Fading is making me WT obsessed......................

vitty

Because I still want my family to speak to me, I decided to fade. It was quite easy to do, I dont live near them so there was problem with meetings and field service.

The problem now is , after 3 years of fading, it having quite a detrimental effect on me. I have said things to my family about the child abuse stuff , lack of love that sort of thing and they realize I dont go to meetings anymore but because I just cant leave it alone or keep my mouth shut, I end up talking about the org to them when I promise my self not to.

They get upset because im negative and I get upset because I want to really tell them the truth about the org and cant. If I never talked about the org again they would be happy, they dont want to shun me. But I cant keep quite.

I spend a long time thinking of scenarios of conversations with them, looking up sites and scriptures. Im getting on my hubbys nerves with it all but I just cant stop

I think the real problem is, Im not being honest. They still think I will come back and have a few problems with the elders. Ive let them believe this because I dont want to think im apostate.

So has anyone got any suggestions, to putting the WT on the back burner and just letting my family get on with what they want to do and for me to have a little peace in my brain??

I know some of you will say cut your loses and DA but I just cant although I think it would be a lot healthier for me to do so.

monophonic

i know your feelings. i just stay off the subject w/ my family that's still in deep.

fortunately, my dad was an elder for nine years and has been out for about 15 years, so we have some pretty deep discussions and he gives me the low down on the bad shit that happened in the back room during his tenure.

actually, with my family still in deep, i probably see them once every two years.

sometimes, processing all this crap we've been through, there are times to take a break from it and throw yourself a curveball, like take acting classes or something...anything you're passionate about that's positive....not to completely deny getting over this stuff, but for me, sometimes i just need a jw brain break.

and, really sucks b/c the novel i'm trying to sell is jw themed, so the rewrites are really draining and i've been on this project for two years. it's to the point when i work on it, i sleep about 12-13 hours a night b/c it's emotional right now.

good luck, i have no advice b/c i know the feeling of just wanting to shake it out of 'em.

Mrs Smith

I know the frustrations of having family that just cannot see behind the lies of the WBTS. I wish I could somehow just make them see it all as clearly as you and I do. But for peace I have stopped trying to make them see. I live my life and am really happy. They can see that I am happier now than when I was a JW. That in it self says something. They alwys think that when you leave "the truth" your whole life will fall apart and you'll land up in the gutter. They can see that it's not happening to me, hopefuly they stop to think about that. I will every now and then bring up some food for thought but not everytime I speak to my mom are she will linit her phone calls. Keep your comments to yourself and only take on the big issues. Hope this helps.

kwr

You should consult a therapist to help you with your problems. A good therapists will help you work through your struggles.

Gill

Vitty - Could it just be that fading has freed you from WT control and now you don't see why you shouldn't say what you think, the way the WT slaves daren't ever voice their real opinion on anything in public for fear of DF'ing?

Don't be afraid of your freedom. It's something they wish they had.

jwfacts

I was the same and it ended up getting me disfellowshipped. Maybe if you realise that you have said enough and you are not likely to be the one to make them leave that will help. Otherwise you will end up disfellowshipped as well.

?me?

as tough as it may seem, maybe you could stop coming to this site and others like it. i know the more i read and the more junk that comes up with the WTS the more difficult it is to NOT tell others. so i think if you have moved on in YOUR life, then if you leave the WTS behind and not harp on it, you will be happier and then not even care what they do enough to worry about it. just a thought . i know when i get really involved and worked up about something, i tend to speak about it, so reading all these posts, and anger for the WTS definately is NOT going to help you forget about it and leave it alone. me

blondie

Vitty, I read just your post. As you know, I'm a fader too, 5 years. I have little contact with JWs but when I do I keep the topic off the WTS. I figure if they have a question, they will ask; then I will ask, "why do you ask, how do you feel about it." Then I know if I should consider going farther. Otherwise we talk about our mutual gardening projects, flowers that have worked and not worked in our flowerbeds, NASCAR, or the current sport in play they are interested in, mutual friends and if they need our practical help. I asked one about her aging JW mother (92) and send her a card once every 2 months...hard to visit with my physical situation. This JW daughter finally confessed to me that besides her and her husband, I was the only "JW" that sent a card. I bet that made more of an impact then any discussion on 607, transfusions, pedophiles, or other sometimes hot-button issues.

When I was growing up in a JW/non-JW family, I had many contacts reguarly with non-JW people, social and fun. The rule was, we did not discuss religion or politics, because it interfered with the growth of our friendship and fun. I never was the kind of JW that felt that the people at school were my captive audience for my personal sermon. I realized we had come together to learn and to work. If they did ask a question, I answered on my time at break, lunch, or away from school/work.

So sometimes it is good to find something we agree upon and love to talk about.

Love, Blondie

vitty

Im going to have to have more self control...................and keep my mouth shut.

Its just when something comes up , maybe talking about a mutual friend or a meeting or the elders its hard not to say whats on your mind

For an example my mother is always going on how wonderful the elders are and if my sisters disagree she says the WT will sort it out. I then say its by the WT direction that the elders do and say these things and then it starts the ball rolling.

Maybe I should give this board a break for a while. Get back to a bit of normalcy and get the borg into perspective. I dont come here as often as I used too but maybe I should not come here for say a month

What do you all think??

blondie

I understand, vitty, my JW acquaintances were the same way. I just kept changing the subject gently to a non-JW one. I would do that 2 at most 3 times in one conversation and then if it didn't work, I'd say, "Well, it was great seeing you. Next time, we meet can you find out what the name is of that painter you hired last winter (if it was a non-jw one to avoid WT effusions)." Or something similiar about a non-jw topic.

The urge is to think that by saying nothing you are agreeing. By ignoring gently the WT/JW input, and changing the subject, you are indirectly letting them and yourself know that you don't agree. They are trying to "encourage" you by letting you know what you are missing, right?

Well, we have found that some jws can actually talk about more than the WTS. In fact, when I was a jw that was my pet peeve, there was little if no "spiritual" discussion, before or after the meetings, only talk about social events, the latest gossip about another jw, etc.

Blondie

Fading is making me WT obsessed......................

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