where have i been?

thebiggestlie

Hello to all you folks in x-dub land......you may (or may not) have been wondering where i went to seeing that i simply dissapeared for a while....

I guess ive just been playin it safe by staying away from the "apostates"...i really am just trying to balance my family, my friends, my job, school and everything else into one easy to swallow package which i must say is almost impossible.

My mental state has been horrendous in the past few montths trying to figure out exactly what i believe and what i actually am going to do in this little thing called "life". I suppose feeling insecure and stressed is pretty standard for a 17 year old like me. Adulthood is just around the corner and honestly im nott sure im ready to face it right now. Most people my age cant wait but i just want more time. Time is whirrling by like a bullet. I honestly feel like the last couple of years have taken place in a matter of weeks. Perhaps its also a product of the overwhelming apathy i feel.....who knows.

So i really dont know what to say. I come here just to vent a little. I wish i knew what i believed. My belief system is in a constant state of limbo....somedays i honestly have reverted back to my JW roots and have believed that perhaps i really am being "misled" and others im at the other end of the spectrum pondering of atheistical ideas and even the occasional "mystical", shaman, buddhist and other things such as those. My mind is in a tizzy....i wish i could grab ahold of something more absolute and rock solid and really feel like im standing on some sort of solid ground but instead i feel like im sinking into some sort of dark oblivion.(YES i know how melow-dramitic i sound but its honestly how i feel)

well ill stop in from time to time just to check in. Thanks for those that left me messages saying they missed hearing from me.

nick

Crumpet

There was even a thread asking if you were okay. Plenty of us worried for you. But we have confidence you will handle it well and learn and grow along the way. You are so welcome to come back and vent. The best thing you can do about not knowing what you believe (which is somethign many of us have been through) is keep exploring when you feel ready to take on board new thoughts and perspectives.

How are things with your family now?

greendawn

You express your situation very well so deep down you must know where you want to head. The JWs are a cult and eventually you will leave them the point is to acclimitise and develop connections in the non JW world so that you can rely on them once you leave.

Open mind

Hello TBL,

You said:

i wish i could grab ahold of something more absolute and rock solid and really feel like im standing on some sort of solid ground but instead i feel like im sinking into some sort of dark oblivion

We've all felt that way at some point. Being raised in the cookie-cutter, black and white world of the JWs only makes it harder. We were never taught to look at some of the hard questions head on. Like what happens at death. As believing dubs, not only do we have a wonderful fantasyland paradise ahead of us, but, if we're lucky we won't even have to die at all! Talk about denial.

Instead of looking at it as "oblivion" try looking forward to a life-time of questioning, learning, growth and discovery. With time the lack of certainty gets easier to bear and even enjoyable. Take a deep breath and keep posting when it's helpful for you.

BTW, are you comfortable in navigating this site? It's not the most user friendly, but there is a wealth of helpful information here if you know how to dig.

Open Mind

bluebell

heya, like crumpet said, there was a topic hoping you were ok but we figured you were lying low for a while. Hope things sort out in your head.

free2think

TBL, it's so good to hear from you, I have been wondering how it's all going with you. I know what you mean about being all over the place about your beliefs, I felt the same for a while after I started researching things. Give it time and don't try and rush things, it'll all come together in time.

juni

Hi Nick!

Don't feel that you have to rush into any big decisions. Keep learning the truth about the different religions. Also remember that all religions are manmade. Spirituality is not. Some people feel the need to associate w/others of like "faith". Perhaps that is your need. Others are content w/having a one on one relationship w/their Creator. Perhaps you feel that way also.

You are almost 18 where you can legally make these choices. It is difficult in JW families, but not impossible.

You know that you can always drop in and say "hi". You will receive plenty of support and good information if you have questions. Take care of yourself.

Peace,

Juni

AudeSapere

Great to hear from you again!

I remember feeling similar to what you described about wanting more time before having to be a grown-up. But you know what? Witness kids are already little grown-ups.

You can choose to stay put in WitnessLand (many of us did for many decades after turning 18) and life won't change that dramatically for you. Or can start to venture out and explore a little. It's scary at first but once to take a few chances, not near as threatening as you have been led to believe. The most scary things are actually within the congregation. (ie: someone finding you doing something that bothers *their* conscience.) The rest of life has so much beauty and zest waiting for you. When you are ready, you will explore more.

Until then - my strongest suggestion for you is to get a part time job, start contributing monthly to a savings account, and take some college classes. Whether it's just one class or six in a semester, start advancing your career now. You probably won't get much flack from the cong if you do this relatively discreetly. If you need to miss a few meetings, I suggest you blame it on 'work' rather than school. Work seems to be a more-acceptable excuse.

Even if you decide to remain in the org, the education you get - even if just a few classes that interest you - will enrich your life and can help you land a better-paying job than having no college exposure at all.

Just my sincere suggestions for you at this stage in your life.

I wish well in what ever you decide and hope that you will pop back in once in a while like you did today.

Truly nice to hear from you.

-Aude.

ex-nj-jw

Hey kid!!!

I was just thinking about you today and was gonna post a "has anyone heard from" thread, when I decided to see if you had been on and maybe just not posting!!!

I'm so glad to hear from you, glad you are ok physically, the growing up thing is very hard and this religion makes it harder. Hang in there kid, not much longer and you will be able to make your own decisions whatever they may be. Just make sure you get the education you need so that you can take care of yourself.

I hope you check in from time to time, we miss you!!!

nj

brunnhilde

I was just thinking about you last night and wondering how you were doing. Glad to hear that you're mostly ok, though I understand the confusion and uncertainty you're struggling with. You're much more together than I ever was at 17, and dealing with that drama on top of the whole belief system swirling around you has to be horrible. We're here for you whenever you need to talk or vent or whatever. Even when you're not here, we're thinking about you and pulling for you.

where have i been?

Share this