Did you/ Do you tell prospective mates that you used to be a jw? (page 2)

misanthropic

It depends on how serious the relationship is. Just dating someone that you're not sure about yet, I wouldn't bother opening up about something like that. I've had 2 serious relationships- the first I was still a witness, the second I told him when we got serious and he moved in with me. I knew questions would come up as to why I had no family around ever- he was very close with his.
I look at it the same way I do with friends, while I'm getting to know someone there is no need for me to get too personal right away. If you're getting more serious then of course it will eventually need to come up.

Twitch

Plus, to most "worldly" people - it's really not a big deal. They won't really understand why you're so worked up about it and feel the need to "lay it all out there".

True dat. And it will only be a big deal if you make it so. Easier to say than do, I know. Everybody's got stuff to deal with right?

As for myself, I don't give such personal history unless it's initiated and/or likely to be reciprocated and not until the "seriousness" of the situation calls for it And it's usually more along the line of "yea, I was brought up a jojo, you know, we used to pester people trying to sleep in on the weekends, but that's in the past now. How 'bout you?"

I'm not ashamed of the past and what I was. Rather, I'm proud of who and what I am now because of it and that's all that matters. Any future "mate" would recognize and appreciate this as I would in them.

But if you're not looking for something serious, keep it simple.

flipper

Hello, Mr. Flipper here. I thought Joanna Dandys comments were pretty much right on. At first you don't introduce yourself as a ex-witness. However , if you are intending to form a relationship with this person, you would want to be honest about your past as you would want the person to be with you. Just don't make a big deal about having been a witness, everybody was something in their life before meeting, we all have as you say"baggage". But it's how we deal with the baggage that counts, if we've learned to handle it. So just let your prospective partner know you don't believe that way anymore, that's why you got out, and move on and enjoy your life!. It worked for me and Mrs. Flipper!. Good luck, Peace out, Mr. Flipper

keyser soze

Yes, because she would want to know why I would never introduce her to my parents. I also think it gives me a certain uniqueness that others may not have. I was always embarrassed when I was active to say I was a JW, but since I've left I actually embrace it more. My past experiences are part of what defines me.

moshe

I never mentioned it to my wife when we were dating. She is Jewish and as far as she was concerned believeing in Jesus as the Messiah puts every Christian in the same boat. She knows about it now, but it doesn't bother her at all.

student1

Misanthropic - you hit the nail on the head! I feel like I should explain why I dont have family around me! I guess I want him to realise that its not because I did something awful but because of the religion! Also why my birthday went by without a family hoopla!

My question stems from insecurity about my situation. I worry that if I dont tell them why my family are not involved in my life - wrong conclusions will be drawn! Afterall if I was a worldly 'your family is in a cult' would not be the first assumption I would jump to! ha ha

My choice of words 'prospective mate' is hillarious- why did i say that? Classic Jdub lingo!! I am dating one guy who I am unsure of as I do not know him that well, he is fun and i like fun (that is all I know!) So I will wait before I reveal the horrors that make up my upbringing.

I am so far off marriage its unreal! I have only just started to realise how many and varied the men are outside of the JW's its really rather exciting! Allthough the JW issues that I have still come into my mind and try to force relationships to be more than they are (does that make sense?).

Thankyou for the help and support - As always your posts are balanced and realistic and help me to chill out and let things run their natural course.

xxx

student1

Twitch your post was brilliant!

I should not be ashamed of the past! As it has made me who I am today. The fact I was a jdub is a running joke with my worldly mates (by that i mean friends) and I like that.

Like you said Twitch..my worldlies say that I give too many personal details to men I go out with.

Its all because I am stuck in fade away hell... ducking and diving from elders and juggleing my dearest jws feelings about my departure. It makes for an interesting life and allong with that i am trying to have a good relationship with a worldly! without the jws finding out!! Its all rather complicated!! the guy probably thinks im an undercover spy or im on the run from the police the way i behave! wow that would be so much better than im avoiding the cult leaders! where I live is jwville, so I have even taken to diving into bushes when out and about walking the dogs to avoid the jws!

Fade away hell makes me want to offload the details of my ludicrous life, I hope soon that I will no longer need to talk about it all so much!

Things will be so much easier once I have moved out of jwville!!

joannadandy

Fade away hell makes me want to offload the details of my ludicrous life, I hope soon that I will no longer need to talk about it all so much!
Things will be so much easier once I have moved out of jwville!!

Oh I've been there. I was fading away while still living at home with my parents. It was rough, and this was a great place for me to vent my frustrations, concerns, and fears.

Once I finally moved away I was able to make my fade complete and really let go of the fears of being "found-out" etc.

It will get better.

As far as you making "too much" out of relationships - don't worry about it. Honestly I know a lot of non-witnesses who do the same thing. It's hard to get excited about someone when we first meet them and want to be close/exlusive with them -- after all they're so new, and exciting. You really seem like you have your head on your shoulders about this whole thing. It will get easier the more you get out there and just date. Meet people, make friends, explore possiblities - but always be true to who you are and what you really want and you'll be just fine.

Eventually, at least for me it was like this, the JW thing becomes and less and less of an issue. My boyfriend knows my past, we've talked about it a lot...he's even met my parents now. Sometimes some things about my past belief structure still come up. It's always a revelation to him how messed up things were for a while, but it's definately not something you need to lay out like a biography or psychological analysis of your past - when you meet the right guy he may even help you sort things out you forgot you were even still holding on to.

Best of luck - if you ever need dating adventure stories -- oh I have lots! LOL

GetBusyLiving

Its gonna just come up after a while, I wouldn't worry about it. Most normies just think the witnesses are an odd cultish pseudo Xtian religion, if they even know who they are at all. I doubt any boyfriend you have would really care either way. Have fun dating!

GBL

crankytoe

I usually don't mention it,

Did you/ Do you tell prospective mates that you used to be a jw?

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