Help & What are the blessings in YOUR life?

by Billygoat 24 Replies latest jw friends

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  Billygoat

  These thoughts have been triggered by one of Esmerelda's posts about the lesson she learned from her daughter. If you haven't read it, please do. It is beautifully written! I hope it made you think like it made me think.

  The attack of 9/11 has had a profound effect on me. Strangely enough, the reality of it has sunk in just this past week. I've just had a very difficult week and I can only attribute it to the 9/11 attack. That and when I heard about Jonjon, I just get so... overwhelmed. So angry. So depressed. Sometimes rageful.

  I understand that we have to keep living life as usual while grieving, but is anybody else having a hard time doing this? I'm a pretty upbeat, positive person, but this week I've not felt myself. I've not been able to control my emotions. I cry at the drop of the hat. I get angry quickly over the most minor issues. Neil and I have argued more this week than we have the whole year we've dated. Most of the arguments are over something that upset me not him. (Usually silly things!) Everyday life seems very overwhelming right now. My mentor and my counselor have asked me to keep a "Blessing Journal". A list of things that are good about my life and that I am thankful for. I don't mean to sound ungrateful, but I just don't feel like doing it. It just doesn't seem like these things matter right now when I have so much grief to wade through. Maybe I'm just down and being a little stubborn. I dunno.

  I guess the point of this post is really to hear your experiences and get some encouragement. Maybe even if I hear about some of the blessings in your life, then that will help me realize the blessings in mine. I know I've got things to be thankful for, but for some reason right now I don't even feel like acknowledging them. Why is that? Any input? What are you thankful for in your life?

  With a heavy heart tonight...
  Andi
• 

  Pierced Angel

  Hey Billygoat,

  You know, I felt that way for the last few weeks. I just didn't want to plan any new goals or think about doing anything fun or new, I just didn't care. But, it's come back, slowly, but surely and I'm now getting excited about all the possibilities in my life. I'm 34 and haven't been very active in sports (wonder why?, lol) and am taking rollerblading lessons at a local indoor rollerskating park. I'm also relearning French with my daughter so we can go to Paris together. It's going to come back, life does go on, just don't let the bad times get you down.
  Oh, I have to admit that part of the reason I'm feeling so good again is the admiration of another man. I posted it on the sex board, but I am taking the advice of everyone and breaking off contact with the guy, as hard as that's going to be, sigh. But, he did make me feel like maybe I've still got it and I plan to make good use of it with my husband! I think my husband will get a good surprise when he comes home from work one night and I'm rollerblading on the street. He knows I'm a clutz so it feels good to know I'm going to surprise him.

  Good luck, you know it's hard to think of living and loving and having things to dream about when life seems to be so fragile, especially after hearing about all the negative news in the world. I wish I knew more to say, but I'm still learning too.
• 

  JanH

  Andi,

  I'm sorry to hear about this. It did hit a chord in me, though. Though far removed from the events at 9/11, they did effect me a great deal. It was the first day of my recent vacation, and the shock of turning on CNN when I first came on the hotel room I will always remember. I spent that day literally in shock and tears. I cannot remember myself reacting like that to anything before, at least not in my adult life, even tragedies on the personal level. Well, this being a vacation and all, I got over it and enjoyed my time.

  Coming home, I find myself in a very stressful time with big personal changes, and my mood swings are notable. It's really hard to explain. I am neither depressed nor manic, but it feels like my emotions see the world and my situation through a celeidoscope turning constantly. I see the same facts, and one moment I feel good and optimistic, some time later I see only the dark sides. I am, and have always been, optimistic and a happy person, but these events drain my strength like few other things can. I think this is all a combination of many things. Surely the 9/11 events, and my personal stress, and add the darkness, rain and cold that characterizes autumn in this part of the world. It's a roller coaster ride.

  I think the best advice to anyone, and one I have given myself, is not to sit quietly in a corner thinking too much about sad things. Just today, I talked to a good friend and told about how I felt. Just by talking to a patient and kind soul, it helped me see some new perspectives. The kind words I heard from my friend lightened my mood.

  You asked for the blessings in my life. I have many, but mention one. My good friends, spread around the world, online and offline, are by far the greatest blessing I ever had.

  Angel,

  Thanks for posting that experience and perspective. It surely helped to lighten my mood today.

  - Jan
  --
  "Doctor how can you diagnose someone with Obsessive Compulsive Disorder and then act like I had some choice about barging in here right now?" -- As Good As It Gets
• 

  somebody

  Dear dear Billygoat,

  I think your thoughts reflect the thoughts of so many of us here. I was going to reply and then read Pierced Angel's and Jan's replys too. dammit, now i have a lump in my fingers! I will try to reply tomorrow if it's gone by then.

  I think we all learned more than one lesson in life by the terror and heatbreaking tragedy of the lives lost in the 9/11 attack.

  peace,
  gwen
• 

  Esmeralda

  Awww, Andi. *HUG* I'm sorry that you're having a rough time right now.

  One of my heroes, Dr. Phil McGraw spoke recently about how any 'lessons' that we
  could all learn from the events that happened on 9-11 are just not worth it,
  the price was too high. He said that it's just impossible to try to find a
  'silver lining' in all of that sadness.

  Then he also said that on the other hand, if the events didn't make you
  re-examine your priorities in life, you were a loser, because now is the
  time for all of us to quit wasting time and start doing what matters in our
  lives.

  I highly recommend his book Life Strategies if you haven't read it. I also
  can't say enough about The Four Agreements by Don Miguel Ruiz. It changed
  the way that I look at myself and everyone else.

  I have kept a gratitude journal...mostly in my head because I seem to
  spend so much time writing about everything else! But since you asked, here
  are some of the things and people that I am grateful for:

  My husband, who honestly deserved to be knighted, sainted, and adored for
  life to put up with all he does.

  For my beautiful child, who I wasn't ever sure I could carry after the two
  babies I miscarried before her.

  I'm grateful for every day that I can see to read letters and messages from the friends that I have made around the world.

  On the days that I can't see so well, I am grateful that I have a soft bed and warm blankets, and a full stomach, and the right to wear what I like, can go out without an escort, and enjoy such freedom that women in most other parts of the world can only dream of.

  Those are just a few things. Some are external, but I find that the most peace comes from inside myself, when I get quiet, sit still, and just listen to my life. If I do that, I always find I have more to be grateful for than I can possibly write in a journal.

  Hope this makes sense, I'm so tired I have to get to bed. But I didn't want to go without answering your post.

  Oh! One more thing I'm grateful about tonight: that I could share something that my little one did with you, and it touched your heart. Thank you for that, Andi!

  Please give yourself time. We have all been wounded in one way or another by all of this...it takes time to sort it all out.

  (((((((hugs)))))))) to you, to Angel and you too, Jan and gwen...
  essie
• 

  kevin221

  Andi,
  I recently lost the greatest blessing in my life, but I'm still very thankful for the gift of life itself. The struggle to get out of bed each day is well worth the effort. Many here have helped me to start to heal, and that is the greatest blessing of all. I hope you find peace, life is too short to be without it.

  Take care,
  Kevin
• 

  Princess

  Hi Andi,

  I've thought about this alot. The events of 9/11 have changed my life, that's for sure. I think about what death would do to my family, my kids growing up without a dad, or mom, or the unthinkable, losing one of my kids. It happened to so many people on one day and it's too horrifying to comprehend. I canceled a trip I had planned for this weekend with my five year old son. We live in Seattle and were going to fly to New Hampshire for the weekend to visit some friends. I thought it would be good to have some one on one time with my son, and a nice trip too. I have had such a feeling of dread for the past month over this trip. Last week I was doing some of the bookkeeping for our plumbing company and trying to figure out how I could explain how it all works to my husband in case something happened to me. I realized I was going about everything I was doing with that thought in mind. I felt like I was preparing my own funeral. I finally called my friend and told her I just couldn't do it. I really felt like I was taking an unncessary risk with our lives. It cost me a bit to cancel but the peace of mind I have felt since canceling last Thursday was well worth every penny. Some may think it silly but the overall feeling of dread was too much to bear. Hopefully sometime in the near future I will feel comfortable enough to make a cross country trip again. Just not today.

  So, I am grateful every day for a husband and best friend for the last 13plus years. I know how lucky I am to have him and I'm always amazed at what a good man I have.

  I have two beautiful healthy children who surprise me daily with what comes out of their mouths. (good and bad

  I'm grateful for my parents who raised us as witnesses, if they hadn't, I would not have the above. They have supported us in so many ways and they are good friends on top of everything.

  I feel very lucky to have every member of my family (except grandma) out of the borg. My sister-in-law's recent departure was unexpected but so amazing for the whole family. All my neices and nephews are safe from the witness way of life.

  Hope you are feeling better soon,
  Rachel
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  Andee

  Hi Andi,

  I seem to go from one end of the spectrum to the other regarding my feelings about what happened on Sept 11th. The sense of uncertainy that I have had since then has been the ongoing battle that I have been fighting.

  After this happened, I was telling my Mother that I seemed the whole country was going through what I went through when my daughter became ill with leukemia. From the moment I got the diagoses, that very second, my priorities changed. Career, house, cars, just stuff became unimportant. My definition of "successful" changed. It wasn't about having a fat bank account anymore. Plus, I dealt with all of the uncertainly of whether or not she was going to live.

  I won't go into great detail, but my husband and I really went through some extremely difficult times during her illness. Emotionally and financially. We still feel the effects today. However, I do stop and take notice of the some of the simple things that I find beautiful and comforting.

  I do, however, acknowledge there is plenty of uglyness in this world and yes, sometimes, I have to just blank it out. I do what I can to make this a better world, because I am in it, but realize I can't fix everything. I also ask myself, "if I had died in that plane crash, would I have wanted everyone to feel guilty for living a full live and experience joy again"? Well, of course not, I would have wanted everyone to go on.

  I don't want anyone to think that I think I am trying to be the voice of those people. It's just a thought when I feel sad for what happened.

  Andi, when you get mad about something petty, you might try to stop yourself, and ask what is REALLY going on?I have a tendency to get snappy over something small, when it is something else completely that is bothering me. I know it's hard though in the heat of the moment.

  As for the blessings in my life. Well, here goes.

  1. My children. My daughter, who is 10, that I nearly lost twice. Once at birth and then a year later when she was diagnosed with Leukemia. She was blessed with a wonderful Dr and medical staff that were so kind and compassionate. My Son, who is 5 and hyper-active. He is so outgoing and cute. My new elderly hungarian neighbors have fallen completely in love with him.

  2. My husband. So hardworking, loyal, and sweet. He is understanding of my many quirks and keeps a sense of humor when I go on one of my mini tirades.

  3. My Mom. She's a fantasic grandmother and my kids adore her. Her husband (my step-father) is also a terrific "Papaw".

  4. My health. Goodness knows I haven't taken the best care of myself, yet, I am in pretty good shape.

  5. My friends. I don't make friends easily in the "real" world. I am somewhat shy and standoffish. Not easy to get to know. So, most of my friends go back to childhood or before I got married. I know that if I need something they would be there for me. One is even a born again christian who is privy to my religious background. Yet, she and her husband never try to convert me. They just show me kindness and have done so for nearly 20 years.

  6. My sister. Geez, how we used to fight growing up. Now, we actually like each other . She's a computer "genius" and built this computer for me as a Xmas present.

  7. I have the most beautiful view of Mt. San Jacinto out my kitchen window. One of the first things I do in the morning is open the blinds and enjoy the scenery.

  8. I haven't done one since I was in a car accident in January and broke my foot. However, right before that, I could STILL do a CARTWHEEL! My daughter was trying to learn and was AMAZED I could do one. My husband also got quite a kick out of watching me cartwheel around his Mother's backyard. I will consider myself completely healed when I can complete a perfect cartwheel!
  And...I will say..

  This discussion Board. I consider most of the many posters on this board to be blessings in my life. I have learned so much. I won't name a single person, but I have gain a clarity that I know I wouldn't have if I hadn't found this place. I am truly grateful for your research and your thoughts and insight.

  A very big special thank you to Simon

  Andee
  (edited because I thought of more things to be grateful for )
• 

  Jehovah_God

  I am blessed with billions of followers, wether they like it or not.
• 

  Prisca

  Looks like not even God can spell correctly.... phew - now I don't feel so bad when I make spelling mistakes!

  Thanks be to Andi for starting a lovely thread. I am sorry that you are feeling low. The consequences of 11/9 go much further than any of us probably realised.

  What am I grateful for?

  1. Waking up and breathing in another new day. So many people lose their lives every day. I hope my final day doesn't come too soon.

  2. The ability to walk, talk, hear, smell and taste. Some people don't have all of those abilities so I'm grateful that mine are all in working order.

  3. The ability to work and earn money in a job. Not everyone has the privilege to be employed.

  4. Having the chance to listen and learn to my parents when I had them. Many of the principles they taught me are what I use in my life today.

  5. My niece. The cutest and smartest little girl I have ever met!

  I suppose I could list a million more things I am greateful for, but I wanted to leave space for the rest of you!