When money goes missing... what do you do? (page 3)

OUTLAW

Scully..Thats a tough one..I would be pretty p*ssed off..Not for the loss of money..But ..The loss of trust..Have you outright asked each one,if they stole the money..A kid may lie,but thier eyes will speak volumes...OUTLAW

Scully

Have you outright asked each one,if they stole the money..A kid may lie,but thier eyes will speak volumes

No, I haven't. When I discussed the plan of action with Mr Scully, he felt that outright asking each one would be the same as making an accusation without evidence.

I suppose I could get my police officer neighbour to dust my jam jar for prints and get fingerprints from the kids....

We'll see what happens this afternoon after school.

I agree with you, OUTLAW. It's not losing the money that bothers me, it's knowing that I can't trust someone in my family.

OUTLAW

Scully..You have the evidence,the money is missing..You just don`t know who did it..You can ask without accusing..If they say no,then it`s no..Even if you feel otherwise..The guilty party will feel even guilter..And..The money may show up unannounced back in the jar....."OUTLAW the Diabolical Dad".....LOL!!...OUTLAW

codeblue

Trust is a "huge" issue. Trust and respect goes hand n hand. Codeblue

cognizant dissident

I'm going to be the lone holdout and say that I think it is very unfair to punish both teens when you don't know who did it. No where else in life would this be acceptable. If money went missing from petty cash at work, would it be OK for the boss to dock everybody's paycheck for the amount missing? If money went missing at school, would it be OK with you if the teacher punished all the kids without knowing who did it? If breakins happen in a neighbourhood and the police don't know who did it, is it OK to arrest everybody? Of course not.

I believe you should swallow the loss and lock up your money until you have more evidence of who the guilty party is. Sometimes, parents think they can tell who is guilty by their facial expressions and manners but sometimes they are just dead wrong about this. A perfect example of this is how your suspicion fell on the teen who protested the loudest and another poster's suspicion fell on the teen who was quiet and didn't say anything. It is mainly a matter of interpretation. This body language means such and such. But this is very subjective and different for different people.

My parents were always accusing me of things I didn't do when I was a teen without any evidence. Just on suspicion alone. Then when I would get upset or cry at the unfairness of it, they would say that was proof I was guilty. If I was innocent, I wouldn't get so upset! (This made no sense to me whatsoever!)

Trust works both ways. Trust in a parent to be fair can also be eroded as it was in my case. One time, alcohol and food was stolen from our house and all the empties thrown into my room. My parents punished my brother and I both until the culprit came forward. They suspected it was me but were waiting for me to confess. Actually, it turned out to be a neighbour kid who had seen me leave the house to visit someone and had put a ladder in the yard up to an open window. The kid confessed to me later thinking it was a big funny joke. My parents never apologized for wrongly accusing us.

You said yourself that you don't feel right about accusing either of them without more proof, so why do you feel right about punishing them? Isn't punishing worse than accusing? My point is, you just don't really know, so better to hold off judgement and punishement until you do know for sure.

Cog

KW13

Its hard because if you can't trust family who can you trust but i am guessing the guilty one is probably sorry, just scared of consequences and will keep head down forever. One of them will KNOW the other is guilty and is still getting punished for it.

I would actually fingerprint the kids to just make a point

lisavegas420

I liked the way you handled it. It does happen in lots of families. I remember putting a deadbolt lock on our bedroom door when the kids were teenagers.

lisa

jgnat

You're doing fine, Scully. My stepmom went through this with one of her children. He would go in to her purse and take money when he needed it, and I agree, it is a huge violation of trust.

One other thing I would do. Sit them down and try and explain how this theft made you feel. Maybe do a "How would you feel if...", to try and get your teens to think outside themselves for a moment.

My stepbrother never really realized what he had done to his mom until many years later, when a roommate stole from him. He called up mom, of course, distraught. My beloved Myrna, long of memory, said, "Now you know how it felt when you stole from me."

When money goes missing... what do you do?

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