Kinda Bored- Lets Invent Future Watchtower Titles...

by saywhat29 45 Replies latest jw experiences

  • saywhat29
    saywhat29

    Since being open to the truth abou Da Troof, whenever I read Watchtower articles, their titles are always combinations of the same thing, just rehatched and modified to say teh same exact thing... does anybody get what I mean?

    Serve Jehovah and Have Ever-lasting Peace!

    Serve Jehovah and Keep and mild Spirit, always Remembering Jesus Christ Is Your Lord!

    The Faithful and Discreet Slave Class Serving Spiritual Food To the Whole World!

    Wives Be submissive to Your Husbands!

    Husbands, Treat Her as Your Own Body!

    Okay but is it me, or with these catchy titles they are trying to saying something they can't ay without alerting a few eyebrows. So if you are up, lets give the Fateful and Disqurete Slave some help for some future Watchtower and Awake articles. Lets just break tehm down so the public can understand what tehy really mean...

    Wives, when he Say Make Hi m ASandwich, Get Him A Sandwich!

    Why Aren't You In Field Service More Often?

    Depressed- Well Jehovah Blames You for It!

    The Internets is Bad! Turn it Off, Demons Are In Your House now, Run- AHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!

    Are You Being Obediant? Because We TOLD You SONS of B*TCHEs To BE OUT IN FIELD SERVICE!!!!!!one111

    Jehovah Is In Your Marriage and he Prefers Missionary!

    Wives? Has that Sandwich Been Made Yet?

    School? Whats wrong With field Service... Looks Like Someone Doesn't Want to Live Forver, I See!

    Will You be In the New System? Maybe- How is your Time Looking?

    Quit Being Fasioned After this System of Things... You Sisters are Beginning To Dress Like Whores Again!

    Are Your Kids Faithful Servants of Jehovah? WHY NOT?! WHAT KIND OF PARENT ARE YOU - LET THAT GOAT GO!

    Thats all I have so far, maybe you can come up with some more.

  • AWAKE&WATCHING
    AWAKE&WATCHING

    Vengeance is Mine Says the Judicial Committee

    Seek and You Will Find But Not Outside Our Publications

    The Light Gets Brighter and the S H # % Gets Deeper

  • nvrgnbk
    nvrgnbk

    The first "insider" edition of the WT:

    Why Can't Publishers Just Do What They're Told?

  • littlerockguy
    littlerockguy

    LOL

    Keep em coming, I haven't laughed this hard in a long time!!

    LRG

  • Hortensia
    Hortensia

    Wives, when he Says Make Him A Sandwich, go ahead and slice him up and slather him with mayo.

  • bigdreaux
    bigdreaux

    doggie style, is it for christians?

  • bigdreaux
    bigdreaux

    why choclate pudding is pagan

  • eclipse
    eclipse

    lmfao! Great thread!

    Why There is a 10 Hour Minimum Field Service Requirement

    Even When the Elders Ask you Inappropriate Questions in your JC- It's Sanctioned by the Faithful &Discreet Slave

    Sisters, Why We admonish you to waer modest clothing...

    Elders & Ministerial Servants - Always Remember to Include the Faithful Discreet Slave in Your Congregation Prayer

    Forgive my spelling, I am a tad intoxicated.

  • saywhat29
    saywhat29

    LOL! You all had some great ones, lemme think of some more...

    Youths- If You Go to College, You Will Get Aids and Die... on the First Day!

    Obediance- Why You Should Listen To Every Damn Thing We Say.

    Independance? What's That? It Doesn't Matter You Don't Need It- We'll Think and Feel For You!

    "Go thereforth And Preach To the Ends of the Earth!" Get Your Ass Prepared for Gilead School!

    Floods, and Wars, and Demons- Oh My!

    Bad Associations Makes You Question Us- So Cut them the f*ck off for the Seventh Billion Time!

    Be More Like Jesus! He Would have Listened To Us Too, You Know!

    Family Life ( 3 Part Article)- Men- be Men! Women- Can You Make even More Sandwiches?, Youths- Don't Embarass Your parents.. and most importantly, Us!!

  • WTWizard
    WTWizard

    You're Not Doing Enough!

    Could You Sacrifice Long-Term Survival for Our Short-Term Gain?

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