very witty! I can't think of anything myself right now, I have 4 kids running around the house and can't hardly think to type straight! Oh I got one:
  
  For the one accepted to Bethel: Congratulations on your new job! Isn't it great to move down several tax brackets?
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  outnfree

  On Your High School Graduation: Congratulations! Now that your studies are done with, you can have a nice career cleaning the school you just left, so you have time for studies! ;)
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  Little Drummer Boy

  LOL at my wifey.
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  Finally-Free
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  poppers

  Very clever. I hope to see more contributions on this from the very creative people here.
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  BFD

  I have not done this for a long time but, I used to call my mom every year on her birthday and say in my game show announcer voice,

  "Oh, Happy Day!' She always got a kick out of it.

  BFD
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  MeneMene

  A young lady I know recently got married and also accepted to Bethel to live with her new husband (he was already working there). I was looking for a card for her and this one just seemed so perfect for her new career since they are to be the only survivors of the Big A:

  CONGRATULATIONS on your NEW JOB!

  (Inside) - This puts you one step closer in your plan for world domination, doesn't it?

  - - -

  I haven't heard yet what job she was given when she got to her new home. I just can't see her cleaning toilets.
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  compound complex

  ExW - EXCELLENT! You are too funny!

  1) So sorry to hear that you have been ill! Please, be warm
  and well fed. We look forward to seeing you back at the
  Kingdom Hall after your heart-transplant, which is now
  allowed by the Governing Body. God bless them! Oh,
  you too.

  2) Jesus said to show hospitality to those unable to repay,
  and everyone knows that you pioneers are poor as dirt.
  We really want to have you over, but the Circuit
  Overseer and his wife are here this week. After we take
  them to La Grenouille for dinner and Harold gets his
  elder's appointment, we will have you over for coffee.

  3) Come over to our house for dinner! Please bring a hot dish,
  a salad, a dessert and your own place settings. We will
  provide the drinks and a place to sit! Can't wait to see you!

  4) You are cordially invited to your very own Salem Warlock Trial!
  Where? Your former Kingdom Hall! Why? Because someone
  who wishes to remain anonymous - and we will back her on
  this - saw you walk into the library and use a Bible dictionary.
  Though you are already dead in God's eyes, we still insist
  that you show up at the appointed time because your spirit-
  appointed watchdogs love seeing a grown man cry.
  Have a nice day!

  CoCo
  
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  exwitless

  Come over to our house for dinner! Please bring a hot dish,
  a salad, a dessert and your own place settings. We will
  provide the drinks and a place to sit! Can't wait to see you!

  CoCo - this is so funny and so true to life!!!