I think I owe the board an apology

by LaniB 24 Replies latest jw friends

  • LaniB
    LaniB

    Yes it's past midnight and I'm getting melancholy and starting to rehash my life of late. Melancholy yes, but I haven't hit the bottle yet so its not alcoholly.

    Seriously though, I thought I'd offer an apology. I feel like I've come to the board, which has been very welcoming, and been more concerned with me, myself and I then helping out others and I'd like to apologise for that. I wonder sometimes if it's because I was in the borg so long and trying to please everyone else that now I am free I'm very self involved, which is an idea that is rather repugnent to me. I tend to be very anti-watchtower but feel that maybe I am more joining threads and adding my story to someone elses. Does that make sense?

    I do appreciate the help I've been given and I will try to post more correctly, well what i mean by correctly is not ranting on about my life as the only form of posting I do.

    In a weird way I just feel very disconnected with life. Thankfully I do have an anchor with my daughter and fiance. I just feel like I am trying to rejoin the human race, stay in touch with friends, stop being so concerned with me and reach outwards to others.

  • nvrgnbk
    nvrgnbk

    You're fine, LaniB.

    We love you.

    A little introspection is good, but don't let it get the best of you.

    We were trained as JWs to beat ourselves up constantly. We were easier to manipulate that way.

    Your contribution to JWD is important and appreciated.

    Enjoy your daughter and your fiance.

    Thanks again for all you do.

  • drew sagan
    drew sagan

    LaniB
    Many new people come on this board every week at tell us their stories and problems. Being able to offer up some advice and guidance is the reason many regular posters stay here. Don't feel ashamed because you needed somebody to listen to you, thats what this board is here for.

  • jgnat
    jgnat

    It's phases, and it's normal. To start, ask for help. I did. Then I got tired of myself, so I re-evaluated. Then I switched to helping.

    See? Normal.

    If I could be considered normal.

  • stillajwexelder
    stillajwexelder

    Hey no apology needed - you stick around

  • lavendar
    lavendar

    Hi Lani!

    No need for apologies. Everyone on this board is at different stages, and in different life situations.

    If you need to vent and rant.....then do it. Part of the healing process is talking about your feelings and hurts. And I'm sure you have some wisdom to offer others, too. I wish you all the best!

    Hugs,

    Lavendar

  • LaniB
    LaniB

    Thanks, I suppose it's because I never feel that good about myself. "Low self esteem thy name is Lani". Although its funny in a way. Here I am apologising for making everything about me and I'm creating a topic all about me. I just came back to delete or edit my post to change it from being another "all about me" post but there were answers and I appreciate it. I stopped attending meetings years ago but always defended the Witnesses and put my decision to leave down to not being strong enough and having a suicidal death wish until about a year ago. And then I started questioning things and finally lost faith in it all.

  • jgnat
    jgnat

    I can relate, Lani. I tend to internalise a lot, and as you say, even when we do that, it becomes all abut "me". My cure was to look outside myself, do things for other people. I let my internal works take care of themselves. I'm much more content today.

  • nvrgnbk
    nvrgnbk
    "Low self esteem thy name is Lani".

    WTF!? An ex-JW with low self-esteem? Preposterous! LOL!

    Hang in there, girl.

  • ninja
    ninja

    about time too...your attitude has been atrocious......only kidding mrs.....btw...hello......he he...da ninja

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