Are we in love with our own pain?

by nvrgnbk 36 Replies latest jw friends

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  BizzyBee

  Pain is one thing because it's immediate. Suffering, however, is the past intruding on present circumstances. Suffering is one way that people keep in place the image of who they THINK they are. See through the illusion of what you think yourself to be and suffering dissolves. However, the prospect of dropping one's personal identity for the truth of one's being is a scary proposition, so most will hang on to what is familiar even if it involves suffering. So there IS a sort of love relationshiip with it because it helps provide an identity.

  Well-said, Poppers. For those of us raised as Jehovah's Witnesses, the inculcation during our formative years of a world view dominated by cult dogma is a deeply embedded part of our personalities. The longer we are out, the more we are able to integrate that view with a more informed world-view - but the former will always be there - entwined, but less dominant.
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  nvrgnbk

  Thanks Sparky, poppers, Blondie, and BizzyBee!

  As per poppers post, perhaps I should have named the thread- Are we in love with our own suffering?
• 

  magoo

  ............my glass is always 1/2 full..........pain? what pain.......life is good

  magoo
• 

  Scully

  Do we carry our pain around for so long that it becomes a companion, a part of our self-identity?

  Though we know it will benefit us to let it go, do we hold on to it, not wanting to lose an old friend, an integral part of ourselves?

  There is a Zen (or is it Jedi? ) proverb that goes like this: Pain is inevitable. Suffering is optional.

  From my own experience, I can see that I am someone who needs to understand the source of my pain in order to cope with it and ultimately overcome it. For instance, I know that I can have sciatic pain if I am not conscientious about physical activity. I know that I will have emotional pain as a result of an interaction with JW relatives that is intended to make me feel bad about myself for leaving the JWs. I know that I will have another kind of emotional pain if I do or say something dishonest. Understanding the source of that pain teaches me ways of how to manage it. For my back pain, I make sure I do my exercises. For the pain that comes from not being honest, I make the conscious choice to be honest at all times. For the pain that comes from dealing with JW relatives' attempts to lay a guilt trip on me, I learn what strategies work to shut down their judgemental attitude, and others that remind me that I am not doing anything wrong.

  Pain, to me, is not something to avoid at all costs. Pain is the body's and the mind's way of telling you that something needs your immediate attention, otherwise the damage that will be inflicted will grow and get worse.
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  nvrgnbk

  Good for you magoo!

  Interesting observations Scully.

  May I sum up what you said, to see if I grasped its essence?

  Pain is good. It signals that we must take action to prevent damage to ourselves or others.

  Suffering is bad. It occurs when we haven't isolated and dealt with the cause of our pain.

  Assuming I got what you said, that's very wise and helpful. Thanks.

  Nvr
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  tetrapod.sapien

  yo bro,

  assuming we are talking about emotional pain, i would say that yes, we carry around our pathologies with us like they were something other than paths and intersections in our grey matter.

  and like you say, it takes a while (depending on the person [often it never happens]) to disassociate our "pain" (ego) from our Self.

  happy trails! i think you are on a righteous path brother. ;)

  tetra
• 

  tetrapod.sapien

  scully,

  “Fear is the path to the dark side. Fear leads to anger. Anger leads to hate. Hate leads to suffering.”

  - yoda

  :)

  tetra
• 

  Mum

  There are people who are predisposed to depression and melancholy. Unfortunately, I am one of them. However, I have made great progress by reading self-help books and learning from people with temperaments different from mine. I also find that there are enough problems in the here and now to deal with rather than dwelling on the past.

  I watched Knocking on PBS last night, and I appreciated what Joseph Kempler had to say while visiting the concentration camp where he had been imprisoned. He said something to the effect that he had learned to be happy that he is alive rather than dwelling on the past. So true. Having survived, we have an opportunity to look at things differently, be more proactive, make ourselves happy by discovering (or, sometimes, overcoming) our true nature, interests and passions, rather than relying on someone else or an organization or belief system.

  Happier than ever,

  SandraC
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  nvrgnbk

  happy trails! i think you are on a righteous path brother. ;)

  tetra

  Thanks bro!

  I'm trying to shake off the bad stuff! It feels good to put it out there.

  And all the responses are different windows on reality.

  If anyone else can identify with it and benefit, that's cool too.

  Former JWD lurker/ Current JWD addict,

  Nvr
• 

  nvrgnbk

  Thanks mum!

  Wishing you all the best!

  Nvr