This is long, sorry. But, I need HELP.
So...............................background....
My 14 year old niece came to visit us this week. She's being raised by her grandparents (ex-JWs) and birth mother (ex-JW). Her birth father died a few years back of a heart attack. Her birth mother had her as a teenager after running away with the father. The birth father never supported or otherwise showed much care for his daughter. The birth mother gave the child to her parents on the day she was born, and left to live with the birth father for 5 years. Birth mother wised up, left the father, and is now a pretty good person.
The 14 year old's grades are very bad. She can't write a sentence correctly. Bad grammar, run on sentences, no paragraphing skills, bad spelling, etc. During the school year, she failed the CRT test and attended summer school. She passed the CRT in summer school. She has no interest in doing any extra curricular activities, except MySpace & talking with her friends.
The 14 year old's friends, includes boys. Her last boyfriend threatened to "cut his wrist" if she left him. Her current boyfriend (the old boyfriend's cousin) tried to commit suicide a few years back & was put back a year in public school for failing grades.
The 14 year old's grandparents are "tired". They are aware of the 14 year old's lack of homework, bad grammar/illiteracy, etc. They ground the 14 year old for a week or two, but never stick to it (checking her homework, calling school, restricting her friends, etc). I think the grandparents are afraid the 14 year old will run away if they are "too strict."
The 14 year old's mother is trying to be her "best friend." I think the mother is guilty for abandoning her daughter when she was an infant, and is trying to make up for it.
So..................................................the BIG problem is revealed....
The 14 year old & I have been watching CourtTV (mainly those "bad boy" shows). Her wheels have been turning, she asks questions, and I explain the law & the reason behind the law. While we were watching a show last night, she opens up to me.
The 14 year old is about to enter high school. She tells me, "My high school is really bad, and there are gangs. My boyfriend's cousins/friends are members of the "Crip" gang. You have to kill a person to get into the gang. They take drugs, deal drugs, mainly weed, but there are other stuff. I don't do the drugs, but they asked me to put it in my locker. The Crip gang members are fun to be around, they cut up & joke. My boyfriend doesn't do drugs, but he has to hang out with them because they are his cousins. Some of the gang members are already talking about dropping out of school."
I questioned her, remained calm, and found out alot more. We looked up the Crip gang on the Internet. It's a huge gang network. I told her that the gangs recruit middle school kids, train them to deal drugs. Then in high school, the gang members start doing the dirty work until they are arrested & put into prison. In prison, the gang members direct the outside. I told her that the weed will escalate to meth/heroin/crack & dirty weed (weed dipped in heroin) as these young boys get older. I told her that boys are driven by testosterone, and in 1-2 years their testosterone levels will be very high. There will be bad fights, and they will most likely have access to the date rape drug. I also told her that if she "hangs out" with them, she could be caught for "aiding & abetting" the criminals. I showed her a court case (torture & murder) where gang members tortured/murdered an innocent kid. Some of the gang's girls are being charged with aiding type crimes. I explained that if these girls ratted out their boyfriends, the girls will be killed.
(I thought the 14 year old's unwillingness to do homework or extracurricular activities.....it stems from being a gang member. Just like a JW, there is love bombing by the gang members, identification with the gang, loss of personal identity (and therefore personal interest), etc. Thanks JWD. I also showed her about controlling, abusive men.....)
So...................................................my questions.
The grandparents are coming to pick her up tomorrow. I am going to tell them about our conversation. But,
1) Do I tell the grandparents in front of the 14 year old? I'm leaning towards yes.
My father=in-law is going to flip his lid. They have no idea that the granddaughter is associating with gang members. I strongly see the grandparents asking her questions/restrictions/etc, so she'll know I ratted her out eventually. If I tell her in front of them, then she will see a united front that this is bad.
2) Do I take the granddaughter into my house if the grandparents agree? I'm leaning towards no.
If I took her in, it's her chance to make a change.
But, everyone I know who has ever tried this technique, has backfired. I can put the 14 year old in a new high school, but will she gravitate towards the same type of friends? Plus, we have young children I need to protect. I don't want the gang element in my house. I can't put the 14 year old in private school (she'd have to go into the 4th grade as her writing skills are so poor). I don't have time to home-school.
Help please,
Skeeter