Help

sexyk

Not sure where to begin with this paragraph, im just a little dazed & confused.

I was in the jw religion for 20 years of my life, baptized, almost MS, I recently left, i am 20 right now. Living with my girlfriend.

I hardly hear from my parents, who I love dearly, and I rarely hear from my older brother, who was my best friend.

Part of me is gone now that their not in my life and doing strong in the religion. Im feeling emotionally mixed up and the last few nights have just cryed, and I rarely cry, because I miss my family.

I think it's rediculous if I wanted things back to normal, I'd have to go back into the religion. Just because I dont believe in what they believe in, their association with me is limited.

When you become so close to your family and friends in the religion over time, and then you lose them, it's a tough pill to swallow. And it makes me question whether I want to become close or make new friends with anyone at all.

Seems like I have trust issues, since ivé been taught my whole life not to trust people in the world , that kind of stuck with me over time, and I find it hard to trust even my GF. She's the only person im remotely close to right now, and im afraid of losing her like I lost my family and friends. So im very protective.

Seems to me everything comes and goes in life. I use to be outgoing and funny, but everyday im finding it hard to be that person I use to be.

I feel like an outcast because im not in the religion anymore and they shun me, then I feel like an outcast being in the " world" , because the religion made me feel that way, they made me feel that I was an outcast in the world for years. Very frusterating, and mixed up feelings I have.

Someone young like me, 20 years old, shouldn't have to deal with these negative feelings, it's like a waste of life. Im not sure where to begin in rehabilitating my feelings.

Well, thanks for reading guys.

Legolas

Welcome Sexyk!

You are not alone in what you are experiencing, may here are going through what you are and most of the rest have already been there.

You will find a lot of helpful information on this board...So stick around and have a look or ask any questions you want!

TheCoolerKing

Welcome Sexyk!!!

Thanks for sharing your story. I can relate to what you said, because I also left the JWs in my 20s. Most of my family shunned me and it was very tough. But I was able to hang on and I refused to go back, because I no longer believed what they were teaching. It took time but I was able to turn my life around for the better. You are among friends here! Many others, like myself, will listen to you and can relate to your experiences.

Hope to hear more from you later!!!

TCK

daystar

I was raised in, left when I was 18, never baptized. I was one of the lucky ones in that way, but I still have had to deal with some of the very same things you're talking about.

To this day I still feel somehow seperate from others, with very, very few exceptions.

But, you are really in a good position right now, whether you see it or not. You are only 20 years old. Right now you have an opportunity to blossom beyond what you could have imagined before. Don't dwell overly on those feelings of alienation. You are who you are and your experiences with the sect will be the backdrop for the rest of your life. But don't let it control you.

Find your passions and follow them earnestly, now. Right now. Don't wait for something, anything. Take classes, read books you were scared to read, or prohibited from reading, before. If you don't feel passionate for something or things now, search for your passion. Learn, experience, grow... persevere.

And, learn how to be alone, with yourself, if you can, as early as you can, and be happy alone, be secure, be safe. Because you are! And then, when you're not alone, it's all gravy baby!

reneeisorym

I understand how you are feeling. I left when I was 23. (I am 25 now) Its hard not feeling like you fit in anywhere. I think over time I've grown into feeling accepted though. I realized that even though I had an unusual experience, everyone else has had their share of life experiences too. A lot of people who have lost people in death seem to understand how I feel. And I did find a group of friends that helped me not to feel alone. I have a close ex-jw couple who are older and they have helped me from feeling like an orphan.

Its not easy but I know you can and will recover. There are so many here who understand how you feel and I hope we can encourage you and make you feel not so alone.

Also I tried counseling and that helped me so much. Just a suggestion.

Stay around and post a while :)

Renee

Emma

It's a terrible way to feel but it really will get better. It's true that you can't trust everyone, but you will learn. Mistakes are made, we learn from them, grow, and move on. Relationships in the wts are not normal and since that's how you were raised, you'll eventually learn to recognize normal (or as close to normal as there is!). What you're feeling is natural given what you've been through. Loosing family and friends sucks; it'll take time to build a new network, but the good news is that you will.

candidlynuts

i was nearly 40 when i left and felt the same things you're feeling.

i can say over time, i found my footing, i found a way to grow and become more of an individual instead of someone who " did what i was told"

a couple of years from now you'll be amazed at the person you become, the friends you make and the options opened to you now.

as far as not trusting anyone, i've learned joyfully that that isn't true. you can find friends of the heart and they will stick with you closer than a "brother" for sure.

hang in there. time does help.

BFD

Hello and Welcome sexyk,

I am sorry that you are having problems with the family, I do too and know how hurtful and frustrating it is. You are so young and have a whole life of freedom ahead of you. Good for you to get out as early as you did. There are so many smart, kind and wonderful people here to help you through the healing process.

Just keep reading and posting, things will get better.

BFD

VanillaMocha73

Your feelings are pretty normal. They will get better over time - just keep going!!! I don't know if the hurt ever goes away entirely, but it does get better.

theinfamousone

hello my friend... i know exactly where you are coming from... well maybe not exactly since i see no need to speak to either of my parents, though i do love them both dearly, especially my mother, i dont need to talk to them because my father beat the hell out of me for a long time and my mother allowed it! the place where you and i come into common, is with my sister... on the nights i thought of suicide, she was the reason i wouldnt do it... she was my angel... and after i moved out, there was no talking between she and i for well, A LONG TIME... i too spent nights crying, feeling lonely and lost!!! it was terrible...

your story sounds much like mine... i now live with an amazing gf, and am happy! thats the best thing.. i think what you should do here, is call your brother.. i understand they have tried to cut ties, but remember they love you as much as you love them... it hurts them to be without you as well... i know my mother felt betrayed when i left and was slightly angry, but when she saw i was still making the effort totalk to her, she conceded!!! things work out, i talk to my mother and sister allthe time....

just show her you have made an effort, you are not the devil... eventually they will understand and change... also remember one thing... you made this decision for you, not to hurt them!!!

and if you are in ontario, or really anywhere in ontario, or canada and need someone to talk to... someone who understands where you come from feel free to message me... my long distance is free, so i would be more than happy to give you a call if you would like...

i found this board extremely helpful and will tell you that the people here have mostly gone through what you have, or through similar things and will be here for you like they were for me....

thinking of you during your rough times,

the infamous one

PS. IF YOU TAKE ANYTHING FROM THIS POST, TAKE THE NEXT WORDS VERY SERIOUSLY... WHAT GOT ME THROUGH THE HARD TIMES WAS THE FACT THAT THESE PEOPLE SHUNNED ME... WHY? BECAUSE I DID NOT BELIEVE WHAT THEY BELIEVED. I DID NOTHING TO HURT THEM, I JUST DID SOMETHING TO MAKE MYSELF FEEL BETTER, AND THEY LEFT ME... WHAT KIND OF FRIEND IS THAT? INSTEAD OF REJOICING FOR MY NEW FOUND HAPPINESS, THEY TRIED TO MAKE ME REGRET IT! THAT IS WORSE THAN A FAIR WEATHERED FRIEND, ITS AN ENEMY! I'M NOT SAYING THIS ABOUT YOUR FAMILY, BUT MORE ABOUT THE PEOPLE IN THE ORG!

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