Death of a JW (My weekend experience)

by teenyuck 12 Replies latest jw friends

  • teenyuck

    On Oct. 8 my uncle G. died. He was a JW, a prior Ministerial Servant and Elder. Quick rundown on family history to
    make sense of coming story and subsequent question: Greatgranddad Mike (my mother's father, father) was JW with
    wife Sophie since 1914. Both part of the 144,000. She became "Evil Slave", he stayed married. They had one son, my
    mother's father, Chester. Chester never was JW. He was, however, an acknowledged child molester. Chester meets
    Helen, (Helen is my mother's mother), marries and has 4 daughters. Helen listens to Mike over the years and decides
    she wants to be a JW. Chester does not, neither do 4 daughters. Chester and Helen fight, often. Helen leaves
    Chester in approximately 1951. She is convinced she is also one of the 144,000 and must preach. Helen takes to
    the streets of Chicago, preaching. Her four daughters, oldest age 12, are left with Chester. Chester and Helen are
    divorced. Helen has no contact with children.

    Cut to 1955. Oldest daughter, my mother, begs Helen's mother, to let her come live with her, because Chester is
    peeking in on her in the bath. Mother's grandma petitions court and wins custody of my mother when my mother
    was 16. Other siblings are left to "Chester the Molester". My mother still has not become a JW. She sisters leave
    home at various stages over the next 5 years. They all married vrey young to escape Chester.

    Cut to 1958. My mother meets my father, she gets pregnant and they wed. My sister is born. I come to be a few
    years later. In 1967, JW's come to door. My mother lets them in. Starts studying. Becomes JW. My father is still
    not there, however, he lets her do it. Dad decides to become JW in about 1969. In meantime, all mother's sisters
    and their husbands are studying. Mike, the old "Annointed" one, is still in the picture. He is thrilled that some of
    his family are involved. During family get togethers, Great-Grandmother Sophie is shunned. She is an Evil Slave
    and we are not allowed to speak to her. She sits alone, in corner, during any family gathering. She never speaks.

    Cut to 1970. My mother's youngest sister is the girlfriend of a married, wealthy man. He is supporting her, her two
    children. He rents them a very nice apartment. (Aunt #4 husband decided JW not for him, he walked out; she was
    never baptised.) My mother, being a good JW, tells her sister she is a fornicating whore and she will not speak to
    her until she dumps her "sugar daddy" and gives her life to Jehovah. My aunt tells her to get fucked. She is 20
    years old, with 2 kids, no education and he is a lifeline. My mother cuts my aunt off. She is now shunned. She is
    not a JW, not baptised, however, after my mother speaks to the elders at the congregation, she is told that if she
    associates with her sister, she is approving of her fornication. My mother does not speak to her sister for approximately
    5 years.

    Cut to 1973. My father, being frustrated by my mother's declining sexuality (she refused to do anything but the
    missionary position after becoming a JW, in a strange twist of fate!) starts to sleep around. Mother, with children
    in tow, catches him a few times with other women. Finally throws him out. Literally. Takes all clothing and throws
    in driveway for him to find when he comes home. (daughters are asked to help)

    In 1975, Crazy Helen, (as she is known now) suddenly calls her first daughter (my mother) and acts like she saw her
    yesterday. It has been about 25 years. She is now remarried (she had decided that Chester the Molester) must have
    committed adultery so she is free to remarry. Helen weighs about 300 pounds; so does her husband. They are both
    on welfare and disability. She states she has never worked-she found a way for the evil government to pay her bills
    so she can preach. However, due to her large girth, she cannot get out preaching much. Helen starts quoting bible
    scriptures. Helen askes if she can come visit. It turns out she is visiting her mother and staying with her. My mother
    arranges to have all the sisters come over and meet Helen. All family shows up and Helen rants about
    Armageddon. She quotes scriptures. She never askes how the women and their families are doing. She never
    apologizes for leaving them with a molester. She says the end is near, so she must see them one last time! I am angry
    at Helen for disrupting our life. She is frightening. She has shocking red hair, and large, round eyes. I yell at her and
    tell her she is an Evil Slave, not an Annointed one. Helen starts chasing me (as best she could); I run and get outside.
    I go to a neighbors house. This neighbor has not shunned us for being JW. They are just nice. No questions. Cookies,
    milk and a hug. I do not go home, until I see the cars leave. Helen never visits Chicago again. She had moved to
    California and does not even return for her mother's funeral. I never saw her again, though she did phone about 3 times
    over the next 15 years.

    1974, parents divorce. Father re-marries within 2 years, starts new family. Mother starts to date. She will only date
    men with no children and money. Not very likely in the JW organization. Unless they are the age of 85 and bachelors.
    Mother starts to date "Worldly" men. Her sisters, in meantime, have been in touch with the fornicating youngest
    sister. The two middle sisters, #'s 2 and 3, whose husbands have been elders and ministerial servants, realize that
    shunning and cutting off sister # 4 serves no purpose except for control, by sister # 1, my mother. They decide that if
    my mother won't talk to sister #4, they won't talk to her. She is now shunned by sisters # 2, 3, and 4. Until their
    mother comes back to town. The pull of seeing someone they have not seen since they were children is too strong.
    Mohter and her sisters are back in touch.

    Cut to 1976. Armageddon did not happen. Many in congregation are still shell shocked, wondering how they are
    going to pay bills-many sold businesses and quit jobs to go on vacations, before "the end of things as we know it."
    My sister, who is now 17, is wondering how she is going to find a boyfriend to "take care of her." My mother has not
    promoted education-who needs it? Not only will you have a husband to do everything, you will be in Paradise!! Sister
    meets worldly at a JW wedding. He is the younger cousin of mother's good friend. Sister and mother fight over sister
    dating worldly. (it's ok for mom, not for sis). Sis runs away and lives with him. She drops out of high school and is
    pregnant within months. She is then Disfellowshipped (DF'd) for fornication. She never spoke with the elders. My
    mother did. She gave them all the details.

    While she was at it, Mom decided she might as well tell them that my father had started smoking. (father had dropped
    off radar of elders) Elders immediately DF'd him for smoking. Mother is still dating worldlies.

    Mom, apparently in a fit of hormones, breaks down and sleeps with her worldly boyfriend of two years. She then comes
    home and in a fit of guilt, confesses all to her 15 year old daughter-Me. I advise Mom to keep mum. She is sorry,
    just don't do it again-or get married. I like her boyfriend. He is very nice and divorced, so is his family. He has two young boys; I
    always wanted brothers.

    Mother cannot help herself. She decides to confess to the elders what she did. They promply DF her!!! She puts on
    letter writing campaign and begs CO for second chance. Somehow, they overturn her DF'ing! While all this is happening
    on the home front, my mother's sisters and husbands have waning interest in the JW's. They stop going in service and
    going to meetings. One of these uncle's is the one who passed away this past week.

    In the ensuing years, my aunt's # 2 and 3, get back involved with the JW's. Uncle G was married to aunt #2. He went
    in service and to the meetings once in a while. His younger daughter comes out of closet. She has never been baptised.
    Uncle is the nicest, sweetest man. He always had a smile and a joke, even when his wife and my mother were fighting
    about something stupid. It is very sad to see him pass. He was afraid to have surgery, because of the blood issue. He
    died of a massive heart attack.

    Cut to his wake. There are many family and extended family members. My DF'd sister and father show up. No one in
    the family shuns them. (old grandma Sophie/Evil Slave, dies in approximately 1985, no JW's come to her funeral-only
    family. Old man Mike the "Annointed" one, has a funeral that would make the Queen Mother proud). Anyway, at the
    wake, a brother from my uncle's congregation, gives a "fire and brimstone" speech. He brings up Armegaddon so many
    times, I lose count. He sounds like he is trying to recruite the non-believers who show up. Half of the people at the
    wake are co-workers of uncle G. He worked at the same company for over 40 years. The eulogy was very disappointing.

    After the wake, a group of us, including an elder and his wife, and her good friend, went to a coffee shop across the
    street from the funeral home. As we were having coffee, the elder starts telling stories about the new system. I am
    biting my tounge. The friend of the wife, Angie, tells him to pray for her. He askes why. She says there are now
    so many "blacks" in the Chicago congreations, that when she gets a piece of paradise, she wants it to be vanilla,
    not chocolate!! She smiles and says "they are taking over the congregations". It is getting too rowdy. Good Christian.
    I am sure God has a place for people like her. I do not think it is paradise or heaven for that matter.

    Questions: Many witnesses were there; they knew my father and sister were DF'd, however, they spoke to them-is this

    Is a eulogy about the last days the new norm?

    Any good responses to the relatives who want to get me back into the JW's, without hurting their feelings? (I have
    disassociated my self. Never formally, however, I made it clear to them at the funeral , I do not agree with the teachings.
    I did bring up the UN issue. No one in my family was aware the the JW's were apart of the UN.)

    Any info on the racial issues? I do recall many black members, however, they were just like everyone else-ardent!

    Thanks for taking the time to read this. It felt good to write it and put the history down on paper, so to speak.

    Any thoughts and/or opinions would be welcomed.

  • AGuest

    Dearest 'Puff'... may you have peace... and may I say that you MUST have felt 'good' writing this, because I TRULY felt good reading it. I laughed a lot, and felt sad over a great many things as well.

    I have no thoughts or opinions other than to say that hypocrites... are hypocrites. Period.

    Peace to you!

    A slave of Christ,


  • Eyebrow

    The race thing: there are imperfect people in all religions. It makes me especially sick to hear of it in the JWs because I was raised that it didn't matter what race you were. But I know plently of JWs and nonJWs that do not feel that way.

    As far as not shunning the DFd ones at the funeral, maybe they were just trying to be kind. That does happen every once in a while.

    My father was not a witness, but my mom is. He had no eulogy. Just a funeral talk by a local elder. It was awful. My poor mother did not realize until after the funeral that it was a mistake to not have a real eulogy. She was just overwhelmed, and was on automatic pilot. The elders should have asked about an eulogy in addition to the funeral talk.

    Thanks for sharing your story.

  • dungbeetle

    ((((((((((puffsrule))))))))))) much dung, so little time...

  • Rex B13
    Rex B13

    Dear Puff,
    Thanks so much for sharing your testimony. All of us have family who would fit some of your descriptions.

    Hi Shelby,

    You said:
    Dearest 'Puff'... may you have peace... and may I say that you MUST have felt 'good' writing this, because I TRULY felt good reading it. I laughed a lot, and felt sad over a great many things as well.
    I have no thoughts or opinions other than to say that hypocrites... are hypocrites. Period.
    Peace to you! A slave of Christ,

    What do you call a person who calls themselves, "a slave of Christ", yet mocks scripture by claiming to receive "divine revelations" that does not line up with scripture?
    Isn't that rather evil and doesn't God promise harsher punishment for those who teach their own ideas as gospel?

  • mommy

    WOw Puff!
    Thanks for sharing with us here. That is more family history than I know. Dad was adopted, so it ends there on his side. I am glad you hvae a place to speak. No matter if there is no reply, you know your voice has been heard!

    Blind faith can justify anything.~Richard Dawkins

  • Prisca

    Hi Puff,

    Just to answer some of your questions:

    JWs are allowed to speak to relatives of the deceased at a funeral. It's a kind of softening the rules, as a funeral is considered a "unusual occasion" and not a normal social situation. Hence, it was ok to speak to a cousin of mine at her mother's funeral, but we couldn't go to a family reunion that had been on a few months earlier, because the reunion was a social event, whereas the funeral was an abnormal event.

    A euology about the last days is normal. At another aunt's funeral, 5 mins was given to speak about her, the rest of the 40min talk was about the JWs version of death and Paradise.

    Racism is more of a local attitudes thing. Some congregations are good, others are particularly racist. I was brought up to view people as just that, regardless of race or social status. Our congregation didn't have racial problems, but that's not to say that all JW congs are the same.

    BTW, I hope your life is a bit more peaceful than the lives of your relatives!

  • LittleToe

    Sorry to hear of your loss.
    In my experience a funeral is always used to get a message across.
    It's not uncommon for the elder taking the funeral to know little about the individual, so the eulogy is often seriously short.

    Give Shelby a break, will you? She made some really nice comments there.


  • Yerusalyim


    The Phrases "WOW" and OH MY GOD! come to mind. I'm speechless, which is unusaul for me!

    "Vanity! It's my favorite sin!"
    [Al Pacino as Satan, in "DEVIL'S ADVOCATE"]

  • openminded

    Chester the Molester?

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