by minu 25 Replies latest jw friends
If she were your sibling, I'd say it were a bid for attention. I mean, from goth to pentecostal? This is a girl crying to be noticed. Your mom and dad oblige.
Now brainstorm, how can you keep from being sucked in to the crazyness? Do you have the option to go bowling or something?
Sorry you have to experience this at family gatherings. Geee sure puts a damper on just having a good time.
What I did with my neices and nephews was....I made sure that mom and dad were no where in sight, and gave them each my business card. Told them to put it away in their pockets, put it someplace no one knows, and if they every need anything...call me I will be there. Seems to have worked. They call me when they are in a jam since my JW family only wants them to feel bad about being a kid. So far nothing harmful, I did tell them if they did anything against the law, or was harmful to themselves or others I would have to tell their parents.
Hate you have to do that with family that shun you.
Leslie
undercover: you are absolutely correct! They go on and on about the JWs and she goes on and on trying to dispute their beliefs. At one point me and my siblings tried to dispute both religions (what each of the two sides were saying) and you should have been there...felt like WW3. The whole situation is sometimes so screwed up, becaue the SIL is such an argument hog, she could start an argument in an empty house. Uggggh.....makes me not want to go on Friday.
This is a girl crying to be noticed. Your mom and dad oblige. Now brainstorm, how can you keep from being sucked in to the crazyness? Do you have the option to go bowling or something?
Jgnat: you hit the nail on the head. She has always been like this and at first me, my sis and my bro tried to help her, assist with financial worries that she voiced, or what ever came up. Heck, when she got preg with my nephew, she called me saying she was going to abort b/c her and my bro were on the outs. So i talked her out of that and offered to adopt my nephew. she agreed, i started legal paperwork then when it was almost over, she reniged on the adoption. she seems to thrive on controversy and now, me, my sis and my bro (not the one married to her) basically ignore her dramatic scenes. Well, she noticed that we're not playing her game anymore and she called my sis yesterday, she started the conversation with "what's wrong with me, why do you and your sis (me) and your bro give me the cold shoulder? Is she ever going to get it? How dumb can this girl be. I hate that my brother married this nutjob and he had a very bad temper. All it will take is that day when he's had enough of her foolishness and then we'll be bailing his dumb butt out of jail.
As far as getting out of these situations. I get out of as many as I can but this friday is my nephew's b-day (1 year old) so i'm going for him. Not her!
This is nephew's bday and your parents are going? There might be hope for them.... But yeah, sounds like a personality of the SIL to breed conflict. The joy of families.
its taken a great deal of practice (i used to be easily baited into religious arguments) but i have over time developed a system of complete silence when confronted with a religious debate. ive found that no amount of reason, evidence or historical context can ever convince a religious adherent that their positions are incorrect. so ive taken myself out of the debate. a blank stare followed by a silent pause followed by a complete topic change is the only way ive found to keep me from driving myself crazy arguing with a zealot. its like yelling at a retarded person. youre never gonna convince them into being un-retarded and youre never gonna convince a religious nut that theyre a nut. "you have to have faith" is an unassailable position for anyone who doesnt have a seed of doubt already. ive found that those who do have doubt within themselves will follow my silence with a revealing statement of the issue they have doubt about, opening up a substantive conversation. however, if they are a zealot ive found it better for my sanity to save my breath and talk about puppies!
no, parents won't be there this fri. (at least i don't think so). so maybe it will be a little calmer than yesterday. Although she'll try to start crap with us but we won't bite and she'll get all p'sd off and ruin our gathering with each other anyway.
better for my sanity to save my breath and talk about puppies
good idea. maybe when i so abruptly change the subject about something like that she'll shut her pie hole. LOL. that pic in my head is funny.
Make sure future gatherings are at your home so you are in authority. Make a rule, and enforce it - anyone who begins a religious discussion gets their ass kicked out the door. No exceptions. After a few ejections they'll begin to get the message.
W
Also, remember to reward your sister-in-law when she behaves normally. I've made the mistake of ONLY paying attention to attention hogs. Then, who can blame them?
