It seems to me there may be some of you out there who have not had kids due to the situation where you are not of the same mind as your partner in wanting to bring them up as witnesses. Thinking back to Besty and I before we had the two boys, I remember being of two minds - do I? don't I? I was concerned that Besty wasn't a spiritual head and he had even categorically stated that if we did have kids they wouldn't end up being Witnesses. At the time he said this I secretly thought to myself "oh yes they will if I have anything to do with it" although I did feel incredibly sad that there would be this conflict between us. Another couple of friends of ours are in the same situation - they have not have kids because he doesn't want them being brought up in the the faith and she won't contemplate having them if they're not. Her biological clock is ticking very loudly and it's the cause of a lot of bitterness and resentment in their marriage. Ironically, Besty and I decided to go for it regardless of our difference of opinion and 2 kids in quick succession later, resulted in me almost facing a nervous breakdown due to the pressures of raising 2 little ones and going to all the meetings. Together with bringing back memories of how I felt growing up as a Witness with all the isolation and not celebrating birthdays, etc I was in a frame of mind that led to me questioning the organisation (with a gentle prompt from Besty on a doctrinal matter) and 3 months later we have not been to a single meeting! So, having kids could theoretically help a spouse break free from the org if it is handled in a certain way...
Putting off having kids?
by sweet pea 11 Replies latest jw friends
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Gill
sweet pea ! Congratulations on your two little boys and especially on your leaving the WT Society - that blood sucking leech!
We found that having two children in 'da troof' was a nightmare and the pressures unbearable! When we had twins unexpectedly it was a dreadful burden and became more and more difficult. Finally having another 'surprise' bundle of joy freed us from the Cult.
We often chat about how the kids set us free from the Organization!! We have a lot to be thankful for!
Thanks Kids! You freed your parents from Slavery!
As for the WT society, I hope you go to hell in a handbag and Sooooooooooon!!!!
I believe this is part of the reason why the men at the top of the bOrg hate children so much!!!
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Mrs Smith
I have the same experience and found that it was when my second child was born that we started finding very difficult to go to all the meetings etc. I was working full time my son was 5 years old and between children, breast feeding and housework there was not enough hours in the day to get everything done. So we started missing more and more meetings. The more meetings we missed the more the elders put pressure on us, the more I didn't want to go. One day I told my hubby that I was tired of trying to be the perfect wife, mother and JW. If going to as many meetings as humanly possible was not good enough for the elders that I just wouldn't go any more. That was the begining of the end.
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Black Sheep
BarmyGeddon was so close that I am sure I am the result of a broken condom.
My daughter is waiting for paradise before she has her kids.
My son is a troooooo believer, but has fallen in love with a non-JW and has had a couple of granddaughters for me.
Unfortunately, he has done this on the other side of the planet, but I am going to visit them next month for the first time.
Cheers
Chris
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Crumpet
Blacksheep - I hope the meeting up with them goes well.
Sweetpea - I wont have kids, I tried to get sterilised every year from when I was 16 to 27 but the doctors refused.I just don't ever want to be like my mother was with me. It would be too cruel to perpetuate that through another generation. I am the last crumpet. We die with me.
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jeanV
I still remember that DC and subsequent WT about not having children in the time of the end... what an idiot I was at the time :-(
Luckily we eventually decided to have them. If you want any, I would not recommend to wait for too long (you do not want to be to parent and grandparent at the same time ). It was a whole new world and experience. They were instrumental in my questioning the WTS.
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Mariusuk.
At the DC last year there was some poor young woman, pioneer example they pulled up on stage. To the applause of the audience she proceeded to explain how she was putting off looking for a husband and having children to concentrate on pioneering because the "new system" was sooooooo close. This is in 2006!!! I had flashbacks to exactly the same "interview" in 1988, her children would now be 18!!!!
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Metamorphosis
You've hit the mark on my situation. I think both of us (my wife and I) want a kid. However I'm currently telling her I'm not ready simply for the fact that I don't want them raised linked to a man made org. If I was already officially out then it would actually be a discussion of how we might be able to raise them. But being I'm still fading (but quickly!) I can't have that discussion yet. I have a feeling from the way some conversations have gone that within a year we will have a deep talk about my feelings about the WTBTS - so hopefully that might open the door to talking about kids as well.
Morph 'do guys have biological clocks'
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Paralipomenon
I had a nice chat with my older brother on the weekend. He is a fantastic uncle, very involved. When we were younger, he was so dark and moody and hated kids I would have never thought he would be a good parent. But he has shown to have a real knack and my kids just love him.
I've bugged him for years that he'd make a good father, but on the weekend we had a very nice talk. He would love to have kids and knows he would be a great dad, but his wife is a real piece of work. She is about 200 lbs overweight, is on 3 separate drugs for depression, and has 2 other prescriptions for things that I don't personally feel are warranted.
My brother told me that he was concerned that with his wife's medical issues he didn't want to risk bringing a handicapped child into the world. He just sighed and said that he'd wait for the new system before having kids. I just wanted to scream. For one, he is far too good for his wife. He doesn't love her but was forced to marry her by the CO in his old hall. Second, I can understand his concerns about his wife's free use of pharmacy drugs, but even if she got that under control he feels it's better to wait for the new system. He's going to sacrifice his happiness for a lie.
I tried to reason with him on the JW angle that we don't know if people will even be able to reproduce in the New Order, but he just said he thinks it will be okay and we let it drop at that.
His wife is just using him. I have never met a more needy lazy individual in my life. But my brother is willing to sacrifice his happiness and his legacy because elders tell him his happiness isn't a good enough reason for a divorce.
*sigh* -
Finally-Free
I was a pioneer™ and I married a pioneer™. We decided to put off having kids until the new system™. Now I'm out of the cult, 49 years old, divorced and childless. At least I have Rocco.
W